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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband overheard me

234 replies

starship92 · 15/06/2025 17:11

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

OP posts:
WitchesCauldron · 17/06/2025 13:39

starship92 · 15/06/2025 17:11

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

He sounds like a man baby

NPET · 17/06/2025 13:47

starship92 · 15/06/2025 17:11

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

OMG Men!
Moan about us but complain if we dare to moan about them!

I must point out that I'm talking generally and as much about boys as men (I'm 21), not specifically referring my comments to a wife/husband situation.

Unthinkablebuttrue · 17/06/2025 19:55

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2025 11:39

Exactly. And it's not good to either a. tell someone every time they do something even small to annoy you when many times you just want to bent it out and move on / on reflection it's you or the situation etc. b. Keep everything pent up inside because you can't ever tell anyone how you're feeling

Show quote history

The important person to notify when something seriously wrong happens in your relationship, is yourself. Sure, tell other trusted people too (although sometimes you might start defending your relationship when they start agreeing with you that the relationship isn't right). You need to send up a mental warning flare to yourself that a line has been crossed. The reason/cause/trigger almost does not matter. But if you find yourself regularly feeling that your relationship is hurting one partner or the other (or the kids), with no sign of proper repair or improvement, that is enough reason to think about leaving. It is yourself you need to send that SOS to, and that is hard.

Griff1963 · 18/06/2025 08:52

I dont understand this. You're not his mother!!

AlertCat · 18/06/2025 11:43

starship92 · 15/06/2025 18:16

This is why I'm asking for other opinions because i don't think the whole scenario should have resulted in his reaction. I definitely think there is something else going on

Show quote history

@starship92 have things settled down?

StrawberrySquash · 18/06/2025 11:50

I don't get the logic of no one is allowed to speak badly of their partner. We all need to vent, we all need to talk things through. I wouldn't be happy to hear things said about me, but I think it's allowed. Also how is one to talk to someone about an abusive partner who you may not even realise is if there's a blanket ban?

MyLov · 18/06/2025 13:24

Sorry but he doesn’t get to decide who you talk to you about issues that affect you.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/06/2025 15:58

StrawberrySquash · 18/06/2025 11:50

I don't get the logic of no one is allowed to speak badly of their partner. We all need to vent, we all need to talk things through. I wouldn't be happy to hear things said about me, but I think it's allowed. Also how is one to talk to someone about an abusive partner who you may not even realise is if there's a blanket ban?

Exactly. It's also just realistic.

NormaNormal · 19/06/2025 16:24

StrawberrySquash · 18/06/2025 11:50

I don't get the logic of no one is allowed to speak badly of their partner. We all need to vent, we all need to talk things through. I wouldn't be happy to hear things said about me, but I think it's allowed. Also how is one to talk to someone about an abusive partner who you may not even realise is if there's a blanket ban?

You do it out of the partner's earshot, to someone who'll not blab to the partner.
You tell someone who will listen objectively.

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