Holiday offer revoked

[Singineletricdreams]

I am in the midst of a divorce from DH, which on the most part is fairly civil.

Although we don’t have any children together, I have 2 children from my previous marriage, and every summer we would go to the US and visit DH’s family. DH’s extended family would be there and it’s a lovely relaxing time, and there are lots of cousins etc for my kids to socialise with. They own several holiday homes in the US, and we would have our own house for 3-4 weeks.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

Is he still taking your kids?!

Why on earth would you expect a free holiday from people who are not related to you or your children by blood or marriage? They have no obligation to keep providing this, although I’m sure it was lovely at the time.

No that's completely normal

YABU, it’s strange you thought you would still be holidaying with exes family.

How long were you together, and would you pay all your own costs?

Why would he if they’re not his kids?

Its a shame but it sounds like the family and possibly also ex have decided to end ties with you all now you've separated.
I can see why you're taken aback but it's not totally surprising

No he isn’t.

But your kids are not related to them and do not have cousins there.

Honestly, I think you and your children were lucky to benefit from your husband’s family’s generosity while you were married. Many stepkids are not so readily included.

Surely you didn’t expect this situation to continue once you were no longer a couple?

Ultimately, your children have no connection with these people now that you are no longer married to their relative.

They're not his kids, why would they still visit?

Well not really. This is what divorce usually looks like and if your DC aren't his, then I suppose his family feels like their relationship with you is over too

Incidentally, who was paying for the trip?

Have a word with yourself op, of course you're not still entitled to the free family holiday

You can’t understand why YOU are no longer invited with YOUR kids that are not his when you are separating?

seriously???

relationship over - they are nothing to do with you.

they are not your family!!

why would his family let his ex use their family holiday homes.

It’s sad for your kids but it’s a natural consequence of divorce. I assume it was your decision to split? That’s fine of course, but you are no longer part of their family.

It isn't shitty behaviour, no. I think that's to be expected. It doesn't mean it isn't upsetting for you though - it's a loss as part of the divorce so it's bound to hurt.

Don’t be silly.

That’s why I asked .. some step parents would in spite of a separation

You and your DC were welcomed with your DH. You are no longer a unit with your DH therefore you are no longer part of his family. If he was the father of your DC he would be taking them to see his family.

sorry you’re disappointed, I think this is one of the toughest parts of splitting. All those things that you did together get sort of divided up and you lose some. I do think it would be odd and uncomfortable for you all to go now though. They’re ex’s family not yours so it makes sense. He may even want to take somebody new.
Wish them well, tell them how much you enjoyed it over the years and start some new holidays traditions.

How old are your kids? If they are teens and became friends with the younger generation they may well continue the friendship independently.

Haha they must have thought you were a right CF expecting to still go

Sadly that is what happens in a divorce. You no longer have any links to his family. You had holidays with them previously because you were family now you aren't.
How long were you married and how old were the children while you were married.

Had you booked flights?

It's weird you thought you would still go to be honest. If soon to be exDH was close to your kids and wanted to maintain a relationship with them then maybe he would take them but not you.