Being labelled unreliable as a working mum

[Positivegirl]

I am absolutely working as hard as I can. Because I have to pick my child up from school I am now labelled as unreliable. I work extremely hard and I see colleagues at work completely slack, turn up late and not meet deadlines. I have been labelled as unreliable because I am a working mum. I don’t have another choice but to work, I let work know it’s half term but I still go hard I work 200% while my child is in half term and never miss a meeting or deadline. I do school drop off/pick up and run back to work. I travel for away days at work I run back to get my child and run back to the desk.

it’s never enough I’m doin the best I can and it’s heartbreaking to have people who don’t have children to tell me I’m not doing enough and that I am not reliable when I know I’m performing more than others. My project manger is always late, canceling meeting last minute and not meeting deadlines for us as a team to continue working. But I am unreliable as I leave to go pick my child up (in the hour that would be my lunch break as I don’t bother having lunch)

I feel like giving up I work for me and my child to give us a good life but I’m not doing enough there. Then in motherhood I’m working to hard.

im drained to the bone with judgment from both sides from people I know could not juggle what I do as a working single mum. Im fed up

They have both our numbers. It’s mine that they call first.

That’s not every day though. OP is looking after her two year old in working hours every day after collection

and I can add as a parent that put DC into all available childcare and holiday clubs (even the ones DC absolutely hated and saving towards this!) I wouldn't be happy for a colleague to be unavailable to bounce off ideas, meetings or just checking up on work progress every single day.

This isn't luck of support, more a reality check that you can't be the bride at two weddings simultaneously.

What OP is doing would not be considered ‘reasonable adjustments’ at most firms.

But how did you think it was going to work before you had 3 kids? Honestly some businesses are on their knees - it's not just individuals/families who are having it hard - and they can't be expected to cater for every employee's specific circumstances. I've been on both sides so I do get it but once again it's people like OP who give everyone wfh/juggling childcare a bad name.

Many companies do allow it now but it doesn’t look professional. I guess you have to suck up the fact its frowned upon if you can’t afford to pay. Should you eligible for some free childcare if things are so tight financially?

Change the names round. Put your number under your husband's name and vice versa. Bet he gets the calls then. The school tended to do this with my DD. They no longer have her number , so his Dad's first and mine second.

Yes, but many of us are mothers and fathers, many of us are single, but the bottom line is that if you work you MUST have childcare. If you have agreed with your employer that you will be in sole care of your child 2-5pm then you cannot work during this time. It would not be allowed in my company. If they are fully aware that you have your child during this time then that's another question and it all sounds very sloppy and unproductive.

Sounds like your employer is discriminatory towards employees with caring responsibilities. I would look at perhaps changing job if you feel unsupported. Easier said than done. I feel for you though!

Since when have they not? When you only have yourself to rely on you need to pull your weight more.

Calas & Smircich (2014) conducted a qualitative study titled “Understanding work–life balance, resilience and emotional endurance of single working mothers in the workplace.” It highlights that single mothers, juggling all responsibilities alone, cultivate significant resilience, emotional endurance, and flexibility—traits that boost their effectiveness under pressure

Research referenced by corpEQ indicates single mothers’ internal drive—like personal achievement and self-worth—enhances their problem-solving and adaptability at work. Their external motivators, like financial obligations, also spur creative, productivity-enhancing solutions

This is absolutely bonkers. If we found out at work that any of the WFH staff were looking after children (and toddlers at that!) whilst they were working, they would be sacked.

What about if you worked in the office? What would you do then? Or in a supermarket? Or any other place of work?

You're taking advantage of the fact you are at home and are trying to be both an employee and a parent for 2-3 hours every afternoon and it really isn't on. You're saying you are available to answer the phone? What about if your toddler falls over? Or goes to put something in their mouth that they shouldn't? Or starts crying? Do you hang up the phone? Or continue on a work call with a toddler in the background?

Also, saying your CEO is "ok" with it and understands. Well clearly not if they are calling you unreliable....

There are laws allowing those with caring responsibilities to take emergency leave and parental leave (unpaid).
Do you really think employers should be allowing parents to work as and when they wish or can so they can look after their children?

Have them update their records to call your DH and not you? I was never called as they had DH’s number to call.

A number of posters really don’t understand the benefits of flexible working. My team is predominantly part time colleagues and I think part time makes them feel like they have to prove themselves and often they get equal amount of work, or not far off full time staff. I know exactly what you mean because I’ve been there. People often, not all, look down on part time colleagues as less good than the full time ones yet they don’t understand the stress or guilt of making a coffee on your allowed break.

I’ve been full time for years now my dc are older but even leaving on time was frowned upon. Why would I pay for childcare because others are competitive over working and staying late for zero actual reason? I’ve seen it in different work places too.

It's not 'discrimination' to expect her to be working, and not looking after a toddler, when she's being paid to work!

If I was paying out for childcare in my working hours and a colleague was looking after her toddler while being paid to work I'd be pretty pissed off with the colleague and the company.

Single parents like OP who expect to get paid full time wages while looking after a small child for part of every working day, (and all day for 12 weeks of school holidays every year)give the rest of us a bad name.

You need to change your contact priority order with the school if you want their dad to be first contact. That is what I did in my old job - husband worked closed so he was number 1 contact. Only once did I get called and I pointed out I was not the first contact and that my husband should have been called first.

I think it's only the OP and her employee that don't understand flexible working.

Oh wait, what? You’re actually not flexi working and catching up after dc is in bed but working with a 2yo around?! No, you cannot effectively do that. Remember, childcare costs are temporary and go down when they’re 3 and again once at primary.

You need childcare or after school club

I 100% understand flexible working. I have full time staff, part time staff, staff who do school pick up, staff who make up their full-time hours after close of day...everyone is equal and I have no problem with employees setting their hours like this and being paid accordingly. We all know who is at their desks when and schedule work/teams meetings accordingly. It works well. But that's not what the OP is doing - she is working at home in sole charge of a toddler and is being paid to work during those hours.

It sounds like you mean you can't be flexible due to child care commitments, not unreliable which is something else entirely.

Reading more posts from op I realise she’s taking the piss and would be sacked in my place, and we’re very flexible!

Most people in the workforce are parents. How do you think it'd go if we all looked after our child when we're meant to be working? How'd you like to see your GP with her toddler playing in the room, or get a plumber who brings his toddler to work?

Kindly, your situation isn't unusual. I'm a working single parent, there are millions of us. Pay for more childcare, drop your hours, find another job are your only options. You cant expect to get paid to look after your small child

@Namechangetry I pay for child care? I just can’t afford more. I don’t give any of you a bad name as I work flipping hard. The CEO knows I have a child which is why he have me the job because of my drive. It’s my line manger saying the unreliable when I don’t directly work with them.

I hate to break it to you, but if it is every day - then it is unreliable - or in this case reliably unreliable.

If they need you in the office then they need you in the office. Theres not really anything that they can do.

Id honestly ne looking for a more flexible job, rather thatn this one which seems to be quite ridgid.

Thre must be free aftershool provision somehwere, clubs or something.

Who looks after your kid after you have picked them up. or are you catagorically finishing early (unaccepable if others dont have that option)

Can a preschool friend not have the kid after work, if you pick hers up and drop them both off?

You're not listening. You don't pay for enough childcare if you're trying to work while your toddler is at home. You can't give your attention to your job and to a 2 year old at the same time, either you're going to mess up something important at work or your child is going to come to grief because you took your eyes off them to do a work task.

You cannot expect to get paid full time wages for working part time, and that's what you're doing.