AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

[AlertHazelExpert]

I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

Mind blown that anyone would expect a mother's day card from anyone other than her own child.

Also mind blown that once you are married you are expected to be joined at the hip and attend every event as a pair.

I think it's a troll too, possibly a man with nothing better to do and want to rile people up.

Edit: OP wouldnmake good friends with the poster who want to go on holiday with the ex's family, except, it's probably the same person.

I agree.

This thread is quite bonkers.

Unless OP contributes something worthwhile I don’t see the point anymore in adding my two pence worth anymore.

That's just semantics. Yes they are your nieces too but through marriage. Ditto your status to them as aunt. Through marriage.
Regardless, your MIL is not your mother. She can celebrate mothers' day with her children if she wishes.
You can celebrate mother's day with your husband and child/children or with your own mother.

To be absolutely clear, the purpose of mother's day originally wasn't even anything to do with mothers or maternity. It was to do with the 'mother church' - the church of the parish in which people grew up.

Commercialism has turned it into competitive gift-giving and people pleasing.

When are Hallmark going to invent Grandmothers and DILs Days so that OP can froth legitimately?

wow you’re a piece of work!!

Ooh. Have you forgotten to use the correct user name for this pile of waffle OP?

So, BeBrightTraybake is AlertHazelExpert.

It’s an easy code so I should imagine all your strange threads will become clear.

Hurrah for what 3 words eh?

For those that didn’t see the message from BeBrightTraybake before they edited it, they were questioning why someone had to keep saying that the nieces and nephews were through marriage and why couldn’t they just say they were ‘my nieces and nephews. ‘
In the time it took me to quote and add my above message they had hastily edited it.

BeBrightTraybake·Original·Today 19:23
why can’t you just say they are my nieces. Why don’t have to specify it’s through marriage. They are my nieces point blank.

Because they are.
Same as if your siblings had children they'd be your husbands nieces and nephews through marriage.

The original gripe was that your mother in law didn't do anything with you for mothers day. Many poster have explained multiple times but you're determined to make an issue of it.

It doesn't make them any less loved but there is a degree of removal of direct relationship. In the same way that your mother in law is different to your mother. And as and when, your child's spouses are different to your actual children.

Do your parents do anything to 'celebrate' your DH?

They will ALWAYS be your husbands nieces. If you divorce they would no longer be your nieces

It’s sh*t, but this is often the case when a woman marries into a family where there are sisters. You were deliberately excluded (based on the premise that you weren’t deliberately INcluded) and she could have asked in the hope that you had other plans.

this pattern is going to repeat itself and unfortunately, unless she starts doing it to more people, it may be something you have to resign yourself to, even though you shouldn’t have to; but if she gets old and decrepit and is on her deathbed, you lean into her and tell her that you made DH into the man he is today, not her. And then watch the joy drain from her eyes along with her life, in the few minutes she has left on this earth.

women should support women, and she knows what she is doing and thinks she is getting away with it.

Why weren't you with your own mother?

Tbh this seems normal, a woman spent mothers day with her children and their children.. why would she invite you, she isnt your mother?

I do think if you want to be included in future speak to her, tell her it hurt, tell her youd like to partake next time. But I dont think she did anything wrong

So when you took your mother for dinner, did you invite anyone else? Or was it just for you and your mother (plus your husband and child)? Because you can’t complain you were left out of a Mother’s Day celebration organized by someone who is not your mother if you also had a Mother’s Day celebration and didn’t invite people that your mother did not birth.

I think you need to step away from social media. It’s clearly influencing your sense of reality. Why do you feel left out just because some family members did something on one day without you? I assume you spend Christmas and other holidays with them? What does one day matter? Is t every day Mother’s Day? You don’t stop being a mother just because it’s not Mother’s Day. Stop giving in to the pressure of social media to live your life a certain way. Good grief.

Why would a woman have to include her brother’s wife in order to hang out with her own mother?

if she gets old and decrepit and is on her deathbed, you lean into her and tell her that youmade DH into the man he is today, not her. And then watch the joy drain from her eyes along with her life, in the few minutes she has left on this earth.

You’re literally more unhinged than the OP

I understand your hurt. You try to hard to be a daughter to this woman and you want her to see you as her child and treat you as one. Maybe it's time you started to see her as a MIL and not a mother. I don't know the story between you and your own mum, but have you thought about how your mum would have felt on Mother's day? If the MIL does not reciprocate your attention, please keep it to yourself or give it to the one who would never make you feel this way. Wishing you all the best!

I think it's great shame that there is such a fuss over Mothering Sunday (as it was known before St Hallmark took it over). There shouldn't be such a drama over a day when all you're asked to do is be nice to your Mum!

I don’t view Mother’s Day as a day to celebrate all mothers, just a day to celebrate my own mother, and for my child to celebrate me. Since my child is only 3, my husband currently arranges a Mother’s Day gift, card, and outing on her behalf, but when she is older I would expect her to organise this on her own, as I do for my own mum. I don’t celebrate my MIL because she isn’t my mum, that is my husband’s responsibility.
I also don’t think you need to make an effort to show MIL that you don’t favour your own mum over her; in fact I think you should favour your own mother. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for blood relatives to be favored (to some degree) over in-laws.

You’re literally unaware that sarcasm exists

You would of been invited though if your Husband had arranged to see his Mother on Mothers day.

My MIL is no longer with us, but if she was I’d only be going to her celebration if

1. My own mother wasnt available to celebrate with

1. My husband had arranged to see his Mum with us going along.

Your husband took just you out to celebrate I think thats lovely 🥰

She probably just didnt think you be wanting to see her on Mothers Day & you’d be seeing your own Mum, or spending quality time with your own child.

Ask her next year, I’m sure she’d have loved you both there if she knew.

I have a MIL like this. I just shifted my focus away from her and built relationships with people I do enjoy. Funnily enough, I did speak with her and she did change. She's made more effort to reach out, go to lunch, etc. I think some people just don't have much emotional intelligence and you have to SAY what you want/ need rather than hoping they guess it.