Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

[JadeyFlies]

I haven’t done it for a while but prior to having
my 2 DC, I used to attend weekly pole fitness classes. These were really fun, and what made it brilliant was how supportive the environment was and how everyone encouraged each other.

I’ve mentioned in passing to a couple of colleagues about how I used to do this when we’ve been discussing fitness and routines etc. They seemed intrigued and the conversation moved on.

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

The photo was on the instagram page of the fitness group I used to attend and was from 6 years ago!! I have no images of this on my own social media, this is private, rarely used and I have no work colleagues on there.

It was a group photo so I was with 3 others but we were in ‘outfit’ so to speak so I wasn’t wearing loads of clothes.

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business. So my female colleague had obviously shared this photo with them before.

I haven’t left a workplace in tears since I was 16/17, but I was so upset on my way home and felt humiliated by my colleagues.

I don’t think this is just ‘banter’ and in my view it crossed a line so I’d be worth considering reporting this? Or do you think I’d be better laughing it off as it won’t get anywhere

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

I'd assume the girl that showed the photo did it at lunchtime because she knew exactly what the outcome from others would be...It's her way of putting someone else down to make herself look good.
In doing so she's shown herself to be no more than a twat and as upset as you were you now know that the other work colleagues aren't much more than that, just people you work with.

My daughter does pole exercise, she also rock climbs. Her core strength is immense, as I'm sure yours is.

Don't be upset. The people commenting have very small and ugly minds, fuck them.

It's sexual harassment under the Worker Protection Act - go to HR and quote this. They have a duty to protect employees from this and can face hefty fines from not doing so. Horrible behaviour by all of them!

I used to work with someone who did actual burlesque performances and nobody would ever have mocked her or made crass jokes about that where I work, let alone something as non-controversial as pole fitness. Your colleagues are arseholes.

Agree. There should also be an investigation of her IT to see if she used company equipment to trawl for pics to harass OP.

Tell them to F off !

Honestly I wouldn’t report this, they would probably just get a wrap on the knuckles and you’d be ostracised from a group that you would have seen as friends before as someone who brought something up and then got upset with slagged off and ran to hr .

They sound petty and immature for taking such a cheap shot but I’m just not sure that it’s worth souring your work relationships over. I’d definitely take a step back from them though.

Someone went to the trouble of searching her name and pole fitness to find photos from a few years ago, then shared them with others..100% jealous and trying to cause her problems at work

I know someone who does pole fitness and posts photos. She doesn't wear much doing it because, like gymnastics, you just can't but there's nothing sexual about it.

There's a real nasty vibe going on here, and their behaviour needs addressing because it is bullying.

Is your colleague 12? What absolute sad act would go the effort of searching for photos of someone from 6 years ago. Bringing them in and sharing with others in an attempt to embarrass you is such a nasty and mean spirited thing to do.

You should have told her if she has nothing better to do than scroll through 6 years of social media in her effort to humiliate you then she seriously needs to get a fucking life.

No conversation between work colleagues is "outside of work".

It is bullying. What would you like to happen?

I’m struggling a bit with this too.

On the one hand you say it was a great fitness activity, on the other you feel humiliated they have followed up on the fact you said you did it.

If you think the outfits and dancing are fine ( and I’m not suggesting there is any reason not to) why is it all so upsetting?

I dont think its that hard...

If you were previously involved in a swimming club, would you welcome having one of your coworkers trawl the internet to find pictures of you in a bikini and then pass it around the office? What if they suggested you did client meetings in your bikini, to "help the business"?

The comparison breaks at the point one suggested that the OP is/was a stripper, but even before that point, it is clearly not appropriate workplace behavior.

Remember this public bullying, humiliation, sexual harassment, all happened during luchtime at work.

This is 100% a HR matter.

💯

It’s literally bullying.

Your colleagues are misogynistic arseholes. Tell them to pack it in or you’ll go to HR.

Well I’d swim in a one piece and I’m not sure I’d be that bothered by a photo.

No I’m not outraged.

I think much of what you have articulated is why I was finding op’s distress a bit of a mis-match with the telling people about it and, in fact, doing it in the first place.

Its fine for people to pole dance if that’s their thing; but why do things that you can’t handle the implications of?

Because pole fit isn't the same as being a stripper? It's really no different from doing a sport. It's a great way to keep fit. Why should OP need to keep it a secret?

Also OP, screw them. Just smile along and say 'yesh, that's me, don't I look cool, I was so fit during that time' or etc

Really mumsnet??

Hahahaha! Projection is a real and genuine thing.

Okay.

#1 - yes, many people engage in bullying from time to time but sensible people at least know better than to do it in the workplace (particularly where also engaging in sexual harrassment). Even if the OP had been an actual, literal stripper, her colleagues' behavior would still be incredibly inappropriate.

#2 - I'm not the OP so I cannot tell you why she chose pole fitness, but it has been a fairly mainstream form of fitness for at least a couple of decades now, has gained recognition as a sport and it'd be very unsurprising to see it become an Olympic sport within the next decade.

#3 & 4 - It is undeniable that pole fitness/sports still carries a stigma and, yes, you cannot control people's views (even if their views are quite ingorant).

#6 - Pole fitness is a popular form of fitness and now a competitive sport (world championships and a), in which many women (and men) engage without stripping (well, they're similarly dressed to other types of gymnast). What do you even mean by "there's no half way" or "own it or don't"? Its obviously demonstrably untrue that all pole fitness/sports enthusiasts are strippers.

The OP could be perfectly fine with friends, family or coworkers seeing pictures of her, but be upset with them passing photos around and making demeaning comments about them in the workplace. The OP is clearly not embarrassed in having participated in pole fitness, she's upset by the shitty behavior of her coworkers, which she has every right to be. I'd be upset if my coworkers were making shitty comments about me, too, regardless of whether I felt them fair or not.