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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday offer revoked

581 replies

Singineletricdreams · 14/06/2025 10:52

I am in the midst of a divorce from DH, which on the most part is fairly civil.

Although we don’t have any children together, I have 2 children from my previous marriage, and every summer we would go to the US and visit DH’s family. DH’s extended family would be there and it’s a lovely relaxing time, and there are lots of cousins etc for my kids to socialise with. They own several holiday homes in the US, and we would have our own house for 3-4 weeks.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

OP posts:
pictoosh · 14/06/2025 11:02

I think it's to be expected, yes.

He's moving on and his family will too.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 14/06/2025 11:02

Shotty brhaviour from your OH? No. Entitled behaviour from you? Absolutely.

Seriously you think it’s shitty that you ex husband isn’t taking you and your kids (no matter who pays) on a holiday abroad to see his family and stay in their house?

Did you not understand how divorce works?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 14/06/2025 11:02

Why would you continue to go on holiday with your ex husband after you get divorced? Particularly if you have no kids together.

There's no reason why your kids shouldn't keep in touch with their former step cousins via social media and maybe even catch up with them some time in the future as adults.

LunchtimeNaps · 14/06/2025 11:04

Maybe he's taking someone else?

Hankunamatata · 14/06/2025 11:06

Singineletricdreams · 14/06/2025 10:52

I am in the midst of a divorce from DH, which on the most part is fairly civil.

Although we don’t have any children together, I have 2 children from my previous marriage, and every summer we would go to the US and visit DH’s family. DH’s extended family would be there and it’s a lovely relaxing time, and there are lots of cousins etc for my kids to socialise with. They own several holiday homes in the US, and we would have our own house for 3-4 weeks.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

Its really not. He doesnt take the kids as you said - so assume he isn't maintaining contact.
A holiday just makes everything messier.

ThejoyofNC · 14/06/2025 11:08

You can't get divorced and expect to keep the benefits from your marriage. YABU.

Mrsttcno1 · 14/06/2025 11:08

I don’t know why you’re confused by this to be honest. They’re not his kids and you’re no longer his partner, why would any of you be getting a free holiday??

ToffeeForEveryone · 14/06/2025 11:10

This has got to be a reverse, surely??

If it's not, give your head a wobble OP. Entitlement verging into the ridiculous.

tinyspiny · 14/06/2025 11:10

YABU you and your children are soon to be wholly unrelated to these people so why would you expect to use their holiday home , completely unreal that you even thought this would still be possible

Eddielizzard · 14/06/2025 11:10

Doesn't read like a reverse - it's unusual to have such a strong YABU

Yes, you are the CF

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 11:11

Were you expecting to go with your ex husband?

Danioyellow · 14/06/2025 11:11

Are the flights already booked? Were you expecting to stay at one of the houses with your ex, or on your own with the kids?

LeCigareVolant · 14/06/2025 11:12

I can’t imagine spending holiday time with a couple in the middle of a divorce. It sounds like torture to me! It’s no surprise his family don’t want to do it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/06/2025 11:13

Worth remembering these aren't even the exH's properties; they belong to his family, so even if he'd willingly have taken his step kids away, staying there with them isn't his decision to make

Todayisaday · 14/06/2025 11:14

MinistryofThyme · 14/06/2025 10:54

Why on earth would you expect a free holiday from people who are not related to you or your children by blood or marriage? They have no obligation to keep providing this, although I’m sure it was lovely at the time.

You are divorcing, this means you now live completely separate lives of no concern to eacb other. Apart from any agreed split of assets, he owes yoh nothing, no time, no money, no thought if he doesnt want to think about you ever again.
To think you will still go on holiday together to his family is bonkers.

Flashahah · 14/06/2025 11:14

Of course they’re not being unreasonable.

harriethoyle · 14/06/2025 11:14

What don’t you understand about divorcing meaning that you’re no longer part of your DHs family?!

EggnogNoggin · 14/06/2025 11:15

I'd be more inclined to think it was a bit sad if you'd married when your kids were tiny babies and toddlers and are now teens.

But I'm quite taken aback that you'd assumed the offer stood and hadn't already checked.

RatOfTheHighway · 14/06/2025 11:16
Season 8 Wtf GIF by The Office

This is unhinged behaviour, you surely can’t be serious?!

HoppingPavlova · 14/06/2025 11:17

The words ‘brass neck’ come to mind. Seriously …..

cheezncrackers · 14/06/2025 11:17

This is obviously a bitter pill for you to swallow OP and it has caught you off guard, but what did you think would happen? Did you honestly think that you and your ex would divorce and everything would continue as before? That you'd continue to holiday with him and his family ever summer? Why would you assume that? I certainly wouldn't. If your DC were his as well then I'd expect that he would take them, if that's what he does in the summer, to spend time with him and his family, but your DC aren't related to him or his family, so why would assume that you and they will continue to be welcome after you and your ex have split? Blood is thicker than water for the vast majority of families. I'm surprised you hadn't considered that things would change.

XiCi · 14/06/2025 11:18

Can't actually believe you thought you could still help yourself to a free holiday from DH family when you're not together. Think it's possibly the most cheekyfuckerish thing I've seen on here

Doobiedoobiedo · 14/06/2025 11:18

God you are so entitled. Bet your next question will be something along the lines of ‘my ex’s family have 3-4 homes and more cash than I do. Now we are divorcing do I have any rights to his family’s money in the settlement’. He is drawing a line and rightly so. You have no children together. It should be a clean break with you and your finances going one way and him and his going the other.

MellowPinkDeer · 14/06/2025 11:18

Honestly @Singineletricdreamsits ridiculous you still think that these things would continue to happen.

SuperTrooper14 · 14/06/2025 11:19

You're not a blood relation and neither are your kids. They are your DH's stepchildren and while it would be lovely to think they might continue to have a relationship, it's a bit much to assume his extended family would maintain contact after your divorce, much less host you all for a month for free.