DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

So many men where I live are like this, so I'm out of luck (in the Tees Valley/North East, despite my username 😔). It's like they see it as something "macho" that makes them look good to other men 🤮. Arseholes who behave like this in public or in front of others tend to also be quite narcissistic- they don't give a shit about body autonomy, respect or boundaries. They will never change. Dump him.

Yes- hence why I started with saying it sounds ‘over the top’ and that he needs to be talked to about it 🙂

Completely agree - it is over the top and needs to be talked through! I think the incompatibility of such an extreme version of PDA could be detrimental.

Indeed. Every single man I've come across who was like this turned out to be abusive and controlling.

He said on one occasion that in the skirt I had on, no man would be able to keep their hands off me and if I said not to, I’d be a ‘cock tease’!

Oh my god it gets worse. So it's YOUR fault he sexually assaults you and calls you sexist, misogynistic names.

But apart from that, your relationship is completely and utterly wonderful.

Well, if you want to end up with a pig of a man who thinks you're an object for mens pleasure, more fool you.

No red flags?! His comment was a huge red flag!!

FFS

I am sorry but the moment a man I was seeing started humping me in public, squeezing my bottom and slapping it so hard people heard the sound, I'd end it. You've told him to stop it and he hasn't. This isn't some annoying little tic - it's a huge trampling over boundaries. There's probably a lot more lurking under there ready to come out when you are more enmeshed with him - shared ownership of property and children. People aren't jealous - they are just feeling sorry for you and wondering how you ended up dating a creep like him.

Yes his feelings wouldn't be hurt if he respected your wishes.

My ex was like this. Otherwise he ticked all my boxes. It was disgusting and very embarrassing. He seemed literally incapable of keeping his hands off me. Even now thinking about it I remember my feelings of anger.

I dumped him after attempts to get him to cop the f on landed on deaf ears. I then realised he had deaf ears regarding anything that he didn't like to hear. He was convinced that I really did love him and I was fighting my feelings as I was 'afraid'.

We ended up at the same event a few days before his wedding. I stopped for a chat and to congratulate him. He then decided the universe was sending a message because we had been thrown together just before he made a lifelong commitment.

That is not him showing affection, that is him showing off his sex toy in public. I'd ick out of the relationship over this.

Why do you care if you’re hurting his feelings. He doesn’t give shit about yours and he sounds 14 years old. Always looking for attention. Just no. How about that. Just tell him you hate it and you’re already told him that. What’s his problem. Does he not understand English or cues or feelings or anything other than that’s what he likes. He probably thinks it makes him look like your his property.. gross