Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

So genuinely there are some men and women bosses out there who pick on young mothers and assume basically that they are less productive. If this is the case, the easiest way round is to move jobs or change teams. As an employer I have been really happy to take on women who have moved because their currently employer would not allow them half an hour in the day for pick up or wanted an all staff meeting at 8.45/9.00.

Equally and particularly post lockdown I have had limited occasions where I see young mothers doing childcare and work at the same time- which you just cannot do, even if it is the 315-5.30 period. Sorry but you do need proper care in place for young children. Okay usually when they are 13/14 and WFH, otherwise not.

The reason why I say I’m not unreliable is because my work is always done on time with no problems. I’ve been allowed to collect my child and flexibility as I am a sole carer. I can’t afford to not work

Who is looking after your children after you pick them up?

OP is. She can’t afford more childcare outside of nursery fees. That’s the problem.

Yep - who is looking after the 2 year old once you have collected them?

it's not clear though if you are working less than your contracted hours.

If you are paid to work 9-5 but leave at 3 every day and don't return then it doesn't matter if you have completed all your work - you are not working your allotted hours.

As others have said who has your child when you've picked them up from school?

you say your work have been flexible - but something is causing them concern and you've not really said what that exactly is so no one can advise you properly

Have you checked what benefits you're entitled to? Not sure what kind of salary you're on but there is help for childcare in certain circumstances

Jesus. And we wonder why employers are trying to get staff back into offices.

There is no way on this planet that you can look after a 2 year old and work at the same time.

As a PP suggested, block off in your calendar the hour you are doing pickup.
I have done that for years, my manager and team know why it is and they also know I take it instead of a lunch break.

You and your manager need a clear agreement on what your working arrangements are.

You say your child is in childcare full time, but also that you do mid afternoon picks up. I suspect this mixed messages might be part of your issue.

Full time childcare for someone with a full time
job means that that child care covers more than 40 hours a week. It sounds like you’ve got a lot less than that.

If that’s the case, but you're describing it as full
time then you will come across as flakey. It would be clearer if you were more realistic in your description. Eg. Child goes to nursery for part of the working day, and you’ve got an agreement that you work flexibly for the rest.

Then your diary needs to accurately reflect your availability and work pattern.

Then you’re predictable and reliable. Maybe not as available as colleagues might like but everyone is clear.

I look after them one I return to work. My calendar is booked off and I don’t have anyone to watch them after that time. I’m trying my best to be the best mother I can I’m trying to provide and be a mother with limited resources/ income. There’s not much more I feel I can do to be the best parent

If that's the case then that will be the issue. People can't expect to work, pick up and look after children at the same time and expect their employers and colleagues to be ok with it.

My calendar is booked off

So your colleagues can't organise a meeting whilst you calendar is booked off- this will be 1 problem.

Do you also block out the afternoon whilst you are also minding your children?

Honestly unless your children are older, you really can't look after them whilst working. It's not fair on your employer and they can discipline against this, but also it's not fair or safe for your children. They need to be in wrap around care if you're working.

If you're blocking out your calendar for a chunk of the afternoon to do childcare, then this is why you're being found unreliable. As hard as being a single parent is, you can't expect your employer to allow this.

You should ask to reduce your hours if you can't find childcare. Check what benefits you may be entitled to.

As a manager I would struggle with a team member employed to work 9-5 but who was unavailable 2.45-5 each day- and if there’s a two year old around then you can’t be working (spoken with experience of lockdown with a three year old). I get being a single mum makes it v tough but I could have a whole team of wanting to do the same and we work in a role where customers expect the phone to be answered 9-5.

I think you need to look at a flexible working request and see what can be agreed.

@Positivegirl are you claiming anything towards childcare?
I used universal credit and I worked out with nursery it was actually cheaper to book the full 50 hour week than till 3/4 for example. UC covered the difference between the funded hours and what I had to pay.

I work 9-5. Others do 8-4 but core hours are covered.

Your post is a bit confusing and you haven't answered what your working hours should be.
If you are meant to be working til 5 but picking your child up at 3 for whatever reason, that is then 2 hours of work you are unable to do. Even if you get the job done, it sounds like you are unreliable as you cannot be contacted during this time or available meetings.

I think you need an honest chat with your line manager about what hours you are working and when and depending on the companies flexible working policy as long as you get the work done (perhaps when the child is in bed) it's not an issue, however if they say the core hours are til 5 then you will need to sort childcare.

If your contract says that you can stop work to do the school run and then block out the time after that, then you’re not being unreliable. If you’re doing it unofficially then it’s likely your colleagues may be a bit put out by it.

You can't expect your team to be happy with you being technically unavailable for several hours in the afternoons.

OP, public school exams are finishing soon. Why not hire a local teenager to mind your child for these hours in the afternoon while you finish work? It will be cheaper than nannies/more nursery hours. Ok it's a short term solution as they will be back in school and college in September but it buys you some grace time.

I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with your manager:

Here are my objectives.... here is what I have achieved... I am meeting all of my goals.

Here are my agreed work hours - I do these hours between X and Y... I take my one hour break between A and B. Are you OK with that? Is HR OK with that?

Does my break between 5pm and 6pm impact on the business? Is this something that we can work around together?

I am reliable and committed to my job and to the business. If there are issues, I hope that we can work through them together.

I wonder what has been agreed by your manage and what has been said by her? You seem to imply that she has agreed that you will take your break at the time that you do, but also that you are not available for work at that time - try to get that cleared up.

I know that the reason you have to have your break at that time is because of your child, but try to frame it around your work, when you have this discussion... Objective, targets, priorities, time spent working....

(I do know how difficult it is.. I worked in a team where I was responsible for the biggest projects, the biggest customers, the largest budget area, I delivered everything ahead of time and under budget, all of my 'customers', internally and externally were happy with my work and my team shifted me sideways because "no one" wanted a part timer on their team - 'no one' was one person! I took an internal move and they loved me.... they were grateful for my work - I did work in the evenings and at weekends, occasionally, when required, but mostly I worked my hours alternating short and long days, 10-4 and 8-6 and Fridays off - but I did have a partner also working full time who did short days on the days that I was in the office before 8 and after 6.).

We definitely wouldn’t be allowed to do school runs during work time unless it was an emergency and we are home based. Unless we made an arrangement to take our lunchbreak then and still do full hours.

It's not clear what's happened, are you being put on a performance improvement plan or anything?

Does your contract allow you to parent while working?

Are you caring for a nursery age child during working hours? If so, that'll be why employer isn't happy

Have these complaints been registered in performance review or is your manager just saying things? If the latter then try to ignore it.