DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

YUK.

Please reassure me that you do not have children with him...

The cock tease comment is just appalling. And very rapey.

He’s being very disrespectful towards you. You have asked him to stop but he hasn’t changed his behaviour. Personally, I’d end the relationship but if you really want to stay with this creep, you yell ‘STOP IT!’ and make a scene every time he does it.

He really needs training to be allowed out in public - maybe a vet could ‘fix’ him?

This.

No one is jealous.
They absolutely pity you and your low standards.

Creepy, sleazy men grope women.
The women are to be pitied.
You are being pitied.

For your choice in men and your low standards.

Oh and decent men of whom I know men, would also describe him as low class.

Wake up OP.
You really deserve better.

I had this issue with my husband, although not doing it in public just round the house all time. I read this article and it really resounded with me. I actually showed it to my husband and he got it, and has since stopped. I actually find myself giving him more physical affection now as previously I shied away as anything would be seen as an green light to be totally OTT in response. https://www.marriagebuilders.com/guidelines-for-groping-and-grabbing-in-marriage.htm

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer.

@RachSmit This is a very unhealthy way to handle your relationship and this approach will lead to resentment and unhappiness on your part.

He can be "who he is" without humiliating you and treating you like a piece of meat for his amusement especially when you have told him to stop.

By saying you don't want him to suppress who he is, that means you have to suoress who you are isn't it? Why is it fine for you to suppress who and what you want so he can express himself?

No decent man who loves and respects his wife will treat her like he treats you, he is a disrespectful masochistic piece of shit.

I would have a serious conversation with him to explain how it makes you feel and why he needs to stop and you need to have a "what if" and be ready to stick to it if not you need to decide if you're willing to accept it to "avoid him suppressing himself" at the expense of your happiness.

For me I would be prepared to walk away from a man who isn't willing to listen to my feelings and make changes and continues to humiliate me in public like I don't matter. I am not saying you should leave immediately but that will be on the table for me if he continues to ignore my feelings and complaints.

I’d give his bollocks a playful, loving twist next time he decides to manhandle you in public

Cock tease 🤮. Grim phrase and a grim sentiment. Plus the temptation to burn said skirt. He sounds vile

Jealous…doubt it, more like cringing or thinking it’s trashy. Why can’t he control his behaviour in public instead of acting like a teenage fuckwit. Embarrassing.

This isn’t done to show affection. You’ve told him you don’t like it. Normal people don’t show affection by doing things that their partners dislike and find embarrassing and humiliating. If this is ‘who he is’ then I’m afraid ‘who he is’ is a complete cunt who doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy.

What is unreasonable here is that you are worried that by putting boundaries in about your own body that you are causing your husband to have hurt feelings. He sounds sleazy

💯

This.
He sounds repulsive.

Grossly immature.

Oh gosh I fear Im in a similar situation. Early days of relationship, he is wonderful in every way, but he can't keep his hands off me when we are out. I mean I feel the same way, and want to, but I know its not socially acceptable. We actually got told off in the pub, for having a sneaky snog in a dark corner - I was mortified. He gets annoyed and says its other peoples problem and we should just crack on. Im at the point of avoiding going out, cos we are in that honeymoon phase of being very touchy/feely, but its gross for others. I also desperately don't want to reject him or hurt his feelings.

We are actually going to a spa today and Im already anxious about it!

@bigkahunaburger stay away from him .don't sit beside him, he is probably geared up thinking the spa is a perfect groping sexual experience.

Wtf op. HUGE RED FLAG

This isn't about how he is in bed, pleasuring you, ffs!

This is about him showing women absolutely no respect in public. He is happy for other people to see you groped. Can't you see how awful that is? He feels he has the right to do whatever he wants to you sexually in public.

Sorry this actually would be a deal breaker for me and he would be an ex. He has little respect for you treating you like that in public. He is treating you like a object he gets to play with and show off to strangers.

Dominique Pelicot comes to mind.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves

They weren't jealous. They were thinking 'What a creep that man is for humiliating his partner in public like that' or possibly 'What the hell are those people doing using us to fulfil their exhibitionist kink? That's gross.'

A few years ago my DP and I were at an outdoor gig and the man standing in front of us was constantly grabbing and groping his partner. We could absolutely tell that she didn't like it and another couple who were standing next to us actually turned to us at one point and said 'If that creepy c**t doesn't leave his wife alone in a minute, I think we might have to stage an intervention'.

Shouldn't it tell you something that you're anxious about and avoiding going out with him? Because it would give me pause.

If that's what he's like in the honeymoon phase then he'll only get worse. Dump this arsehole.

This approach won't work with men like this. There will just be one of these two outcomes:

1. He apologises and keeps his hands to himself for about a week or two, then he'll go straight back to groping again, or

1. He'll get angry and defensive, saying he's doing "nothing wrong" and sprout shite like "I can't even touch my own gf/P!", "you're a prude/frigid!", "all men do this!" etc.....

I'd have given him one warning, then dumped him if he continued to do it. But then again, I don't tend to date unevolved cavemen.....

Absolutely this. You're his property and he likes other people seeing this.