Just need some assurance I didn't do anything wrong - Content Warning concerns DV.(added by MNHQ)

[Andoutcomethewolves]

About an hour ago I went to the bathroom and when I came back my H was spreadegeled over the entire bed so there was no room for me. I shoved him a few times (not hard, just jiggling his shoulder and prodding his arm to try and wake him up) and ended up shouting at him to move to one side or the other so I could actually get into bed. For context he does this to me regularly - it's a small double and easy to take up too much space but whenever he says it to me I just move. Or I usually go and sleep on the sofa but I currently have a fractured coccyx which is really sore and have important work stuff to do tomorrow so a proper night's sleep in a comfortable bed was really important.

He eventually woke up, screamed in my face that I was a bitch and punched me, hard, on my fractured coccyx multiple times. I'm now in so much pain I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Apparently I deserved it because I shoved him and asked him to move to the other side of the bed. Meanwhile he's now happily snoring away.

I'm honestly so upset. And he's going to expect me to do the work stuff tomorrow (well, today) as I'm the breadwinner.

I want to escape this relationship right now but I don't know how.

Your friends that work for woman aid will be proud of you if you make the phone call .

Are you scared of him?

Can you go and get it checked out now, whist he is still sleeping and then deal with everything else later.

Dear @Andoutcomethewolves
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you don’t have kids at home, then I would pack a small bag with any important docs and order a taxi and go to A&E.
Tell them exactly what happened too.
I would also tell your family especially your siblings.
I can see from your posts you’re the main breadwinner but not sure if you own or rent the house or whether it’s your partner’s?

I wish you luck OP and please get your injury checked out xx

If you were my daughter or sister and being abused, we would all budge up and someone could sleep in the cupboard until you were back on your feet.

He's a drunk who pisses on the floor
He's a wife beater
He's a lazy b who doesn't work

Please don't stay at an hotel tonight, accept an apology tomorrow, agree to stay with his leaf turned over because he cries a bit and apologises. Of course it will break him if you go - his money tree will disappear. He'll be nice until next time he beats you.

Pack your bag, and if it's so serious you need to go to hospital then do so (and give your head a wobble if there's any cell in your mind that says stay if he's lamped you so badly, you might need hospital care). If you can cope with the injury, dose yourself up, get to work and through the day. Hotel tonight, swallow your pride and talk to your family and the refuge. Someone will give you a bed for a few nights so you can sort out some temporary accommodation. You deserve so much more @Andoutcomethewolves

I can't believe what I'm reading.

OP, go to a police station and tell them what happened (the sooner the better).

Go to a doctor and get them to look at your injuries, even if you think you are fine. You can use this as evidence.

Go stay with your brother until you find a place of your own (if you can't move back into your own house)

Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline if you can't call Women's Aid. They will help you take the next steps.

Do the Freedom Programme. It will help stop you getting into another cycle of abuse if you wish to have another relationship after this one.

I am speaking as someone who has left an abusive relationship (which was never physical). No one should tolerate this kind of behaviour.

I would be out of there. I'm so sorry OP, his behaviour is off the scale not ok. Good luck Xx

OP please please put aside any shame or embarrassment, your friends will be proud of you for calling women’s aid, all you need to do is ask not to be put through to them by name. This is not an acceptable situation, he has criminally assaulted you and you need to get out and seek help, he is an abusive alcoholic and you are not safe. There is no grey area here. Sending love xx

You need to put yourself first for once.
You know this relationship is absolutely terrible and I’m at a loss to know why you’re staying in it.
Read the practical advice you’ll get here.
Get out fast and start a life that’s worth living.

Pack up and leave . Stay with family. Heal and rebuild your self worth .
You are being abused. Get far away from him.
You don't need him. And you will be happier.

Reading your opening post again @Andoutcomethewolves, I note that you ask for assurance that you have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing wrong. At all.

I also note it's your H and not a boyfriend. Therefore, do report it to the police and get your injuries assessed. Get some advice about your rights when, not if, you divorce.

I think you know you deserve better. Of course he shouldn’t have reacted in that way. You have 2 black eyes, a broken coccyx, and probably he’s now set you back a few weeks in your recovery. This isn’t the actions of someone who loves and respects you.

Your family & friends see it. I think now you do too.

Don’t be ashamed / afraid to call woman’s aid. Your friends would be devastated if they felt your safety was compromised because of your pride. If the call handler provides their name, you could ask for a colleague instead.

Please get out. It's not your fault at all.

He did WHAT??? That is unbelievable. Look after yourself in this situation. You must surely know this is completely unacceptable and for me, that would be the end of this relationship. My advice would be, get out and keep any evidence eg of bruising that develops, and take him to the cleaners.

He punched you…. End of story.

anything that came before, and anything after this fact is immaterial….

He needs to leave, you need to not let this abusive man anywhere near you, as he WILL do it again.

I’m so sorry that this has happened to you.

Please go to hospital and get checked, he could have shifted the broken piece of bone. Just tell them what happened, don't lie for him.

The OP has stated in this thread that she paid for a cheap hotel for him a few weeks ago because she needed a break from him.

I’d say you definitely need to get checked out at A&E or at the very least, your GP @Andoutcomethewolves It sounds as if your marriage isn’t a happy one even before this appalling behaviour.

Erm? I don't drive because I failed my test three times and have always lived by a decent bus route. I am absolutely not pregnant and we're central city. I'm not sure why you'd make assumptions?

have you posted about this before, a long time ago? The sibling living in your house sounds familiar

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You need to make some bold decisions. It doesn’t matter if your friends work at women’s aid, they will be bound by confidentiality. They also won’t judge the situation, and you shouldn’t be protecting his actions. You need to get out of there, he won’t change

Annnnd this is why I hate men. Right here.
please dump him outside with the bin when the trash goes. Your life will be so so so much better.

Can you afford to rent somewhere OP? You need out. You then need to see a solicitor and get a divorce filed.

I will admit I'm a people pleaser and I've always been the one who pays for everything in previous relationships too. I think it's largely due to my upbringing. A lot of the time I think men only want me because of what I earn but as a traveller it's hard to find someone who earns as much but won't judge backgrounds!

My H is thoroughly middle class and he holds that over me,like he's better because my family is poor. Yet I'm the one paying for everything. Aargh - I need to get out of this situation don't I

I have yes. I think too many times as I keep getting identified!

Thank you