To think my parents are actually being quite unkind?

[Yunallp]

I don’t know if I’m being unfair, hence the post.

I have a 3 year old daughter and we make the effort to see my parents on a weekly basis usually for a most of a day. At weekends I like to spend time with DP and DD and we take her on trips or days out. DP works long hours and often misses bedtime so we like to make the most of the weekends.

My sister has three boys all under 5 and they live an hour away. For some reason unknown to me, she is not pressurised in the way I am.

Every week without fail I am asked if we can meet at weekends and it’s getting awkward, frustrating and exhausting having to constantly say no. We do sometimes meet them at a weekend but equally they are often away or have their own plans… if I asked them to be free when they had plans they wouldn’t change them that’s for sure!! I feel like a filler in sometimes. It’s lovely that they want to see dd and I always ensure they have regular time with her but I feel so suffocated by the guilt tripping that happens every weekend.

Example, they are going away next week to Spain and therefore they want to see dd this weekend despite us already having plans. They booked it last minute and saw dd on Tuesday all day.

I often ask what my sister is doing but they don’t seem to apply the same pressure to her. I am easily guilt tripped so maybe they think it’s easier with me. Am I being unfair or is this shitty behaviour?

When you get that text asking what you are doing you can

*Ignore it

• Reply with Too busy now; tell you on .....(day you are seeing them)

On that day when you see them dont bring it up. If they ask you can say eg Did some baking with (DCs). Then we had lunch and went to the park. It was fun!"

If they say along the lines of ...that therefore you weren't busy etc etc just say" Those times just me and the kids are important to me. Seeing you once a week is important too." They may well nag etc just say you wont change tour mind so no point discussing. You will have to carry on with gbis for quite a while I suspect

Well done for being more assertive.

I understand that you struggle to assert yourself and you feel a sense of guilt that your parents dont feel towards you, and your sister doesnt seem to get either.
It sounds like you are quite vigilant to little signs that they arent 100% happy with you, such as not putting kisses at the end of a message.

I think that if you make a point of keeping your resolve and not caving in, it will get easier and easier with practice.
You are the only one that can make the change.