Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Your employer pays you to be available for the hours set out in your contract. It's irrelevant whether you're getting your work done or not.

Decent employers will allow some flexibility for personal circumstances but it's unfair on your colleagues to just disappear for a chunk of every day.

I take it your child's dad isnt around?

That’s the issue then, no one can work a job and look after a two year old at the same time.

Why are you doing school pick up if your child is aged 2 as you state? Very weird.

YABU because you are clearly looking after your child while working, and that isn’t okay. No colleague would be happy with that.

I’m not on performance review. it’s just the fact I have child responsibilities. I can’t be in different cities, some times child care responsibilities come up ect. I understand I am unreliable in the work force.

I am mainly just frustrated as I’m trying to be the best parent to my child. Ofc this is not my of works problem and they don’t have to and it’s potentially an annoyance to my colleagues that I have a child.

im mainly just frustrated and feel like I can’t win. I don’t work and I won’t be able to afford to live, I may be able to look after my child but I will be relying on the system. I work part time and I’m taking food from my child’s mouth and for them to have a better life and give us stability. I work full time and I’m basically a problem in the work force.

You need to look for a more flexible job or maybe agree to make up your hours after the child has gone to bed. You are not working your contracted hours at the moment. Whether you complete all tasks etc is unfortunately irrelevant. Look at benefits that may be available, it may be that you need to reduce hours and claim some UC etc.

So you are leaving work to drop off and b pick up, and also you are looking after your two year old while working..

Are you actually fulfilling your contacted hours? I understand you meet deadlines, but are you essentially uncontactable in the afternoons? I'm a huge advocate of flexible working to support parents and carers, but what you seem to describe doesn't sound much like flexibility, it sounds a lot like taking the piss

As a fellow PM and a people manager, your colleagues won’t be frustrated that you have a kid, they’ll likely be frustrated you’re not available for a good chunk every day when technically you should be. Last minute meetings etc might not happen often but you are expected to be available or log in later and make the time up at our firm

The other issue is looking after a two year old when you’re working; it’s impossible ime and you’re taking the piss if that’s what you’re doing and it’s not been formally agreed

You are unreliable, though

As many others have said, if you're not working your contracted hours then you need to find a way to make them up. Or ask them to change your contract, but you know that means your pay will reduce.

If you have your child at home with you while you’re working from home I can see their point. There are not many employers who accept that, I’m not allowed to do it, certainly wouldn’t have been able to with a toddler. The only exception is for emergencies e.g. when they’re off school sick. The rest of the time I am
expected to have childcare in place. I get it might seem unfair if your colleagues are lazy or unreliable but that’s an entirely separate issue.

Suspect your colleagues are pissed you are leaving everyday to pick up your child, do you return to work? What happens to the child?How long are you away from your job? Are you getting paid the time you are away? Information is missing

You said the issue was you doing the pick up and then minding your child in working hours not that you can't be in different cities.

You can't expect to be there full time yet not there for a considerable chunk.

Because you're single, you should get help so whether you need to drop to part time hours or get a job with better hours. There are options.

What hours are you contracted to work OP and what are you working?

If you are contracted to work but are unavailable outside school pick up times then I can understand her frustration.

It sounds like you need to work in a more flexible environment, not one that requires away days, and strict adherence to a lot of deadlines.

It's really tough OP. My child is 2 and is in nursery 4 full days and it is over £850 a month which includes the 15 funded hours. It's more than half my wages. And our nursery is cheap. If you are on your own I can only imagine how difficult it is.
Only thing I can say, is make sure you are claiming all the funding and support you can do.
Ask work for flexible or condensed hours where possible. Check for any support groups in your area.

It's really tough to find an employer that is supportive of your schedule.
I agree, it is your lunch break.
You are not doing anything wrong.
Is there any parents who can help you out? I child minded for parents when I worked in the evening an hour here and there.

I am contactable I have my phone on me at all times. And I still attended all meetings I never miss. My project manger will attend meetings in sainsburrys and the ceo has started as long as the work is done that’s what they care about. As I said my frustration is I do my job and I know others are not hence me mentioning my project manger not doing things herself. But it’s highlighted as I have a child.

My company would not like this arrangement either. They like to be output driven but I had a colleague who would rarely come to office, collected her 5 year old at 3:15pm every day and then didn’t have any childcare for her after school. She also had a 2 year old with a 6pm pick up. She blocked out her calandar post 3pm or if she did do meetings it was cameras off and lots of kids noise in the background and her trying to shush her, and then would send emails at midnight etc.

Lots of people in her team complained. I was more worried about her ability to sustain this level of pressure/ stress. All to save money on after-school childcare which to me is just a cost of not having a stay at home parent - not an optional thing. She wasn’t a single mum though, and she was on about £80k. She preferred to spend her money on other things she had fabulous holidays - think Seychelles etc.

TBH she hasn’t been officially reprimanded, just had “feedback” and doesn't get the high performance ratings or big bonuses as a result. Probably because when all is said and done she does deliver - just at odd times of the day/night.

But OP there is clearly a disconnect between your saying that you deliver all you need to and the PM saying you are unreliable?

And I am there after school I go straight back to work like I said before and continue working. I don’t believe what I’m saying is making no sense. Unless everyone in this chat is middle class things are expensive, child care is expensive ?

The unreliable part is that I can’t be always there for last minute away days or task during the time I leave for pick up. I’m frustrated as I feel as a mother I can’t win with working or not working something will always be cut short

My employer is very flexible and would have no issue with me doing the school run each day. I can block out time for medical appointments, extended lunch breaks etc. are no problem at all. However, they would absolutely not be okay we me blocking out every afternoon and looking after a two year old whilst ‘working’.

I'd look for another job, one that is more flexible that has a work from home hybrid option without the need to travel.

If you do find another job, keep your personal life and relationship status to yourself.

Best of luck.

OP in my experience, if you’re in a corporate environment they pick up on that because it’s easy. It’s an aggressive environment and everyone is picked up on whatever is there to pick up on - to justify lack of promotions, etc. try to find a job with a better culture and move on, it has nothing to do with you