AIBU to think this conversation needs to come from my husband and not from me?

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I'm feeling hurt and overlooked after my MIL celebrated Mother's Day with her daughters and granddaughters, but didn't invite me. As the mother of her grandchild and someone who plays an active role in her granddaughter's life, I felt like I should have been included. What's even more hurtful is that she knew I was available, as I wasn't planning to go to my own mother's for dinner. If it was just a regular day and she was spending time with her daughters without the kids, I'd totally get it - that's mother-daughter time. But since it was a Mother's Day celebration and the kids were invited, I felt like I should have been included, especially as a mother in the family. I saw the pictures on FB and I teared up as soon as I saw I wasn’t even thought of. I even asked my husband to make sure he didn’t forget to mention it to me as you know how men can forget to mention those types of things and he said his mom never mention it to him and he was very upset about it himself but he feels since my MIL left me out I should be the one to have the conversation with her I also would have loved to spend time with my nieces and celebrate the day with them.

To make matters more frustrating, she made a big effort to celebrate Father's Day with my husband just a day ago. I always thought we were close and that she valued me as part of the family, but now I'm wondering if that's true. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it?

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body but my husband deserves all the glory on Father’s Day and I don’t even get a freaking card on Mother’s Day. Not to mention I bend over backwards to make sure things are even between my mother and MIL. If anything the gifts I get my MIL may be a tad more than I get my own mom just to show I’m not favoring my own mother and because I appreciate her for being an awesome grandmother to my daughter. Besides even if you could make the argument that I’m her DIL and not her actual daughter sure but my child is just as much her GC as her daughter’s children are

AIBU to think my husband should have this conversation with my MIL instead of me?

Because it’s his mother? Or are men not allowed to celebrate Mother’s Day with their own mums?

You are being a bit bonkers to be honest.
Your sister in laws children were included because the occasion had been organised by their mum. Ifvyiur dh had organised a treat for your mil , you and your children would have been there too.
Maybe your husband need to say to his sister that next year, you could all do something together?
Surely the important thing for you would have been bring eith your daughter amd seeing your mum?
Did YOUR mum get you a card or celebrate you?

Your mil has done something for fit your husband because he's her son!

To me mother's day would be spent with my own kids (if I had them) or my own Mum (if she was alive). I wouldn't really expect to be included in someone inviting their own daughter.

But as others say, just mention that you feel it would be lovely to have a do that included you and whoever else next time. And offer to help organise it, book venue etc.

Don't take it as a terrible aside against you. I don't think it could've been meant that way if you get on well with them in general.

I think you are overreacting.

In a nutshell she's not your mother.

I don’t get other posters at all. It’s so obvious to me she should have invited you. It was a get together for the mothers in the family and you should be included in that. I’d be so hurt too. I think you should make it explicit you’d like to be invited next time. If it happens again at least you know where you stand.

im sorry though- i can see why you were so hurt

OP I agree with the original poster here. You aren’t her daughter. No matter how much you think you should be treated as such or however part of the family you feel. She celebrated her son - she didn’t go overboard and unfortunately you just sound jealous here.

Everyone sees the world through their own eyes. She celebrated her daughters and their kids and she celebrated her son. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. She may have thought your parents do the same for you as she sees the world that way.

I just see your post as having a bit of victim mentality. Your husband and children should celebrate you being a mother not your MIL.

Because she's his mother?

I think you're misunderstanding mothers day OP. Your Mil spent the day with her daughters, you're not her daughter so yes, sorry but YABU and I really don't think you should mention it

I would love to read a mother in law posting. I took my daughters and granddaughters out to brunch on Mother’s Day but I didn’t invite my DIL and her daughter my DIL and son are hurt by this. Everyone would say how is your other GD any less your GD bc she came from your son and not your daughter? Rude to not acknowledge the mother of your GC and you got your son a Father’s Day gift and nothing af all for the mother of your GC your DIL on Mother’s Day wow she is raising your GC. No one would say my MIL was right to do that

Grandmother, not mother

And to that I will repeat if he and your daughter were invited to celebrate their mother/grandmother with the others. You would have had an issue with that too and instead of her doing so she’s not invited them and left you to be celebrated as a mother in your own right. From the replies to our comments I think I see why!

I dare your point to a degree. I don’t think I should be treated exactly equal to her children but I think it’s a bit shitty to not even get so much as a card to recognize me as the mother who is raising her GC and my role in that bc without me her GC wouldn’t be there. I’m not asking for the world. Hell I’ve had FRIENDS a COUSIN send me a card and surely that’s further removed than a MIL

How do you normally get on with her. Are you and her daughters close?

Is Mother's Day the new Christmas Day now in terms of family drama and hurt feelings?

Think of it from MILs point of view. Her daughters are visiting her for Mother’s Day. Normal. Her son has plans with his wife for Mother’s Day. Also normal.

It’s a typo no need to correct me. I’m sure you knew exactly what I meant

It is Mother's Day.

The sisters arranged a treat for their mother. For their mother. For Morher's Day. You should not have expected to be invited, since she is not your mother. They have a right to spend time with their mum without feeling they have to invite you, however much you seem to think otherwise.

You, on the orher hand, did not arrange anything with your mother.

Your husband arranged a treat for you with your daughter. If your daughter is going to feel left out, or a second-class grandchild, it won't be because two caring sisters didn't invite you along to their and their mother's gig; it will be because you demonstrated to her very clearly how a nice day ewth her and her dad wasn't good enough for you. Comparison is the theif of joy, and all that.

YABU and weird!! It’s not your mum!

Ok I guess I’ll drop it. Guess it’s normal. Not normal amongst my circle of friends as they were all fully embraced but I have to accept everyone does things differently

I arranged a nice dinner to treat my mom with.

Do you even know MIL arranged it? Maybe the SILs decided to take their mother out for Mother’s Day, and also wanted to spend it with their children - on account of being their mother. They should’ve invited your DH, but probably rightly assumed that he’d want to spend the day with the mother of his children.

They could’ve extended an invite to you, but it would have been tenuous given the day was about daughters being with their mothers, and you don’t fit into either category.

I’ve never once got a card from my mil or even my own mother because I have (some) of their gc. I’d think they’d gone barmy if they’d sent me a mother’s day card for bearing them gc. I don’t think it’s a thing.

Its like cool I carried your grandbaby for 9 months pushed her out of my body and permanently changed my body

Did you do this at her request or because you wanted a child?
She’s not your mother. You spent the day with your child, she spent the day with her daughters.

Everyone sees the world through their own eyes. She celebrated her daughters and their kids and she celebrated her son. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. She may have thought your parents do the same for you as she sees the world that way.

Exactly as the previous poster said with this above.

I get that you feel left out and would have liked to have been included but i seriously doubt any issue was meant. She is just celebrating her children. Everyone has a different view. She may have not wanted to intrude by assuming that role in your life. I don’t think any offence was meant to your daughter either as she will have seen her on Fathers Day and not her other GC from what you say. She just sees it as spending time with her kids, of which you are not one. This is just a different point of view to yours and no right or wrong just different perspectives. I do not think she meant you any harm or disrespect.

I think you are being over sensitive here. Your MIL knew your DH was taking you are your dd out for lunch on Mother’s Day. If anything it was your DH that wasn’t invited as it is his mum but sounds like she thought you were doing something together as a family.

What?? Why should your MIL get you a card on Mother’s Day? Your husband should sort a card for your daughter to give you. I’m amazed that you can be so indignant but weren’t spending the day with your own mum??