Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

So I take it she’s not passed away yet?As it stands nobody is getting anything. Her house may be used to fund care home fees and your sister won’t get it so I wouldn’t sit in ruminate over something that hasn’t happened. Although, I do understand where you’re coming from in theory, it is unfair, but that does not mean it’s going to work out that way. Also, if your sister is intending on living with your mum. I would step back quite a bit and let her get on with learning to look after your mum.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward

had you made it clear to her that helping her was contingent on your receiving equal share of her inheritance?

The Only thing you can do is talk to your mum and explain how you feel. I explain how the house can be split three ways and she can use the money to get a deposit on a new house. She’s 25c, plenty of time to start saving etc. Akao, what if she meets and marries someone in the next few years, and is not living there. Is it fair then?

Yes, the conversation may cause resentment, but the current situation is breeding resentment also.

Has your sister manipulated your mother in thinking this way? If so, a counter conversation may be needed.

Is your sister a vulnerable dependent?

*y. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

this plus the way you speak about your sister

plus the entire crux of the thread

indicates this is a pretty unhappy and unpleasant family

She’s planning to sign house over to little sister so it wouldn’t get used for care fees. I think she would absolutely refuse to go in a care home regardless.

There will be lots of replies saying ‘it’s her money to do what she likes’, call you grabby, ask for you to be kinder to sister as she may have some difficulty in building a life like yours and that caring for your mother should be out of love and not transactional, but I agree with you, it’s just not fair.

That's a bit harsh. Of course if a parent effectively excludes their child from most of their estate it is likely to result in some degree of estrangement.

That’s not the point. The point is the OPs mother has made a decision. It’s the principle.

Your sister has a child, why neglect to mention that?

That’s her personality. It’s just how it is. Not everyone is the same.

My younger sister doesn’t have a child. She’s never dated.

Does she? So she is looking after her rather than being a dosser?

So two sisters live with your mother?

Totally understand your feelings on this OP and sympathise. I think it's a good idea to speak to your mum about how you feel, and make a case for her splitting things equally 3 ways. You will probably have to educate her on how resentment following her death could negatively impact your relationship with your sister etc.

Because in your other thread you say your sister lives with your mother, and your sister brought a cat and child with her

Was the property owned by your mother’s partner ie your sisters father but your step father?

Realistically once she needs additional help it will fall to your sister as she lives with her. It's not a life I would choose. Leaving a house to a child that does not have a home, when the other children do, is not that unusual. Your mother views it as a home, you view it as a windfall. You're coming at it from different angles.

Then she's very naive.

I know your DM has some health issues, but this seems a very detailed conversation to be having at the age of 66.
I can see how it feels hurtful to you, it sounds like Dsis could have some undisclosed ND and DM feels guilty about that, hence the leaving of the house to her so she always has somewhere to live.
The reality is the house might have to be sold anyway if she needs to go into a care home, so really this is nothing more than a gesture. I would explain that to your DM as the best gift she could actually give your Dsis is the encouragement to live independently.

Apologies

Well, she will probably get shafted for deprivation of assets then. Giving away her house while already over retirement age, she is right in line for it.

And if she stays living in it and doesn't pay full market rent to your sister, she will be liable for inheritance tax. So either way, she is going to be paying out.

If she chooses to continue with this plan, then the logical route is that your sister will be her carer once she needs it. And you do nothing.

Whatever the logic, unequal inheritances always cause rifts. People can see a reason to justify it; it’s their house, they have more kids, they won the premium bonds I need to even things out. Fact is whatever the reason it sends some form of message, if people want to avoid hurt they need to leave things equally.

Thanks. I have made the case and so has my older sister but she’s resolute.

Op does your younger sister and you share the same father?

How will your sister finance running the house after your DM’s eventual death?