Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

Oh there’s loads of contradictions when you read the hundreds of posts on other threads the Op has posted. Little point in investing time in to this thread

Ah. I should've guessed. Shame, because PP are offering excellent advice on how to get help but if OP doesn't want to help herself there really is little point posting.

His female best friend has just messaged saying she'd 'rip me limb from limb if she saw me'

I have to get out I just don't know HOW. I don't have a job right now and although I have savings H's dad has said he'll pay for a lawyer to take me 'for everything I'm worth'

I feel so trapped

Why would she message that?

The only person trapping you is you. You put your belongings in a bag and you go to the nearest Women's Aid centre and you ask for help. In the meantime you move your savings to a new account where he can't find them. You use your savings to start again.

You need to get out now. He's already physically assaulted you. It won't get any better. It sounds like his family and friends are also horribly abusive towards you.
Ring a women's refuge, pack a bag and leave. However hard that seems at the moment, it will be worth it. They can advise you on what to do.

And that lawyer will tell him it's not going to happen.

I suggest you report female best friend to the police for that threat.

@Andoutcomethewolves this all sounds ludicrous, i hope for your sake your just posting nonsense but if not get out now, just walk and keep walking

Honestly I know what Mumsnet is and I've been on here for over a decade over various names. But I'm in a an actual crisis with hard suicidal ideation so a bit a of kindness would be good

You are a lawyer yourself and have previously stated that your house is safe from him.

Your parents are “very supportive”?

the same dad with a drug problem?
the mother who is “incredibly passive” and a couple of weeks ago you started another thread asking if you should go NC with?

oh and Then encouraged me to move to Holland, on my own, to live in a squat with drug addicts when I was 16

Please call Samaritans. Mumsnet can do nothing for you.

Clearly your family don't automatically side with him if some of them have blocked him. Why not ask those people for support?

Yes my house is ringfenced but his dad doesn't like me and will pay for solicitors to go after it. I'm a lawyer but that doesn't mean I know ALLLL the law!

The chances of. being put through to them are really small. But even if you were, does it matter? They are presumably friends who will empathise and be helpful, given that they choose to work for Women's Aid?

Your dad being the one who’s a drug dealer who liaises with gangsters?

oh no that’s your dad

OP has clarified that her siblings have blocked him, her parents still talk to him and take his side as they did with a previous abusive partnner.

If you doubt a poster's veracity, just report the post/thread. Don't derail the thread if there is a chance that a genuine poster in an abusive situation needs advice and support.

This is a police matter, ABH
He tried to cause you further harm by punching you where he knows you are injured
Pack or throw his stuff out
Leave or throw him out
Go to the police

Let them 🤷‍♀️. It's better than being a doormat/punchbag or dead.

I think the issue is you've been here so many times before. Like in December, when your DH left you. So, from the perspective of posters, you have asked for help repeatedly and people have rushed to give it with the best intentions but nothing changes. So there comes a point when it becomes exasperating to give the same advice over and over again.

Bottom line is, MN cannot save you or change your circumstances and no amount of threads can alter that fact. You need to get yourself some actual help IRL but you don't seem to want to take even the smallest steps towards it. You need to ask yourself why.

Can everyone stop being such utter fucking cunts. You're not the fucking DV victim police.

It's not a personal insult to you that she thus far hasn't been able to act on advice.

This woman needs encouragement and kindness.

Some women take years to leave. You understand she has been crushed by her family since she was a child - you should pity her, not despise her.

Here we go - the thread police has arrived.

If you are a lawyer, you must be aware that the mere fact that someone says they will pay for solicitors doesn't mean they will get what they want. A clued-up solicitor is going to tell him that after what appears to be a relatively short marriage with no children he's not getting megabucks out of this. Yes, he may get something but surely that is better than living in this unsafe abusive situation?

Yes. I'm going through a bit of a mental health crisis right now and am talking to people online to avoid worrying people in my real life. If you could not be an arse I'd appreciate it 😊

No - someone with some fucking empathy who understands the connection between DV and childhood abuse.

Do you feel better now you've said 'you've made your bed'?

Has it given you a little boost? Spring in your step now?

Jesus. You should have a long look in the mirror.