DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

‘GET DOWN SHEP!’ every time he starts acting like a badly behaved dog.

Any relationship where one suppresses their need and boundaries so as not to upset the other is at a minimum toxic and probably controlling and abusive

his needs do not trump yours especially around the autonomy or your body

Married or not - no one should ever touch your body unless you want them to.

you need to be firm about this.

'who he is' as a person stops at your body. He doesn't get to use you like this. Your body isn't a tool for his self expression. It's profoundly disrespectful that he continues to behave this way when you have asked him not to.

My ex used to do this so I’d chase him to put my finger up his arse.

he hated it. I’d remind him that I hate being sexually assaulted too.

luckily he’s an ex and my DH shows me respect.

It’s nice he’s attracted to you, but I would absolutely die if my partner did this.

Maybe try to open the conversation with “When you show affection in this way, I actually feel embarrassed, disrespected and that I like you less. I’m assuming that’s not the message you’re aiming for. Can we agree another way of doing this so that your need to be affectionate in public is met, and my need to not feel upset and unvalued also gets met.”

(I know ‘do that again and expect a divorce’ would be what I would want to say too, but we’re trying here.)

FOJN He sees you as an accessory to inspire jealousy in others and he's marking his territory to let everyone know you're his possession.

This.

We frequently hold hands or link arms (though now we're of an age that we sometimes do it to stop one from falling over 😂) We will also give each other a peck if we're out & one goes to the loo. Recently, while walking the dog in the park, I pulled him onto a bench for a snog - because we haven't done that since we were dating.

Many years ago (we would have been early 20's) DH & me were in WH Smiths browsing the magazines. I moved along the shelves. DH tapped my bum & said 'shall we go & have a coffee now gorgeous' only for a strange middle aged woman to answer 'I'll just go & ask my husband if it's OK first'

Poor DH was devastated - he apologised & said that he thought she was his wife & stood there calling for me as he needed to produce said wife. Luckily she saw the funny side of it & said that she was rather flattered as she hadn't been called gorgeous for years. 😂

What?! Thats not touchy feely, that’s humiliating and cringeworthy. You need to lay it on the line - noone thinks this behaviour is nice or affectionate, its embarassing and shows lack of respect for you.

So you’ve told him you feel embarrassed and he is still doing it… that says it all
He doesn’t really care how you feel as long as he gets to do what he wants….total lack of respect for you. Ditch him.

I tried to grab the balls of my over affectionate DH in the supermarket once. It put an end to everything. Magic!

I have seen this happen in two different friend's relationships over the years and in both cases the guy turned out to be abusive. It's a huge indicator of all sorts of really unpleasant traits - wanting to mark you as his possession, enjoying your discomfort, getting off on being transgressive in public.

Chuck this one back, seriously.

I'm getting sick of saying that I wish the laugh emoji was still available - this is priceless. 😂

Who he is is a sex pest. I think you very much should seek to repress that.

he is not more important than you.

"Jealous" 🤣🤣🤣. No, just finding it cringey and rather unnecessary lm guessing

humping you in public? My dogs behave better than your partner. He’s showing you who he is, you’ve said you don’t like it but yet he continues.

Grim.

People are looking because they wonder why you put up with this not because they are jealous.

It’s probably very very obvious you don’t like what he is doing and why would you?

As pp’s have already said it’s a red flag as he’s demonstrating his ownership and control over your body - he knows you don’t like it, so why does he do it….because he enjoys the fact you don’t like it but put up with it proving that his needs/wants top trump yours and he gets off on demonstrating his dominance over you in public.

I’ll bet good money that when you think about it you’ll realise that this attitude is ingrained through your relationship - your job is to please him and much like training a dog you get rewarded for compliance and muzzled/put on a lead when you push back.

He dry humps you when you bend down? WTF?

Territory marking - utterly grim.

Tell him to stop, seriously, and if he doesnt, humiliate him the next time he does it by yelling at him to get off and casuing a public scene.
Its the public display hes craving so the public display he can have.

😂

This is disgusting OP. Trying to hump you when you bend over ffs.

Slapping your arse loud enough so others can hear.

He's letting you know who's boss and if you don't like it, you're wrong it's just cos he fancies you sooooooo much he can't contain himself/others are jealous.

You know that's bollocks. He's got absolutely no respect for you.

Leave this absolute creep. It definitely isn't going to get any better.

Urgh gross. Is he 16. Yuck - what are his good points.

I disagree with part of this statment. what he means is that "other MEN are jealous because they don't get to grope their wives and be possessive and lechy whenever they feel like but they'd all love to be able to."

OP, everyone is right. Tell him NO. That you are not comfortable. That this is inappropriate and you won't put up with it.

does he grope you a lot in private too? The chances are that will wear thin for you too.

😂

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is

Are you serious?? He bloody well should suppress it! I despair of how much women are prepared to put up with while men go around acting like this.