People who ring repeatedly when you don’t answer

[Chocolatesplease]

Aibu to think that people who ring you over and over again when you don’t answer are rude, attention seeking and a bit weird? Unless of course it’s an emergency.

If I don’t answer the first call, what makes them think I’m going to answer the 2nd 3rd or 10th time?

Sometimes I’m having a shower or my phone is in another room on charge and I’ll go to it and there’ll be 20 missed calls. Or I might be at work. Any number of reasons why I can’t answer.

It’s a certain few people who do this.

Mobile phones have missed call notifications, so it’s obvious that someone will ring back when they can.

It’s a couple of people I know who do this.

One of the people does it all the time. I could be paying at the checkout, driving, in a doctors appointment, at parents evening speaking to the teacher, in a meeting at work.

Once she did it while I was in hospital giving birth.

Cant believe that some people are saying it’s rude not to answer the phone, no matter what you’re doing.

I don’t mind people ringing me at all, but ringing 20 times in a row is fucking ridiculous.

That's not just dysfunctional, that's abusive.

They have to respond or you'll smash your way into the house. Fuck that, it would be living in terror of you.

I had a quite-young friend who would call if she needed help with something specific. If I happened to be out and otherwise occupied, she would call back repeatedly asking if I was home yet? If not, when would I be home? And I would find her parked on the drive when I did get home...if she needed help, then she needed it immediately...

My ex used to do that. If I was making bread or up a ladder painting a ceiling or mid changing a filthy nappy, he rang and I didn't answer (for obvious reasons), he would ring every twenty seconds. I hated it, it made me feel hunted and as if I didn't have the right to manage my own time.

He was incapable of just leaving a message. He could not understand that I (or others) were not at his beck and call. Just horrible.

In the end, if he did it, I'd make a point of not ringing back until the following day.

Thankfully, I don't have to put up with his ill manners any more. 🙂

What is the point of ringing someone 10 times in a row?

Unless of course it’s a genuine emergency and you’re trying to alert them/get their attention that is another matter.

But if you’re ringing over something trivial then why not just leave a message or send a text.

If I’m in the shower then I’ll see the missed call and ring them back. Ringing 10 times isn’t going to make me answer but it does cause a nuisance if I’m doing something.

My nephew used to do this. 20 missed calls while I was in the shop. Usually because he wanted to talk to my DS about Pokemon. Luckily by the age of 10 we'd managed to explain enough times how annoying it was that he now sends a billion texts instead asking when he can call. Which is marginally less annoying.

So @Viviennemary everyone should be at your beck and call instantly, regardless of if they are speaking to someone else and you are interrupting. Or having sex, or painting a ceiling, or changing a bike chain with hands covered in oil. Or they've just sat down to eat after a bad day and want to eat their food while hot.

You think they are the rude ones......!

I hope you are being ironic.

But what if they can’t send a message to reply for various reasons? or they have gone for a day out and not told you?

my dad rings multiple times even if I don’t answer - just for a chat. Once he knew I had gone to the theatre and through the show I had multiple calls and texts asking if I had got to London ok as I wasn’t answering - I’m not getting my phone out in the middle of a show I have paid a lot of money to enjoy!

Unless it’s urgent there’s no need to ring at all.

Block them then 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they’re that bladdy irritating a block them. Have you told them how irritating it is and how much you dislike it? If so - block.

@feelingblehYou sound unhinged. I’m surprised you have people who tolerate you.

You are so out of order with this it's unreal.
Anxiety or not, it's YOUR problem you feel this way not the poor people in your life who you are demanding responses from. I would cut anyone out immediately who behaved this way.

Well I like you too! 😅

@feelingbleh Christ, how intrusive. I'd have blocked you and changed my number.

@feelingbleh I'm sorry you're struggling so much and hope you're getting help for the anxiety. But I have to be honest, if you were my friend you'd make my anxiety worse as I'd feel hounded and unable to relax.

Luckily the people in my life manage it really well and I obviously know people's routines so im not ringing them when their at work or if I know their out somewhere or past a certain time at night and I do usually message first and give it a few minutes before I turn frantic. It's an issue iv had from years ago after my best friend ended her life and everytime I rang and she didn't answer was because she had made an attempt and was usually unconscious somewhere this happened 5 times within 2 months before she actually died and since then I just get really panicky and scared when people don't answer as I think their dead and I think this is why my friends and family are so understanding about it and they will often just send a quick msg saying im good but can't talk right now and im fine with that

And this is why I don't have friends like you

It absolutely is my problem but luckily I have good friends who are understanding to why im lile this.

I have amazing friends

I usually know where everyone is so I would know if someone had gone to the theatre

They wouldn't be saying that if their dead on the floor

Isn’t it rude to not answer a call from someone, especially when they try repeatedly. OP, you’re rude and wrong.

Rude even if I'm busy? I could be having a shit, or a wank. I might be reading my book and relaxing in he bath. I might be busy shopping, or at the cinema. Maybe I'm having a meal with a friend. Maybe I just don't feel like talking right now.

Constantly ringing me is rude!

But you could send a quick msg to say can't talk right now

If you struggle with this now, try moving to an Arabic country where persistence is part of a business relationship. Clients and bosses will call repeatedly at any time, colleagues will throw a tantrum if you say you'll deal with their issue tomorrow (because in their culture "tomorrow" is an indirect way of saying never), even if you build a reputation for getting back to people within (say) 24 hours they will try to jump the queue all the time. When I did get a boss from a Western country he turned out to be a power player who used to call all the time as well. Exhausting.