Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

This is completely unacceptable behaviour @Andoutcomethewolves from your H. It is assault.

I know things are never ever black and white but this is frightening and it is painful and you are now in horrendous pain because of him. What worries me is , what could he do again and could it be worse? Sorry for being so open but that’s my fear?

I want to include some resources below because I think it’s worth a look: please consider the first especially, they are very gentle and will give clear advice for you.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline

Languages: English (call & chat); other languages available via interpretation services (call)

Phone hours: 24/7

Chat hours: Mon-Fri, 10AM - 10PM

Call 0808 2000 247

and also consider this link below please from a physical safety perspective. You don’t have to physically fight for your share of a mattress - go sleep somewhere else and get away from this unacceptable violence.

https://refuge.org.uk

You deserve your space, your sleep, and your safety. Anything less is unacceptable.

I'm sorry OP. Do you need to get to the hospital? It might be an idea to get a cab and get checked out as he may have caused more damage. At the very least please contact your GP surgery first thing today and get seen by the Dr.

Tell the Dr what is going on and have your injuries documented. Your Dr should know of your local domestic abuse organisation and can make a referral.

You need to leave as soon as possible. I would either pack your things and stay with family while you work out what to do or contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline which is 24/7 and see if you can get into a Refuge.

You need to be assessed for safety and to make a safety plan. Your local Domestic abuse organisation can do that or you can speak to Refuge until 10pm via webchat or the helpline above.

You can look into a non molestation order but for now think safety and evidence. Document everything, take photos, see your Dr, tell a DV organisation or contact the police.

Also @Andoutcomethewolves to answer the question -

nothing that you ever do to him can EVER justify someone punching you hard, repeatedly, in a fractured area to try and inflict more damage.

you shouted at him. Verbally. To move in the bed. That is not assault, it’s imploring someone to do something.

He reacted by physically assaulting you multiple times with intent to hurt you.

That is assault and battery and is a criminal offence - doesn’t matter if he is your H - no person is ever justified to take that response to another.

You did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve to be shouted out let alone to be physically assaulted.
The only thing that I can think of to add in addition to the excellent advice and resources already posted is that you might find the Freedom Programme helpful.
https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

I hope that you can find a way to safely leave him. Good luck 💐

You need to call the police. He assaulted you. Please get yourself checked and ask him to leave. Is there someone you can call?

Call women’s aid please

So sorry OP you experienced this. Is this the first time he's hit you?

OP you can't work before you get medical attention. Your health is at risk. If you're not sure go on the 111 website and go through the questions. They will say go to A and E.

Don't lie about what happened while you're there either - they need to know exactly how the injury happened so they can treat you properly.
And once you're there you can think about calling the police and getting out of this relationship.
Take enough with you in case you don't go back for a while.

I would call the police.

Thank you everyone. I have (diagnosed) CPTSD from my last relationship which was regularly physically and emotionally abusive so I'm never sure if I'm overreacting because of that.

He hasn't hit me before but none of my friends or family like him because of the way he talks to me. My siblings have all blocked him as whenever we had an argument he called all of them (and my parents) complaining about me and saying it was all in my mind.

I think this is the catalyst to get out of this situation.

And I'm so sorry this has happened to you. This is in no way your fault. There is no justification at all for him to hurt you. How did you fracture your coccyx? I know that's painful, I have done it myself falling over backwards.

Of course you didn’t do anything wrong, this man is a monster.

He is clearly insecure and jealous of you being the breadwinner.

Call Women’s Aid, they should be able to help. I’m so sorry you are going through this

I can't call women's aid as two of my close friends work there and I don't want to be put through to them! Same with the Samaritans x

Just specifically say that you don't want to be assisted by x y and z because you know them. Call now OP.
how did you break your coccyx?

If you earn the money then leave and book yourself into a hotel if you've nowhere else to go.

Honestly? He pissed himself on the living room floor after many many pints then went to sleep on the sofa (I was already in bed). Went in to get my charger around midnight and slipped on his puddle of piss and my face landed on the windowsill and I bounced backwards, so two black eyes and the coccyx.

The more I'm saying the more ridiculous this situation clearly is!

You might need to take the day off work to get checked out at hospital and report him to the police. Hopefully they will put bail conditions in place so he will have to stay away. If you feel he's going to become more dangerous then consider the option of a refuge or staying with family so you have support around you. Hope your safe x

Slipping in my alcoholic husband's puddle of piss after he wet himself

God, I need to get out of this situation don't I

What stopped you from phoning the Police?
Are you going to make plans to end the relationship?

I am sorry this happened to you OP. You have been violently assaulted. You are not safe with this man. Do you feel able to call the Police at this time?

You need our of this relationship now. Will your family support and help you?

You say you're the breadwinner. Is it your house? Or his? Are you married or have any joint finances like a mortgage.

Are there any children involved?

I think I will. I paid for him to go to a cheap hotel a few weeks ago as I just needed some space but maybe a hotel break would be good for me at this point

Are children involved?
Im sorry this is happening to you

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Are you able to call a family member and go to there house?

Failing that do you think you could pack a bag of necessities and go to a hotel?

What’s your living situation? Do you both own the house? Do you rent?

You need to get to a place of safety, then communicate to him that you wish to end the relationship. Report him to the police for assault. Get friends and family to help you move out or kick him out.

If you’re the breadwinner then hopefully you’re in a good financial position to live alone?

No kids.

My family are very supportive but have no free space to put me up if I leave.

It's his flat (I do have my own house but my brother and his family have lived there for nearly a decade so I'm not chucking them out)