Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

There comes a point where you have to stop posting on MN and do something to help yourself. You've been violently assaulted by this man and you need to get away from him. Get to a hotel and give yourself some breathing space. He needs reporting to the police. Speak to your family and get support from your friends at Women's Aid - they won't judge you and they will help you. Don't keep this a secret because you're feeling embarrassed or ashamed - abusers rely on this to keep you in their power. You need to tell people and get help.

Please leave now, today.

I havd a lot of sympsthy. But as posters have pointed out, you’ve posted about this sort of thing before. You admit you have posted before, that your previous relationship was violent, that you are a “people pleaser@. You say you are “too weak to leave”. I don’t know whatvto say except to contact thd people who can help, who can offer a refuge, and try to break thd cycle. Posting on MN is not going to help you - good luck.

Forget work, go to the hospital to get it checked out and tell them what has happened. Let their safeguarding team support you in contacting the police. Don't underestimate the risks with DV, he could murder you next time.

If this wasn’t your husband you would have immediately ring the police for assault, this tells you all that you need to know

Oh my god. This is horrific. You poor poor thing . He'll kill you in the end. Please leave. Your family will understand.

Sorry for boring everyone with repeated posts about this. All of our friends are mutual and my family automatically side with him (as they did with my ex even when he was smashing my face into a door etc) so it's hard to be brave enough to say it in real life. I'm mostly just venting.

If I didn't have mn to vent I would have nowhere

You are asking if YOU did anything wrong?

Go and stay in YOUR house with your brother and family until some permanent solution can be achieved. Do not stay where you are.

Would you want friends who thought beating a woman was ok?

Ring women's aid. Ask for help. Leave. Be less broken and get therapy to fix you.

I thought your family blocked him?

Whatever, you have a house, you have a good wage. All you need is a reframe to help you see you have power in this situation.

Are you having counselling at all? If not, get some.
Get yourself out. You can do it. And fuck anyone who thinks it’s better to stay and be abused.

The story keeps changing 🙄

In that case, phone Women's Aid. Presumably you won't mind if your friends working there recognise you.

If you are the breadwinner, rent a house yourself, report the assault and then use it in the divorce proceedings.

He hit you. Make that the line he crossed.. When my exh shut my arm in a door deliberately I knew we were over. I threw him out.
Make plans to leave.
Before it's too late...

I’m so sorry. I can recognise you from my past. I suffered dv and tried to normalise it at the time.
I never reported it at the time and didn’t tell anyone. I deeply regret that now as these men need to be held to account to stop it happening again.
You need to protect yourself immediately. Go to the police and get yourself checked out at an and e. Get it documented, you may not feel like it’s what you want now but it’s best to do it for the future.
Tell yourself this isn’t normal and you don’t deserve this treatment. Lots of good advice from women here.
Please take care and get support x

@Andoutcomethewolves if you don’t value yourself then no one else will.
Stop people pleasing.

Be a warrior, not a worrier.

The call receivers are on a national loop so you don't know who or where in the UK the call is being picked up, also the receivers don't give out any of their personal information and only ask for your name.
Don't use this as an excuse - call them

Call 101 and report it to the police. Even if you don’t take it further, it means the evidence will be there if you need it in future.

If you don’t feel comfortable contacting Women’s Aid then are there any other local domestic abuse resources you can call?

GP/A&E might also be able to signpost you to appropriate support.

I commented on your thread about your awful mum. You need to get rid of your husband and go no contact with your mum.

Please report your husband to the police. He has assaulted you.

You need to leave. Now. You are not safe. Nothing you did justifies his response. I'm so sorry to hear your ex treated you badly too. You are worth so much more than this. Start planning a new life for you.
You mentioned that your family are supportive but also that they sided with your ex?
Also, I know it’s not the focus of this post but I’m not sure why your brother and his family are living in a house you own meaning you feel you have nowhere to go.
There is nothing to salvage here in this relationship. Please please leave.

I used to be a Samaritan and agree with @peachescariad . Your call will most likely to put through to the national database, so there is no guarantee you will be speaking to local Women's Aid.

But I would urge you, most emphatically, to extricate yourself from this most dangerous of situations. Don't wait until he kills you.

I'm so sorry, this is very frightening to read.
Sending strength and energy; you are in my thoughts, OP.

I keep seeing this freedom programme advertised op there is free help out there, this is a course you have to buy.

If you're not bothered about being recognised IRL and not embarrassed, why worry about calling Women's Aid and being put through to someone you know? You are surely at the stage where getting yourself out of this toxic, violent relationship is more important than that?

It's not changing. My siblings have blocked (with the exception of one). My parents have not and speak to him regularly about me.

Again, you are contradicting yourself – you said up the thread that your family have blocked him because they don't like him. If that's the case, why are you now saying they side with him?