Husband overheard me

[starship92]

Basically my husband was annoyed with me this morning because he was "disappointed" in my fathers day effort.

For context - due to personal issues i was unable to get to the shops for a card this whole week so was going today as soon as they opened. (He was aware of this) but i had ordered him a personalised gift (which i thought was really nice) from the kids which was here for his waking this morning.

He was in a sulk all morning and it made me (probably irrationally) angry because i had tried my best considering the circumstances (i had also made his favourite meal last night as a fathers day celebration).

He stormed out earlier and came back as he has forgot something, and he overheard me complaining on the phone to my sister about him.

He has come down on me like a tonne of bricks over this. Says he doesnt want our personal life or our problems discussed with anyone. Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking im within my rights to confide in my sister about this argument? Is it really that big a deal? Granted i definitely was "ranting" when he overheard...but still?

how is a health concern the same as saying 'DH is upset and ignoring me because I didn't buy a card and gave him on the children made instead'. It sounds like she tried to speak to him and he's acting like a moody teenager.

A lack of thought? he got a personalised gift, his favourite dinner and a home made card. He sounds spoiled and just wanted something to go in a huff about.

Tell him to grow up or fxxx off. Life’s too short.

But abuse is a grey line. How do you define the point you're being being abused from? The first physical assault is easy to identify, but what about that push last week that he said was an accident? What about the months of verbally assgressive comments? Which one of those is the start of abuse? How long do you put up with it before you can tell? And if you've alwaysaintained your partner is a saint and your marriage is the best, how much harder to now tell everyone actually he's abusive and it's been low level shit for years

He is being unreasonable complaining about not getting a card when you ordered him a gift.

I think the call with your sister depends on what and how it was said. Him not wanting you to discuss things with anyone sounds controlling.

And ‘he’s having a sulky’. Wtf? Is he a 5 year old?

I never speak to anyone else about my relationship issues. I'm happy for my partner to speak about what ever they want to but DO NOT discuss me, my feelings or anything else about me. I feel that 1. its nothing to do with anyone else. 2. no matter what the other person will form an opinion and it will change the dynamic.

Time to take a deep breath or several and make your own plans.My first step is contact you local women's support group. They will be a great sounding board

His behaviour is ridiculous! He got a nice meal and a present! What more does he want?? Can't believe people on here are saying OP didn’t do enough! And for him to go into a huge sulk??!! Laughable!! And it's perfectly reasonable to discuss your life with your sister. 100% not unreasonable.

Him telling her not to discuss their issues/his behaviour smacks of controlling behaviour

Not sure why he cares about you buying him a card, I love handmade cards from the little one but a standard card from a shop mean so much less to me, making my favourite meal would mean alot, speaking to your sister about it I get why you do that kind of as thats how females are they have people they confide in but I also get him as males for the most part dont really talk to people about stuff and definitely not about our personal lifes, men and women are very different in this, can I ask dose he do alot for you on mothers day? Break down of a great father's day waking up to a bj, a good breakfast cards from the kids few little gifts from the kids, a nice meal and a cold beer and most important dont ask him to do anything that day give him the day off

Your husband is a prick. Sulking because he didn’t get a shit card from Tesco? If my husband hadn’t got me a card from the kids but had got a thoughtful gift, lovely dinner and home made card I’d tell him not to worry about popping to the shops.

Id also expect my partner to moan about me to a friend or relative if I’d behaved as badly as he did.

Well the OP is entitled to emotional support.
Where do you suggest she is getting from instead?

He doesn't get to decide who she talking about HER relationship issues with.
If it was somethimg like his mental health, then Faye enpugh. But things that are affecting her life? Nope.

@CharlieEffie , It doesn't. Sulking about his wife not buying a Father's Day card is.

@starship92 , I remember a Christmas years ago, when I bought a beautiful and appropriate card for my then boyfriend. It was not a cheap one and I was out of work at the time.
He sulked because I hadn't put a loving message in it.

And even with abusive behaviour, some people are just impossible to live with. What MN calls Twats or Tosser.
When you’ve spent years smoothing over things, keeping the peace, it can be extremely hard to see it. Are people not allowed to seek support there either?

Exactly. And it's not good to either a. tell someone every time they do something even small to annoy you when many times you just want to bent it out and move on / on reflection it's you or the situation etc. b. Keep everything pent up inside because you can't ever tell anyone how you're feeling

OFGS, why does anyone fall for this marketing rubbish each year.
£4 for a piece of card, no chance. A grown man sulking over it? What a turn off.

Mothers Day was banned by me from the off. I considered every day to be mother's day when lucky enough to be one. I did treat my own mum, as she liked it.
Don't go for any of that sales hype, they all pass without mention.
Birthdays are very different, being personal. Obviously without a birthday, the person wouldn't be here, that's worth celebrating.

A card from the toddler , a personalised gift given and a special dinner cooked for him - that sounds perfect 👌

you had personal reasons for not presenting him with a card but went out and got one later … why ? Surely if it was illness , lack of mobility why in earth did he expect one from you? Clearly what ever it was , was not acceptable excuse to him ? I want to know what this reason was as I think this is interesting you haven’t said …

sulking , storming off and threatening divorce are never acceptable behaviours in a healthy marriage
smells like an affair or emotional affair at the least

i once over heard my partner moaning about me to our friend and was v upset , especially as the moan was unjustified, I did ask that in future any gripes be kept to ourselves and not Shared with friends, as far as I am aware they have honoured this. But the big difference is I want to hear the issue myself so we can TALK about it and resolve it and I do not want my partner to have any moans or complaints , I think this is a seminal moment in your marriage and therapy would be advisable

If he doesn't like you being truthful about his behaviour, he should change his behaviour. Has he been supportive at all after your crappy week?

Hi usually when the reaction seems disproportionate to the event there may be some underlying issues that have not been resolved. I think you need to sit with your husband and talk to him about what he is feeling. Be ready to listen attentively and take note of any wrongs on your part that he may want to address as I do have a suspicion that his reaction stems from far deeper than what happened on father's day.

I never discussed anything that occurred between Husband and I. You should sort it between you.

I am a dad and his reaction is a bit pathetic really

It's perfectly normal to not want your partner to gossip about you relationship issues to everyone. (Unless it's something really serious)

To those saying it's controlling to not want all your dirty laundry hung out to dry, lord knows how you're in a relationship. And I'm sure you'd be completely at peace hearing your partner slag you off to his parents and friends continuously. No issues with that right! Otherwise you'd be controlling!

It's not about the card. if he wasn't sulking about the card it would be something else.

I can understand why OP wanted to vent her frustration, but I can see why he minded.

its normal to vent to close friends/relative. if you are having to vent all the time then maybe its time to reassess the relationship. people suggesting speaking to a paid stranger over your closest confidentes is mind boggling. yanbu, your husband is a dick, on this occasion.