Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

[JadeyFlies]

I haven’t done it for a while but prior to having
my 2 DC, I used to attend weekly pole fitness classes. These were really fun, and what made it brilliant was how supportive the environment was and how everyone encouraged each other.

I’ve mentioned in passing to a couple of colleagues about how I used to do this when we’ve been discussing fitness and routines etc. They seemed intrigued and the conversation moved on.

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

The photo was on the instagram page of the fitness group I used to attend and was from 6 years ago!! I have no images of this on my own social media, this is private, rarely used and I have no work colleagues on there.

It was a group photo so I was with 3 others but we were in ‘outfit’ so to speak so I wasn’t wearing loads of clothes.

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business. So my female colleague had obviously shared this photo with them before.

I haven’t left a workplace in tears since I was 16/17, but I was so upset on my way home and felt humiliated by my colleagues.

I don’t think this is just ‘banter’ and in my view it crossed a line so I’d be worth considering reporting this? Or do you think I’d be better laughing it off as it won’t get anywhere

Whatever you decide to do OP, I am full of admiration for anyone who does pole fitness. It’s amazing seeing the shapes you can make, and the sheer strength to do it too.

Don’t blame op for colleagues creepy bloody behaviour.

Gosh can you even imagine searching 6 years back to make a screenshot to humiliate someone at work. Top level freak behaviour. Bordering on sexual harassment actually.

Really? If someone I worked with told me in passing that they did pole fitness 6+ years ago, there’s no way I’d go to the effort of going through multiple Facebook pages to find the correct instructor/group, and trawling through 6 years worth of posts just on the off chance I might catch a glimpse of my colleague in a bustier. I don’t think very many people at all would do that.

What an absolutely pathetic thing to do. If I were the OP, I’d be laughing at what a complete saddo this colleague was and asking if they had nothing more interesting to do with their evenings.

@JadeyFlies sorry your colleagues made you feel like this. They sound immature and mean. Probably jealous too. I honestly don’t know whether I personally would report it even though you do have grounds to as their response was inappropriate and not a two way happy banter. If that’s my workplace for the foreseeable future m I personally would let it go as otherwise it will become a huge thing and will never slowly fade into the background. And if they bring it up again I’d just say at least I had the courage to get out my comfort zone and try something new and scary to me. Then I’d ‘banter’, maybe if any of you develop enough guts and courage, you’ll be able to achieve something more than being a cowardly sheep!

I agree.
It is really nasty and creepy.
On that basis I think you can definitely have a chat with HR as a colleague referenced your private life and clients.
Nasty stuff.
Calling you a stripper and asking have you informed work?
Appalling behaviour.
Sexual harassment.
I think HR needs to know about this.
I'm not surprised you are very upset.

I think inferring you’re a stripper would get that guy in hot water. I’d tell them they upset you and you find it odd that they searched for these images. You’re right reporting them would probably get nowhere but could be a good warning….but at what cost I guess? You have to work with them. Telling them yourself and saying if it continues you’ll report it might be less confrontational?

Completely agree with pp’s who have said to report to HR. You have zero to be ashamed of - it’s a great fitness discipline (I deffo couldn’t do it!). They were completely out of order and I’m so sorry they did this to you - I would have been mortified too. Chin up - I think it’s awesome and HR should put them in their place for being unprofessional bellends.

Suggesting that you’re a stripper and that you could use your body to get more clients for the business is pretty blatant sexual harassment. Just go to HR, they’ll deal with it fairly swiftly. These people are just liabilities. Mentioning a hobby in the workplace does not mean people get to scour the internet for pics of you and bully you for them. Wtaf are these idiots on 🤣

There's nothing wrong with pole fitness, and it looks bl**dy hard work. Be proud of your athletic prowess.

Pole fitness is hard! I stopped after someone from here dragged me over reddit about how funny and ridiculous my pole photos are on FB. Because I’m fat (size 16/18) so it’s obviously hilarious
my pole class can’t guarantee 100% that I wouldn’t be in the background of any photos and I’ve been made that self conscious I stopped

That is very creepy/sneaky behaviour from your colleague who took the time to essentially stalk you online to find the image.

