AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

So did you spend Mother's Day away from your own child so she could be with your MIL? How old is the child @AlertHazelExpert

She may not know how to work the relationship with you. She may have assumed that you'd be spending mother's day with your own mother

I think you need to calm down and think rationally.

This is a complete non event. Raise this as an issue if you wish to appear unhinged.

No we both weren’t invited and my child is 4 she is going to start seeing how her mother and her is othered and that’s a fear of mine. She will see her mother as being treated as “less than” or a second class citizen. My husband took my daughter and I out to brunch and he profusely apologized on his mother’s behalf but I was so hurt by the whole thing. So hurt

No she knew as my husband told her our plans. Even so it never hurts to ask. This is off leaving the mother of your GC out completely disregarding her on Mother’s Day then lavishing your son on Father’s Day as if I don’t even exist. We are married I’m a part of the family. Raising an issue with family when they hurt you is completely normal it’s all in how it’s said and presented.

It’s weird I wasn’t thought of at all. And let’s go with the well your her DIL not her daugther argument sure ok we could go with that angle but what about the angle of my daughter is just as much her granddaughter as her daughter’s kids are (my nieces) and maybe we would like to be included in that.

Tbh, I wouldn’t have expected to be invited to spend Mother’s Day with my MIL and SIL. I imagine a lot of people would prefer to have gone out with your DH in your shoes. So I don’t think that being left off the invitation list is really something to make a big deal about although I think going forward you could convey to your MIL or SIL how much you’d like to participate in such things.

Unhinged for being hurt at being left out

Mother’s Day is where mums are celebrated yes? She’s not your mum, you’re not hers. I see no issue here other than you being bothered. She’s not even invited them thus preventing you being celebrated as a mother by him and your child. As her son if anyone should have been invited it’s him and your DC?

It's not up to her to celebrate you as a mother. It's up to her children to treat her. It would be up to your DH and kids to treat you, or for you to treat your mum. Why would you spend mothers day with your mil and not your own mum?

Ok that sounds good. Maybe I could say something if it happens again next year, “hey I saw on FB you all had a really nice lunch I’m glad you had a great time next year me and your other granddaughter would love to join I would hate for my daughter to feel like she is the only granddaughter not invited”

I think in a marriage it’s about unity and you shouldn’t celebrate the father and do nothing for the mother considering she carried your GC and birthed them. Both sets of grandparents always celebrated both my parents respectively on father and Mother’s Day bc they recognized it was a team effort and they appreciated both the mother and father of their GC

Kindly OP, you weren't left out of anything, she spent the day with her daughters which is lovely and your husband made it special for you.
You shouldn't be spending more on your mil than your own mother, it's perfectly normal to favour her.

Why would my husband be invited to a Mother’s Day celebration??

Because she is his Mum???

But my daughter is as much her granddaughter as her daughter’s kids are. What do I say to my daughter when she asks why all her cousins get to go with their grandmother but her. Ohh bc mommy doesn’t really count bc your grandmother didn’t birth her.

Because she is his mother

This is a really odd reaction. I would never expect to celebrate Mother’s Day with a MIL not my own mother. Why would you?

but I’m the mother of his child it would be weird to leave me at home and celebrate his mom over me

Stop bending over backwards to make sure that things are even between your mum and your MIL, even to the point that you are treating your MIL better than your mum. Leave it up to your DH to arrange things with her and don't worry about upsetting your MIL if you see a lot more of your mum with your baby.

She has clearly demonstrated that she doesn't see you as one of the family so stop making such an effort.

To celebrate his mother?

Well my husband wants to address it with his mother he feels hurt his wife was overlooked so I think he’s going to

You sound hard work perhaps that’s why she didn’t invite you

Oh believe me I’m dropping the rope completely bc once you show me what you really think of me and my place in the family I will act accordingly. I will always be polite and civil of course but as far as gift giving goes that’s completely up to my husband. He can spend a penny or a thousand dollars on her I don’t care but I’m not reminding him and he needs to orchestrate it all on his own

Because your MIL is his mother?