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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For letting my son go to his friends house

1000 replies

MummyToMNandR · 16/06/2025 20:31

Hello

I let my son go over to his friends house after school just for an hour and a half, they have become very close in school since him starting in September.

I see mum every single morning, I wouldn’t say class her as a friend yet, we usually have a short conversation then she goes about her day.

This afternoon whilst at pick up, she said “you can ask M if he would like to come over for an hour or so” then she looked at me and said that he has been wanting to ask him for a while now, only if that’s okay with you.

My son was happy and said yes, then asked me if it would be okay.

Bearing in mind, my son suffers from anxiety and has been going through a rough time recently, regarding being outside/new environments/ people etc.

So I obviously didn’t want to say no, because it would be a huge step for him to come out of his comfort zone.

She asked if I wanted to come with him, but I didn’t think it would be appropriate especially when I had my other two children with me, she gave me her mobile number, and I insisted that her and her son got into my car so I could drop them home, just for a peace of mind.

My son enjoyed the short time he spent at his friends house, and asked if he could come over to ours tomorrow and I sort of said yes.

The issue now is my Husband, I didn’t think he’d be home because he went out, when I got home he asked where our son was, I told him that he’d gone round to his friends and I would go and collect him soon.

He wasn’t happy and told me to go and get him, l said I would go and get him in a hour and half and that I don’t understand what the problem is, when actually I do.

He told me that my sons friends are not to come over to the house and he is not going over there, and I always let it go over my head and say to myself “whatever”

When I got back with our son, the first thing my husband said “didn’t I tell you, that you’re not to go over to peoples houses” my son answered “I know Dad, I’m sorry but I did want to go there” he then went on to say “You don’t listen, but you’re going to learn”

Neither my son or I fear him or are scared of him; he went out soon after and will not answer his phone, every time we have a disagreement he leaves the house and it makes me believe that he goes and sleeps with someone else.

Was I being unreasonable for letting my son go to his friends house? Because I don’t want to apologise to him and make things right, our son should be able to go over to his friends houses and they should be able to come here.

I will be inviting him and mum over tomorrow after school, or do you think that is going to make matters worse?

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:15

OliveWah · 11/07/2025 01:47

How are things going @MummyToMNandR? I hope you and your boys are alright.

Hello

Thanks for checking up on us, we are fine. I have just been keeping busy with the boys. Our 3 year old is still at his nans house, my husband has been giving me the space I have asked for.

I had my first AA meeting one on one which I did on zoom, I feel a lot better that now I am finally addressing it and getting some help and support.

I haven't spilt up with my husband nor do I have plans for a divorce, I just need time alone and I've told him that it is going to take a lot for me to be able to trust him again.

For now, I am just taking one day at a time. My 9 year old seems a lot happier as there are now no restrictions, which he has been taking full advantage of, but is missing his little brother, he is going to go and visit him tomorrow.

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 11/07/2025 19:19

So in spite of him being unfaithful to you, which he's admitted, you're still going to take him back? If that's the case OP, you're even more of an idiot that we all thought.

ninjahamster · 11/07/2025 19:24

Wow. I predict you will be back together within a few days. Have YOU visited your three year old? He must be so confused.

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:36

BakelikeBertha · 11/07/2025 19:19

So in spite of him being unfaithful to you, which he's admitted, you're still going to take him back? If that's the case OP, you're even more of an idiot that we all thought.

I will let him back eventually, we will be going to relationship counselling/therapy he has agreed to it.

OP posts:
Change9944 · 11/07/2025 19:37

There's no such thing as a one on one AA meeting even on zoom OP.

anytipswelcome · 11/07/2025 19:37

So as well as his behaviour that emotionally damages your oldest son and restricts him socially, he’s shagged someone else and threatened to label you an alcoholic to have the kids taken away from you and you’re… still staying in a relationship with him?

Best of luck OP, you’re going to need it. Because he’ll stay controlling. And he’ll cheat again. And he’ll throw your drinking problem in your face / use it to blackmail and control you again.

Your poor kids are going to grow up so confused. And with such a terrible, toxic and unhealthy blueprint for relationships.

Completely unfair on them.

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:38

ninjahamster · 11/07/2025 19:24

Wow. I predict you will be back together within a few days. Have YOU visited your three year old? He must be so confused.

I will be seeing him tomorrow, I try and FaceTime him several times a day but he either says "I'm not coming" or just isn't interested in speaking to me. He is always like that when he is with his Nan, so I am completely used to it.

