Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

Agree with this...it's very different collecting a 11 or 12 year old from school and a 2 year old. You literally need eyes in back of head to look after a 2 year old. There's no way that she is able to work properly and look after a 2 year old.

OP I'm shocked at the lack of support you are getting here. I just wanted to say I see you and totally get what you are saying and I think you are doing an amazing job. You seem like an excellent conscientious employee and a wonderful caring mother. It sounds like you have very little time for you. Running here there & everywhere to please others and keep your boss(es) happy. Society needs to stop punishing working mothers who are trying so hard to provide, especially those who don't have a partner. Well done you for getting promoted at work under these circumstances.I hope your line manager either leaves or realizes what a great job you are doing and that you figure out a better way for you and your LO. Under-appreciated for sure. Please try to ignore the harsh comments on here and don't feel the need to explain yourself. xx

Posters were trying to work out why she was being labelled as unreliable, and making (quite reasonable) suggestions as to why. OP's responses also made it quite difficult to work out what was going on (2 year old, school, amount of child care, 1/2 terms).

It turns out it's just her LM who has a problem and that OP's unusual working pattern has been approved by the CEO.

As someone who has lined managed a span of around 50, I've always encouraged balance and flex. I believe and have seen evidence that in the rule of "give and take" the employer invariably wins if they allow some gives. Unless the role is factory floor, travelling or timetabled to some extent, I'd always allow a school run so long as the hours more or less add up, and I'd leave it to the employee to work it out too. In these enlightened days of diversity, I'm shocked by some of the opinions in this thread. I've also done and overseen a lot of project management. I'd suggest that a project manager who can't cope with a planned absence within a day isn't managing their portfolio very well. This sounds cultural - move to another company.

This sounds cultural - move to another company.

I very much doubt that OP would find a company that allows her the flexibility she currently has.

I think she said she does stand up for herself, but the LM keeps raising it.

But it's not just the school run.
And it's not just the daily school run with sole care of a two year old while she's "working" for the two hours afterwards.
It's this PLUS term time only childcare, with nothing in place for any of the school holidays, when she'll have sold care of a toddler while working full time.
OP has only made vague comments when the holidays are brought up, saying she may send her toddler to a holiday club for some of the time, which seems incredibly unlikely, seeing as the child is only 2.

@CantHoldMeDown is everything ok on your end ?

You are somewhat instantly responding to anyone who does not agree with your stance.

As long as deadlines are met and clients are happy, there is nothing wrong with picking up work that can be completed later in the day when I can. That is still making up my hours and yes my line manger knows about this.

As I said before she’s been spoken to with the way she’s communicates with me. She was a lot better for a bit, but some times she slips back in to old ways. Why…I couldn’t tell you

Also if you’re gonna say why I wrote the post in the first place. It was because I was frustrated. I’ve had chats with my project manager and I now know nothing is going on my project manager was just not too organised. and for my line manger as I said before they are just like that.

But overall @CantHoldMeDown please calm down, I’m doing what I can to provide the best life for my child and I’m sure you do the same in your own way ☺️

Thank you! Finally someone that's not woken up and chosen violence!

Would you also be happy with your employee, trying to do two jobs at the same time?
Because a 2yo isn't just a pick up and leave them to their own devices the way a 5 or 6 yo is. A 2yo need looking after, toileted, drinks, snacks, then they just want attention because they are 2.

Have you forgotten what 2yos are like?

There are a fair few posters on here who were forced into working and childcare at the same time during covid. Nobody absolutely nobody would ever say it's in any way possible with pre-school children.

You fail your kids, you fail your job, you get burnt out, because little kids need and demand attention Cbeeies and they get bored of it after 5 mins and want you to put something else on, rinse and repeat. Then they want a drink, then a snack, then its nappy / toilet, then a tantrum because what they really want is human interaction from YOU.

No, I agree, the hours would have to add up and be full / fullish concentration or become part time.

That's exactly the point. Its not just school pick up it's the half hearted working after it.

Op muddied the water by saying school pickup, what she really means is nursery pickup.

Nobody can concentrate on work while caring for a 2 yo. And she's years away from having a semi-independant child who could entertain themselves.

I’m pretty sure I’ve already said if I can’t do the work after pick up. I will just return later in the day. All the big stuff is already complete before the end of the day so it’s small bits that does not disrupt anyone’s work flow.

your being a bit of a broken record, I know what needs to be done and I’ve had some great advice on this post.

@Needspaceforlego @NeedToChangeName not sure if your the same person. But the way you keep commenting repeatedly it’s somewhat concerning. I get the feeling your response is rooted more in something personal to you rather than the actual thread I posted.

Sorry meant @Needspaceforlego and @CantHoldMeDown not @NeedToChangeName

My DH occasionally has to collect our DD at 3 And continues to work. On these days he basically does all the big focused tasks in the morning. He will do some basic tasks in afternoon alongside DD who may be playing, drawing, painting. He has even taken part in company meetings with DD in his lap. If there are anymore important task he does them after DD has gone to sleep.

It sounds like OP has a similar set up and has created a balance that works for them and their employer. Not everyone's has to fit their work into 9-5 hours. OP is lucky her employer offers this flexibility and is very entitled to use it.

Occasionally - OP does it every day plus all day for the entire school holidays

What about school holidays when the child is home all day with you. You can’t seriously say you can look after the child whilst simultaneously pulling your weight at work?

But the OP is looking after her DC tge entire day in school holidays………whilst claiming to her employer she is working full time - you can’t do both

He did do it for a period of around 2 months when we were switching nurseries. What suffered wasn't the work it was our time together. He got all his work done but what he was able to contribute to less was house stuff and then I felt like I did everything.

It wasn't ideal but the argument that a lot of people are quite aggressively making on here is that she is taking advantage of the employer and not doing her work. I am pointing out that it definitely is possible to arrange your working day to do your work. It will be exhausting for OP but she has made that choice and her employer has agreed to it and is choosing to accommodate it.

Literally no one here is in the position to comment on whether OP is performing adequately so I don't understand why so many people have been so scathing and judgemental.

Again difference between occasionally and every day. The throw in the holidays.

Ops boss isn't happy and that's probably the person that matters.

Clearly they don't matter that much as the CEO and HR have supported OP.

The company promotes flexible work, and has approved OP's work situation. If the manager can't accommodate that kind of work then they need to raise with their manager. But I can't see the entire company ethos changing to suit one person.