People who ring repeatedly when you don’t answer

[Chocolatesplease]

Aibu to think that people who ring you over and over again when you don’t answer are rude, attention seeking and a bit weird? Unless of course it’s an emergency.

If I don’t answer the first call, what makes them think I’m going to answer the 2nd 3rd or 10th time?

Sometimes I’m having a shower or my phone is in another room on charge and I’ll go to it and there’ll be 20 missed calls. Or I might be at work. Any number of reasons why I can’t answer.

It’s a certain few people who do this.

Mobile phones have missed call notifications, so it’s obvious that someone will ring back when they can.

Not if I'm in the cinema, or having sex (chance would be a fine thing). I often charge my phone when I'm in the bath. I. Might not hear it if I'm in a shop.
There are many times I can't "just send a text"

My FIL is like this, and DH to an extent. Both take their phones when they shower (separately!) and I hate it. A habit from running own business, I suppose.

I think you’ve misunderstood my comment. I wasn’t saying it’s not rude to call 10 times. I was replying to a comment that said “Probably to piss you off as it takes nothing to answer or drop a quick text saying I’ll ring you back later
ignoring is just rude”
So I was asking that poster how is it rude to not answer the phone when you’re in the shower. It’s not rude of you because you’re in the shower unaware the phone is ringing.

Someone I knew once described telephones as the equivalent of sticking your head through someone's front window and shouting at them until they talk to you I have always found this hilarious, but it makes me really anxious about calling people in case I am disturbing them.

I love the fact you had to state the fact they shower separately 🤣🤣🤣

It’s because old people don’t understand mobile etiquette and use them like the old land lines.

It's not acceptable with a landline either; it never has been.

People who do this are either deeply arrogant in assuming that you have absolutely nothing else going on in your life other than to answer their call the instant that they want to speak to you, or otherwise they have a very tiny world in which they are at the centre and cannot fathom that other people have a full life, with many scenarios and many contacts apart from just them.

It's like they've never moved on from being a baby or a toddler - even if they've been alive for 60, 70, 80, 90 years - where it's still normal for them to keep crying or screaming repeatedly until somebody comes to provide whatever it is that they want NOW.

I read it back before posting and it read like they showered together 😅 They are close, but not that close!

I agree with PP that it will eventually backfire, when everybody realises that they just cry wolf.

If you had a friend who normally treated you with respect and tried to call and then, getting no answer, maybe tried again a couple of hours later; but this one time they called endlessly and repeatedly as they'd tripped and fallen over and were bleeding quite profusely, you would know that it was out of character for them and would realise that it must be an emergency.

Once people know that you are just an arrogant timewaster without any respect for boundaries, they will assume that repeated calls from you are just down to this and will ignore or block you.

It's a bit like people in person who will not accept that you don't have time for a chat and seek to take your time from whatever important thing it is that you are in the middle of, as they believe they are the most important person in everybody's lives.

If you know that they will never respect your time and will only insist on a three-hour conversation, you will routinely ignore them completely every time. By contrast, the people who will respond to "Sorry, I'm really busy now" with "Ah, OK, I won't hold you up - I'll catch you later, then" and will let you go DO usually receive a response.

Eh?

|I never ever ring anyone repeatedly. Where did you get this from?

Surely you realise that there is a whole system in place for emergency calls, which is staffed by large teams of professional people who can respond extremely quickly in the most appropriate way to call-outs?

It's not like you're the only person who can provide help for everybody when an emergency arises; I don't know why you would think you could be or why you would want that to be the case, with you bearing full responsibility for everybody single-handedly.

Sorry, but that's extremely controlling if your adult friends and family feel that they need to tell you every little facet of their lives and keep you informed of where they are and what they're doing every moment of their lives.

I'd block anyone who did this regularly, even if it was my mum. She'd have to start writing me letters instead.

I agree. And anxiety is absolutely no excuse for this level of behaviour.

I am not allowed my phone when I'm at work, it has to put away in my locker. So I've trained everyone who knows me that if they ring and don't get an answer I'm likely on shift, so text me what you want to say and I'll get back to you. If you don't text then you obviously just rang for a chat and I'll message/call you when I feel like it.

Only once have I had repeated missed phone calls and that was when my very good friend needed to tell me her husband had died suddenly. She doesn't have a mobile so couldn't text.

Only mumsnetters get offended if they get a phone call.

I think it is ridiculous.

The irony that the caller is so full of self importance that they dare to make a phone call seems to have been missed by the recipients of the phone calls who also think they are too important to answer them.

For the record, I always message before ringing someone to see if they are free, but I don't get my knickers in a twist if someone rings me.

Ah sorry. I definitely misunderstood what you meant.

So tell me how to fix it then

I don't want to be its exhausting

Have you had any professional help, counselling CBT? You've had a traumatic experience and that's awful. But the demands your placing on everyone seems to be continuing to fuel the anxiety.

Yes iv been under the cmht for years

Have you told them about the specific phonecall and demands you make on your friends and family?

Yeah but its not something they've really been able to help with

@feelingbleh have you not lost a good amount of friends because of this abusive behaviour? How long have you been doing this to people?

No i have amazing friends, me messaging and calling friends is not abusive behaviour, about 20 years

Nobody is getting offended by ONE phone call. I have a friend who I don’t see often who will sometimes call me for a chat. If I don’t answer, she will drop me a text saying “not urgent, just wanted to say hi xx” which I am more than fine with.

Repeatedly ringing someone because you think you deserve their immediate attention is totally rude