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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For letting my son go to his friends house

1000 replies

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:31

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

OP posts:
isthesolution · 16/06/2025 20:34

I don’t understand why can’t your son go to someone’s house or have a friend over?

BeWarmTraybake · 16/06/2025 20:34

So, your husband's unhappy your son went round his friend's and is acting like your family is isolated from society, like something out of an Amish thriller?

Tell your husband to stfu.

Tiswa · 16/06/2025 20:36

Why does he hate your son having friends it sounds awful and controlling

LouH1981 · 16/06/2025 20:36

How old is your son? x

labradorservant · 16/06/2025 20:37

How old is your son? What are his issues??

witwatwoo · 16/06/2025 20:38

What a shitshow

feelingbleh · 16/06/2025 20:39

Wtf is wrong with your husband are you sure your sons anxiety isn't caused by him as he sounds really horrible

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 16/06/2025 20:39

You aren’t the problem here, your husband is. Does he have any redeeming features as he seems like a controlling bully.

amber763 · 16/06/2025 20:39

What's his problem and more importantly why are you putting up with this treatment of you and your son?

feelingbleh · 16/06/2025 20:41

Please don't let your husband get in the way of your sons friendships

SmoothOperatorCarlosSainz · 16/06/2025 20:42

I wouldn’t let this kind of behaviour go. Your husband sounds controlling and awful. No wonder your son has anxiety. It’s not normal to be telling you not having a discussion but telling you what you can and can’t do.

ninjahamster · 16/06/2025 20:42

That’s the strangest reaction. My children went regularly to friends’ houses and had friends over regularly. It is very good for independence and social skills.

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:43

To be honest with you, I haven’t even asked why he doesn’t want our son going over to friends house vice versa. If my son wants to go over to his friends houses, he can go I would never stop him, I remember as a child I would always go over to my friends house.

I do not allow my husband to dictate to me, neither will I allow him to stop my son having the best childhood.

OP posts:
momtoboys · 16/06/2025 20:43

Is this a wind up? No one can actually think this is normal behavior, right?

Tiredandtiredagain · 16/06/2025 20:44

I think we can see the reason for your son’s anxiety, disgraceful behaviour.

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:44

labradorservant · 16/06/2025 20:37

How old is your son? What are his issues??

My son is 9 years old, I would understand if he was a toddler but he isn’t.

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:45

momtoboys · 16/06/2025 20:43

Is this a wind up? No one can actually think this is normal behavior, right?

I know it’s not normal behaviour from my husband, hence why I don’t listen to him.

OP posts:
Mj4me · 16/06/2025 20:46

No wonder your son has anxiety!

9 years old and never had a playmate?!

Hercisback1 · 16/06/2025 20:47

The reason for your son's anxiety is crystal clear. What other things has your husband stopped you or your son from doing?

labradorservant · 16/06/2025 20:47

@MummyToMNandRat that age I didn’t arrange much the kids told me who was going where! Perfectly normal part of primary school. Sorry I meant your DHs issues with this if not clear.

Coka · 16/06/2025 20:47

I was thinkng about 5 or 6..even then your husband is unreasonable. But your son is 9. It seems his dad is already affecting his childhood since he has anxiety. Has he never been invited to a friends before now??

DaisyChain505 · 16/06/2025 20:48

You’ve said you don’t let your husband dictate to you when clearly you do.

Any normal persons reaction to this being said to them would be to ask why in Gods name they don’t think it’s ok for a child to have a play date yet you haven’t even questioned it.

You say you or your son don’t fear your husband yet you’re both being treated like captive animals by him?

His attitude isn’t normal or ok.

LadyLucyWells · 16/06/2025 20:48

No wonder your son suffers with anxiety with a father like that!

What is his reason for not allowing your son to do such normal things like going to play at a friends house?

ThejoyofNC · 16/06/2025 20:49

You are failing your son by allowing him to live with that man. You've said yourself he has anxiety and yet you allow him to stay in that environment?

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:54

Our son used to regularly get invited over to his friends houses and also birthday parties, but he would always decline, when I would ask him why he doesn’t want to go he’d say “they are just my friends in school” bearing in mind he doesn’t have any other friends outside of school.

I think he is at the age now, where he wants to see his friends outside of school and I will allow him to.

Again, I haven’t asked my husband the reason behind this because I’ll also let our son go over to friends houses.

OP posts:
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