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Original poster

Husband overheard me

234 replies

starship92 · 15/06/2025 17:11

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2025 17:14

Sounds like your marriage is in a shit place generally? It’s understandable he wants privacy, and it’s understandable that you want to tell your sister. Sounds like communication is poor between the 2 of you.

Next time get the kids to make a card or order one online like you did with everything else, he shouldn’t have sulked of course. But cards are easy to order online and would have saved your rushing to the shop this morning.

Noshadowsinthedark · 15/06/2025 17:14

He’s a massive manchild and didn’t like someone outside the marriage knowing he behaves in that way.

Threatening divorce over it is equally manipulative.

Profpudding · 15/06/2025 17:15

What did he do for Mother’s Day incidentally?

Shitmonger · 15/06/2025 17:16

Sounds like he’s overreacting because he knows he’s being a dick and trying to punish you. He doesn’t want your family to know how he’s acting and treating you because he knows it doesn’t make him look good.

Claiming that he doesn’t trust you anymore is deflection, and threatening the marriage is manipulative.

NormaNormal · 15/06/2025 17:16

I can see why he objects to you discussing him with others, but I don't understand why you don't take him up on the offer to end your marriage.

QuickFawn · 15/06/2025 17:16

End the marriage yourself, it sounds miserable

You can buy cards online though, so unsure why you didn’t consider that, if you had time to order the gift?
But he sounds like a total twit with his behaviour and it doesn’t sound you have a good relationship to start with

sheknowsitstoolate · 15/06/2025 17:17

He should grow up, he got a present.

The kids could have made a card.

I would be a bit pissed off if I was being moaned about on the phone to someone. I probably wouldn’t threaten divorce over it tho. (I also wouldn’t act the way he did)

outerspacepotato · 15/06/2025 17:18

I agree with your husband. Don't shit talk your spouse outside the marriage (unless it's something like abuse or addiction or criminal issues).

He's upset you didn't get him a card and possibly other things and felt you put in little effort. I think his expectation was reasonable. Then when he let you know how he felt, you got mad and ranted about him.

What did he do for you for Mother's Day? Is this a you matched his energy situation or you just expended the least effort you thought you could get away with?

Sarah9494 · 15/06/2025 17:18

I can understand why he was annoyed with you. Sort out your own domestic issues and keep them in house.

Yogabearmous · 15/06/2025 17:18

Tell him he is right. You don’t trust him either after his pathetic outburst over Father’s Day. In ffs. He needs to grow up.

MauriceTheMussel · 15/06/2025 17:19

Oh, he needs to chill out.

It’s not a real day, is it? It’s a made up event.

AgnesX · 15/06/2025 17:21

If he's embarrassed about you talking about his behaviour then he shouldn't behave in that way.

He sounds like a brat.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 15/06/2025 17:21

I wouldn’t be happy to hear DH bitching about me to his brother or dad, I have to say. It’s just not very nice behaviour.

CandyCane457 · 15/06/2025 17:50

He should be happy with his nice meal and present, but if cards mean a lot to him, I don’t think it would’ve been too much trouble for you to order one online (Thortful do some fab ones, moonpig etc) or got the kids to make one.
And yeah I’d be a little bit furious if I overheard my boyfriend bitching about me to a family member. But I wouldn’t threaten to end the relationship. You’re both as bad as each other.

terracelane23 · 15/06/2025 17:50

Sounds like he’s massively overreacting

Boreded · 15/06/2025 17:52

Seems like he was sparking for a fight anyway. Has he been off in general recently? I feel like there is more to this.

if there isn’t more to this, then he is still being ridiculous

Original poster
starship92 · 15/06/2025 17:54

Agreed it's not very nice behaviour on my part either and for that I have apologised profusely.

I just don't see an issue in discussing something with my sister? Maybe I'm wrong.

For context he did absolutely spoil me for mothers day and not to sound petty but my gift did arrive a few days later...which i was 100% fine with so i don't understand his reaction this morning.

OP posts:
MyCyanReader · 15/06/2025 17:55

He was clearly looking for a fight.

You're entitled to talk to someone about things. By refusing to let you talk to someone is very controlling.

He is an ungrateful git!

Ps - moonpig often deliver a card in 1 day!

Boreded · 15/06/2025 17:55

outerspacepotato · 15/06/2025 17:18

I agree with your husband. Don't shit talk your spouse outside the marriage (unless it's something like abuse or addiction or criminal issues).

He's upset you didn't get him a card and possibly other things and felt you put in little effort. I think his expectation was reasonable. Then when he let you know how he felt, you got mad and ranted about him.

What did he do for you for Mother's Day? Is this a you matched his energy situation or you just expended the least effort you thought you could get away with?

Give off…she ordered him a personalised present, and made him aware that the card would be bought on the day.

also, he isnt her father…so not her job to get him a card (though obviously if the kids are young she should) and the kids will have made one in school

Nurseryquestions86 · 15/06/2025 17:56

Hmm not getting him a card (which could easily be ordered online) and slagging him off to your sister. Sorry I think he's right to be upset. Although yeah marriage ending is extreme unless you have other issues.

Tubs11 · 15/06/2025 17:58

Why didn't you get the kids to make a card or order one online? I don't think it would have taken that much time to organise if you thought it meant that much to him? To me that screams "I can't be arsed". I definitely wouldn't be happy if i overheard my DH talking about my relationship on the phone to a family member - you should speak to him directly and not your sister if it was an issue.

Original poster
starship92 · 15/06/2025 18:00

My kids are very young but my eldest had made him a card with a scribble on it, which i thought he would like. Clearly not!

I definitely think talking of ending the marriage is very extreme. He has told me endless times not to discuss our issues with anyone which i also feel is very controlling (i do share a few things with my sister and one close friend so it's not like I'm bad mouthing him all over the country) although as far as he knew until today I had never discussed anything with anyone

OP posts:
Nurseryquestions86 · 15/06/2025 18:01

starship92 · 15/06/2025 18:00

My kids are very young but my eldest had made him a card with a scribble on it, which i thought he would like. Clearly not!

I definitely think talking of ending the marriage is very extreme. He has told me endless times not to discuss our issues with anyone which i also feel is very controlling (i do share a few things with my sister and one close friend so it's not like I'm bad mouthing him all over the country) although as far as he knew until today I had never discussed anything with anyone

Edited

So he has asked you numerous times not to tell people your private business and you do it anyway?

MauriceTheMussel · 15/06/2025 18:04

Sorry, it IS controlling to say you can’t talk to anyone outside the marriage about your gripes, so I don’t care if he’s told you more than once. It’s an unreasonable ask.

If you were venting to EVERYONE and the lady at the supermarket checkout, yeah, fine. It’s entirely normal to discuss relationships with friends and family.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 15/06/2025 18:05

OP, how would you feel if you walked in on him bitching about you to his brother or dad, or his best mate?

It's really not nice behaviour.