DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

FFS! If you don't like it, then dump him, it's not difficult, is it?

'Cock tease' is a massive red flag.

Ugh. Regardless of how ok he is in private this is a deal breaker. It’s vile behaviour.

This would have been my first nightmare from the start. Usually people who do this feel they have something to prove.

it feels like he enjoys transgressing boundaries in public. Not healthy really

Your appropriate response is to hand him divorce papers. LTB. Then work with a therapist on strengthening your boundaries and noticing red flags in a relationship. This behaviour will not have been the first or only sign.

If your partner does something to you and you tell them it upsets you, and they KEEP DOING IT then why the f are they still your partner?? It's that simple. Whatever the thing is, if it's something they have control over and they're a half decent human they will stop doing anything once they know it upsets you. If they don't then they're not a good person and you Dump Them.

At the moment.

Are you serious, or is this trolling?

It was your fault because of the skirt you were wearing, and not letting him would make you a cock tease? Jesus, I hope you don't have children with him.

Ah man this is cringier, being exhibitionist means they want the audience and are asking people to participate in their PDA by being unwilling witnesses to it.

This is an extreme example bit I remember some people at a place I worked being very loud and amorous in an accessible loo in the foyer and they came out with SUCH swagger, to be met with either disgust, distaste or simple disinterest.

They haven’t stopped if he was still making those sorts of comments yesterday in front of your DS’s girlfriend.

Why is it so hard for you to say ‘I don’t like it, stop it’? What sort of relationship do you have if any assertion of agency would ‘hurt’ him and you need to be regularly made uncomfortable and/or embarrassed in order to protect his delicate feelings? What about your feelings?

OP, he's uncouth and branding you in public, like you are a piece of meat.

Profoundly disrespectful.
Kindly meant but once would be enough for most women, second time definitely dumped.

You have had to speak to him and he continues to disrespect you.
Appalling behaviour.
How have you not gotten the ick?

You must be vulnerable with self esteem issues to continue to allow to be touched like that.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk is a good place to start learning to building boundaries.

You really do deserve better.

This.

Stop step away and say ‘what on earth do you think you are doing?’

and then repeat or even use you phrase ‘I have the ick’

I think you’re right OP, just you’re not compatible here. He sounds more sexual, less mature and he clearly doesn’t really care about other people’s take on things, whilst you do.

I don’t think the odd bum pinch would bother me, in fact, I’d quite like my husband to show a bit more physical attention. But the bum slapping and humping would be a big no.

You’ve asked him before and he wasn’t able to maintain it, so I wouldn’t expect much. I’d probably ask him one more time but that would be it.

Out of pure interest, how’s the sex? Is he as confident behind closed doors as he is in public?

This. It’s branding you, the slapping you is dominance and ownership.

I once witnessed a bloke groping his GF’s bottom while in a coffee shop queue. It looked gross and my feeling was that he was marking her as his property. OP you really need to tell him that he’s assaulting you; forget about his feelings, he’s disregarding yours.

He's marking his territory, it's very immature.

But it’s not affection if he or the OP's partner carry on doing something they know you and OP don’t like, is it? It’s arrogance and complete disrespect and disregard for your and her wishes.

I made it clear to DP that it means both to me and to whoever sees it that he isn't respecting me. Whatever his intent, this is how everyone else perceived it- and he stopped.

That's not even remotely similar to what OP describes 🙄

Indeed- it's a what the hell have I just read update. He's vile.

This. You asked him more than once to stop and he has ignored you.

If someone you love tells you that something you do makes them feel anxious / embarrassed/ upset and you keep doing it, then you’re an arsehole aren’t you? Your other half is regularly doing something he knows you don’t really like, despite you telling him so. His motivation isn’t showing you love, it’s a feeling of entitlement to your body.

Pretending to hump you is not affection.

This is not demonstrating love or attraction,He’s overtly signalling ownership by conspicuous sexualised touching. He is indicating your his woman, his chattel and he’s the alpha man. All driven by insecurity and over compensating of course