OP posts:
AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 19:43

Hahahaa this thread gets better and better. You are an absolute mug OP 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 19:44

This can’t be real I refuse to believe anyone is this stupid. I shall await my deletion messages.

ninjahamster · 11/07/2025 19:44

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:38

I will be seeing him tomorrow, I try and FaceTime him several times a day but he either says "I'm not coming" or just isn't interested in speaking to me. He is always like that when he is with his Nan, so I am completely used to it.

Probably because you seem to send him there for her to parent. It’s such a bizarre situation. Poor kids.

Change9944 · 11/07/2025 19:51

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 19:44

This can’t be real I refuse to believe anyone is this stupid. I shall await my deletion messages.

She's slipped up with the lie about the AA meeting. AA don't do one on one meetings.

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:59

Change9944 · 11/07/2025 19:51

She's slipped up with the lie about the AA meeting. AA don't do one on one meetings.

No I haven't slipped up, I paid for it privately please google it if you don't believe me. As AA meetings are usually free of charge.

I don't mean it in a rude way but I wouldn't want to sit in a room or be on zoom with people that the only thing we have in common is an alcohol problem.

OP posts:
MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:00

ninjahamster · 11/07/2025 19:44

Probably because you seem to send him there for her to parent. It’s such a bizarre situation. Poor kids.

He always asks to go there, I do not send him there for her to parent him.

OP posts:
Change9944 · 11/07/2025 20:06

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:59

No I haven't slipped up, I paid for it privately please google it if you don't believe me. As AA meetings are usually free of charge.

I don't mean it in a rude way but I wouldn't want to sit in a room or be on zoom with people that the only thing we have in common is an alcohol problem.

There are no private paid for AA meetings. Absolutely none, it would go against the very basics of AA.

awkwardasfuck · 11/07/2025 20:13

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 19:59

No I haven't slipped up, I paid for it privately please google it if you don't believe me. As AA meetings are usually free of charge.

I don't mean it in a rude way but I wouldn't want to sit in a room or be on zoom with people that the only thing we have in common is an alcohol problem.

What a horrible person you are.

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:25

Change9944 · 11/07/2025 20:06

There are no private paid for AA meetings. Absolutely none, it would go against the very basics of AA.

I had a paid zoom call with a lady regarding my alcohol problem, it was an AA meeting because I didn't have to disclose any personal information with her.

No one will ever be able to catch me out, because I have told the truth throughout, I wouldn't get anything out of being dishonest to strangers.

OP posts:
Change9944 · 11/07/2025 20:33

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:25

I had a paid zoom call with a lady regarding my alcohol problem, it was an AA meeting because I didn't have to disclose any personal information with her.

No one will ever be able to catch me out, because I have told the truth throughout, I wouldn't get anything out of being dishonest to strangers.

It wasn't an AA meeting. You are lying. There are no paid for AA meetings.
AA is an organisation that is self funded with contributions from members nobody takes payments from private meetings under the Alcoholics Anonymous name.
You are a liar.

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:36

I am not lying, I did speak to someone on zoom which I paid for privately. I have been liaising with her for past few days.

I don't know what you get out of sitting behind your computer wrongly accusing strangers of lying.

I did speak to something via zoom regarding my alcohol problem, and I did look at it as an AA meeting because I didn't have to provide any person details.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 11/07/2025 20:43

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 19:43

Hahahaa this thread gets better and better. You are an absolute mug OP 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Or she thinks we're mugs for believing her BS 😂

Change9944 · 11/07/2025 20:45

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:36

I am not lying, I did speak to someone on zoom which I paid for privately. I have been liaising with her for past few days.

I don't know what you get out of sitting behind your computer wrongly accusing strangers of lying.

I did speak to something via zoom regarding my alcohol problem, and I did look at it as an AA meeting because I didn't have to provide any person details.

However you look at it doesn't make it correct though does it. It was a lie.
I really hope the rest of this thread is a lie too.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 20:51

BuckChuckets · 11/07/2025 20:43

Or she thinks we're mugs for believing her BS 😂

I mean, I hope it’s that rather than the alternative of her traumatised children

Lmnop22 · 11/07/2025 20:51
Over It Ugh GIF

Just 🤯

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:51

Change9944 · 11/07/2025 20:45

However you look at it doesn't make it correct though does it. It was a lie.
I really hope the rest of this thread is a lie too.

It wasn't a lie!

OP posts:
AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 20:52

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:00

He always asks to go there, I do not send him there for her to parent him.

I wonder why he always asks to go there….

MummyToMNandR · 11/07/2025 20:54

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/07/2025 20:52

I wonder why he always asks to go there….

I think you are forgetting he is 3 years of age, he has two other siblings we are a family of 5.

He enjoys going to his nans house because he receives one on one attention, he gets spoilt and is always made a fuss out of.

OP posts:
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