People who ring repeatedly when you don’t answer

[Chocolatesplease]

Aibu to think that people who ring you over and over again when you don’t answer are rude, attention seeking and a bit weird? Unless of course it’s an emergency.

If I don’t answer the first call, what makes them think I’m going to answer the 2nd 3rd or 10th time?

Sometimes I’m having a shower or my phone is in another room on charge and I’ll go to it and there’ll be 20 missed calls. Or I might be at work. Any number of reasons why I can’t answer.

It’s a certain few people who do this.

Mobile phones have missed call notifications, so it’s obvious that someone will ring back when they can.

But how would you know of it wasn't an emergency if you didn't answer?

Generally yes but it depends why. If someone is ringing me because I’m 10 minutes late to meet them and they want to know an ETA or whatever, I think it’s far more acceptable than if someone is ringing for a chat or something that can wait.

Probably to piss you off as it takes nothing to answer or drop a quick text saying I’ll ring you back later
ignoring is just rude

I’m curious as to how people answer because that’s what my MIL does. Often when I am talking to my dh or my dcs, she will call and call back and they end up having to end our conversations because they get sick of repeatedly rejecting the call.

Yep! And the people who make out they've been trying you for hours and are really worried when actually theyve tried calling you twice over 20 mins...

There are no end to the number of reasons why someone can’t answer the phone immediately.

Timescales - if you are busy then it could take a while before you call or text back -so no you shouldn’t drop everything to say “I’ll get back to you” that instant

if you expect someone to drop everything because you interrupted them by phoning that’s rude in the first case after all

if it’s an emergency try ringing and then send a text

otherwise - wait for them to get cal to you at their convenience

edit for clarity

Because it’s the same people who do it every time.

Certain people can’t just ring once. They keep calling and calling

@Chocolatesplease My elderly Dad does this. Why he doesn’t just leave me a message I don’t understand.

He’s well into his 80’s though and I think he’s forgotten that some of us still work. 🤣

MIL does this. She rings Hs 2 mobiles and our house phone in rotation if she doesn’t get an answer. I do just ignore her now as it’s never anything important. She’s going to come a cropper if ever there is an emergency!

Oh and sometimes I’m driving and using my phone as a Satnav, and I’ve got someone ringing me 20 bloomin times in a row.

Yes and I find that the people who do this won’t accept if you say you’re in the middle of something. So even if you can answer it’s no good saying you’re busy and will call them back. They want an hour conversation there and then.

You're right though, if there was an emergency they’ll come unstuck.

@Chocolatesplease Yes, I usually answer my Dad and even if I say that I’m going into a meeting in 5 mins, he chats until I cut him off!

I think it’s age-related with him tbh, he doesn’t pick up on social cues the way he used to.

Omg my mum does this and it drives me mad. I could be out for dinner, or busy doing anything, and then I check my phone and I see a missed call. Then another one from two minutes later. And then a text five minutes later saying “hi, tried to call earlier!” I’ve told her MULTIPLE times she doesn’t need to do this, if she calls and I don’t answer, it’s because I’m busy and I’ll call or text back as soon as I can.

My phone is for me, for my convenience.
I'll answer or call back when I want to no matter how many times you ring.
I really hate being contactable so easily.

Both my mother and sister in law did this

Neither could accept I was busy so would call back every 2 minutes until I did answer

It was never important-it got to the point where id leave my phone at home and fuck off out for the day (at the time I was single so they couldnt bother my dp)

I let them waste their time trying to contact me when a text would have done (I know this is spiteful but id taken months of being screamed at for not answering on the first ring)

I'm now nc with them both so they don't have my number (thankfully)

My late MIL was an absolute fiend for this. My husband worked full time in a responsible job, but she would always ring and ring and ring during the day, even when he told her he wasn't going to answer when he was at work or otherwise busy. She rang every few minutes throughout the evening and carried on through the night. When he blocked her she called the police at 2am, and demanded they bring him to her!!!! She was the most self-centered person I've ever met, she had no sympathy with the fact that her son had a demanding full-time job in the medical profession.

What's rude is expecting someone to answer when it's convenient for you but you have no idea if it's convenient for them.

it's really not always possible to drop what you are doing to answer or text. And that's absolutely in no way rude.

The more people do that, the more I don't answer. If someone called me that number of times without a damned good reason, I would block their number. I have one person in my life who calls too often and I have pretty much done the slow fade. I can't be doing with excessive neediness, it is as you say attention seeking, dramatic behaviour.

My mother had form for this. She couldn't understand that someone might be doing something rather than sitting by the phone waiting for her to call. If you didn't answer the house phone, she called the mobile repeatedly until you answered.
One time we were on a train, then lunch and a theatre trip, hotel and back the following day on the train again. We turned our phones off when we got on the train, didn't check them until we got to the hotel in the evening. My voicemail blew up with calls from her, then my aunt, then my in-laws. She had gone online to find my in-laws number because she couldn't get hold of me.
She didn't just do this to me. I once got a frantic call because a friend 'was ignoring her calls'. Said friend was on holiday!

Yeah my old people do this as well. My mum is relentless with my DH during the day when he’s at work , It’s because old people don’t understand mobile etiquette and use them like the old land lines. My mum has a mobile and understands how they work, missed call notifications etc, but will still call repeatedly several times in a row. However she will always answer her mobile, doesn’t matter what she’s doing and if she can’t for some reason will make one us answer to tell whoever is calling she is busy . Will not understand that not answering the call in the first place gives the same message. Yes it’s infuriating.

My mum does this all the time. She cannot get it in to her head that i am unable to answer the phone because i am busy. She thinks that i am ignoring her. She just wants to talk about crap. I don't want to hear about Johnny's cold. She even complains that i don't take my mobile with me when i go to the toilet.

Yep.

i work shifts so put my phone on dnd when I’m sleeping in the day.

some people will deliberately double ring to get round the dnd (if someone rings twice immediately it allows it through in case it’s an emergency, and I will usually answer in case it’s an emergency)

they know I work shifts, and sleep in the day, but for some reason they conclude I just missed their call when I don’t answer.

if I call them out it’s “oh well it’s 11am you’ll be getting up soon”. No, I got to bed at 9am and am working at 7pm. I need sleep!

I have worked shifts for nearly 20 years, btw, it’s not a new thing!

It's irritating from people who think they're so important and have no respect for your time

If I don’t answer a text within a few minutes my mom will call me - usually as I’m upstairs and my phone is on charge downstairs.