Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Why are they saying you’re not reliable? It feels like there is a chunk of key information missing here.

What makes you think you’ve been labelled that way?

It’s not my experience as a working mum - maybe it’s time to change employer

Do you have an agreement with your manager to do the school pick up? Who said you aren't reliable?

To be fair, at my job we can't leave to do school pick up's. It might annoy others who have to organise after school childcare. Could you get a childminder?

Because I have to do school pick up apparently my project manger can not rely on me as I go to the school and have child commitment sometimes. But there nothing urgent as I organise myself/schedule. And she knows when I’m not at the desk so I don’t understand.

@AliBaliBee1234 its just me we financially rely on. I already pay childcare I can’t afford to do out of hour child care also

It doesn’t really matter what your reason is and if you think it is more or less valid than a colleagues if you aren’t pulling your weight then you aren’t pulling your weight.

If you are disappearing every day to do the school run, I don’t think many employers would believe thrilled. If everyone is having to arrange their diaries and meetings around your childcare commitments I can see why they don’t think you are particularly invested in the job.

You don’t HAVE to do school runs. You could use childcare like everyone else!

maybe worth listening to the concerns of your manager and find a way to make your job work alongside childcare like most people have to!

@Sirzy my child is 2 I already pay for child care I can’t afford for anymore.

Who looks after child after you picked them up?

Then you change your work around the childcare you have. Surely your not trying to care for a two year old and work?

What is the situation when you pick up the children and go back to your desk. What ages are your dc, who is providing the childcare at this time.

If you are working/ caring for children this is hugely frowned upon and is justifiably seen as unreliable

You have a right to submit a Flexible Work Request. It sounds like you might be able to justify a change of working hours, or flexi-time maybe.

Had very similar experience in my last role. I was the only woman on the team.

Difference being for me that 2 male colleagues blocked out 3-4pm everyday for their school runs. I never did this as DC walked home.

I sometimes made a point of booking my 1:1’s with my manager at 3pm as to prove I’m there and present. And working.

I didn’t get a promotion because there were “concerns” about my parental responsibilities and me not being able to take on more work 🤣

I don’t work there anymore due to a restructure but it highlighted something I never knew was a problem before!

Op I remember telling a manager the only two days I couldn’t work late were Tuesday and Thursday because wouldn’t make the creche to collect. Inevitably I’d be asked on one or both of these days ONLY!! I’d try to be in earlier, I’d stay late where I could on other days, I’d still have people being cold to me because of those one or two days. You’ll get judged no matter what you do, just do your best and say ‘what can I do?’ about anything else x

ps years later I met my manager when he had had two children and he said ‘I don’t know how people do this, it’s so difficult’ and spilled a million of the same problems I’ve had. People just don’t know until they’re in that position

what are your working hours? more info needed

If you work say 9-5 and pop out every day to pick your child up then that's not acceptable and you will be seen as unreliable. but then your manager should put a stop to it if they are not happy.

if your hours are 9-3, for example, and you leave at 3 to do pick up then these are your hours and you are not unreliable.

edit - sorry just read your OP (properly!) and see you pick your child up at lunch. what you do in your lunch break is your business - as long as you aren't late back or anything. who has your child after that? can they pick them up perhaps? though I'm confused f your child is 2 but at school

You said you were picking your child up from school but at 2 that is obviously not true. Are you keeping paid childcare hours to a minimum to save money and this is impacting on your availability at work?

It is formally agreed that you can take an hour break then instead of your lunch break?

if so then just ignore! Block out your calendar from 2:30-3:30 and be available the rest of the time.

or are your school commitments more random than that / not actually authorised?

Oh god here we go.

There is another thread going where OP is explaining childcare is now more expensive than her entire take home pay.

In my own children’s school, there is no available afterschool club! Well there is but they run a lottery scheme as so under staffed (Recruitment has failed ) and oversubscribed.

It is absolutely possible for this OP that there is no available childcare, or if there is, that OP, as a single parent, is not able to afford it.

OP - I hear you, it’s shit.

A 2 year old is very different to any school aged child

what are your working hours vs childcare hours?

Change employers.

that’s a poor and toxic culture you are in and not every workplace is like that.

my own certainly isn’t. Lots of working parents and carers and there’s no problem doing the school run.

we’d crackdown on your colleagues for treating you this way.

A pity party is not going to help you.
You need to think rationally about what the problem is from a work/company point of view and then make suggestions to remedy the issues. That may mean a role change or hours change.
If it’s not working for your employer, you either have to help to resolve things or change jobs.

Your posts indicate unreliability. You started saying you were picking a child up from
school. But they’re two, so they’re not at school.

And then if only you can do the pick up, who watches the child? Because someone who may or may not be with a toddler from 3pm onwards is unreliable.

If you literally take an hour at 3pm, then they’re wrong about you being unreliable - put it in your diary as your lunch hour, and be clear to everyone you take your break at 3-4, but you’re around work 100% attention on work for the rest of the day. It’s then hard to say how you would be unreliable in that scenario.

My 2 year old is is pre school full time which I pay for yes 15 hrs is free but I pay for the rest. It’s my income and my income only to pay for our rent essentials ect. I budget , if I could afford childcare till 6 I would but I can’t as it means we won’t have money for food shop.

I wfh and I block my diary during school pick up, I also dont have lunch to accomodate this.
Have you discussed it as a formal arrangement with your manager that your lunch break is moved to this time?
I have had about 5 jobs in the last 5 years and ai have made this arrangement with all of them.
What have they said about the arrangement. You can formally request flexi hours to acxomodate this too so it is written in stone. Which, if they are being difficult, then it might be a good idea to discuss making it formal rather than just not being there during this time.
However, if toubare looking after a 2 year old every day from 3 and also workimg then I ca see why they might question your commitment, as its pretty much impossible to work with a 2 year old that needs attention.

Well if that's the case then this employer would need to allow everyone to leave to do the school pick up otherwise it's unfair.