What’s the dynamic here - are they on the same level as you?

This is harassment and it denotes a toxic work environment, if an image has been shared without the sharer being challenged - I can’t imagine being shown a not-recent photo of a colleague doing a hobby in their spare time and not questioning why and how the image was obtained, if you see what I mean?

If I was you, I’d share this incident with my manager and maybe HR too?

Making derogatory and sexualised comments in the workplace is harassment and not everyone can react with a smart mouth in OP’s position. If she ‘gives as good as she got’ she’d also be liable for harassment. Regardless of feelings it’s not a healthy work environment and it’s unlawful. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace.

OP I’d escalate this through line management/HR.

Report to HR - nasty and harassing. The colleagues laughing wouldn’t be able to do this fitness. It’s really tough and needs strength. These colleagues are idiots. Keep away from them as much as possible.

I’m sorry they have done that to you. It must make working with them uncomfortable.

Chalk this up to experience or a lesson learned. Be very careful what you tell people, anyone. And know that just because someone asks you a specific question you don’t have to answer it specifically or fully. Depending on how intrusive or contentious the question is, you don’t even have to answer it honestly, if at all.

While this is fresh in your mind tonight, email yourself detailed notes, word for word, what was said and by whom.
This will be date stamped.

Contact HR and ask for a meeting to lay out your enormous upset at what was said to you and what was inferred.
This is serious grievance stuff.
The more I think about this, the more shocking it is.
I am so sorry.

😱Are you one of OP’s colleagues? This is a terrible take. In fact so bad I might use it as a training scenario. If you have any HR responsibilities in your workplace I suggest you ask for some training because this if you were in this situation, this advice would see you added to any sexual harassment/discrimination claim.

It’s a great way of keeping fit and using your core muscles. If you were wearing a leotard the same as other gymnasts do, I can’t understand their negative and sexist comments .

I work with only males, there is a lot of jokes and banter, there are (rare) times where they have inadvertently cross the line in terms of offensive comments on my personal life. I ask if they could just stop, and they happily do.

If you have a good relationship with them, I would politely ask them to stop the subject, I think HR should be the last resort as it will create even more tension.

Exactly

"What the hell did you put into your search engine to give you that picture "?

100% report to HR, that is the definition of sexual harrasment! There is absolutley nothing wrong with going to pole fitness, however digging up old photos of you doing it and sharing around colleagues and then them making leering, innuendo is 100% sexual harrassment by all 3 of them. They need a proper bloody word!!!

OP you need to complain to HR about this. Your colleagues' reaction is really weird.

I do cabaret and burlesque, and got chatting about it with some colleagues recently. They were really nice about it!

I also have friends that do pole, and not once have they ever said anything about being hassled them about them being like strippers. Who does that?! I think most people nowadays know that pole sport is fitness, and requires a great deal of strength and flexibility. Anyone reducing it down to stripping hasn't got a clue what it actually entails. Regardless - hunting down an old photo and then sharing it around your workplace is wildly inappropriate and your HR needs to be told about it.

Agree. OP I was so busy being outraged I forgot to say that a) I hope you’re ok and b) pole fitness is super impressive. I follow a woman on Instagram who does pole and callisthenics and she is like a gravity defying magician.

Exactly! Well done, OP!

It’s an example of a childish group at work making childish comments. They are one step away from calling everyone pooheads and laughing about it. God forbid anyone goes to a swimming pool or a beach.

Making derogatory and sexualised comments in the workplace is harassment and not everyone can react with a smart mouth in OP’s position. If she ‘gives as good as she got’ she’d also be liable for harassment. Regardless of feelings it’s not a healthy work environment and it’s unlawful. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace.
OP I’d escalate this through line management/HR

It's not about having a smart mouth it's about standing up for yourself and not being intimated by stupid so called banter. Of course it's about knowing the office culture, like I said, in my work place I could getaway with some retorts.

To me , I would be cringing inside but I'll be dammed if a bloke made me go home in tears. It just adds to the image that some men have of women being 'weak'.
I'd rather have a disciplinary for standing up for myself than go home in tears by an arseholes comments.