Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

[JadeyFlies]

I haven’t done it for a while but prior to having
my 2 DC, I used to attend weekly pole fitness classes. These were really fun, and what made it brilliant was how supportive the environment was and how everyone encouraged each other.

I’ve mentioned in passing to a couple of colleagues about how I used to do this when we’ve been discussing fitness and routines etc. They seemed intrigued and the conversation moved on.

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

The photo was on the instagram page of the fitness group I used to attend and was from 6 years ago!! I have no images of this on my own social media, this is private, rarely used and I have no work colleagues on there.

It was a group photo so I was with 3 others but we were in ‘outfit’ so to speak so I wasn’t wearing loads of clothes.

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business. So my female colleague had obviously shared this photo with them before.

I haven’t left a workplace in tears since I was 16/17, but I was so upset on my way home and felt humiliated by my colleagues.

I don’t think this is just ‘banter’ and in my view it crossed a line so I’d be worth considering reporting this? Or do you think I’d be better laughing it off as it won’t get anywhere

I would have turned it back on them with ‘oh god what a sad life you have to go looking back 6 years!’

I don’t know where you work but where I work this would absolutely not be tolerated by HR.

On the one hand, on the face of it, I don't think you that you should feel embarrassed (but that doesnt mean you are being unreasonable to feel as you do, by any stretch).

On the other...they have clearly tried to embarrass you. They must have expended a fair bit of effort to track down the photo, have shared it, and confronted you with it in the workplace. Even if you'd otherwise have been comfortable sharing the pictures on your own terms, I can certainly understand you thinking it was mean spirited and intended to be demeaning. The stripper comment is obviously demeaning, too (although not as vindictive as the finding and sharing).

All to say, you've plainly been the victim of sexual harrassment and you should raise with HR.

It's sexual harassment you'd be well within your rights to report.

Awful post. Abysmal advice (re. obvious sexual harrassment) and extremely and unduly judgmental. In no way should participating in pole fitness bring a business into disrepute.

This

It wasn't a one-off stupid comment, it was pre-meditated to search for the photos, share them and do it in a humiliating way. It is bullying.

There's nothing wrong or seedy about pole fitness (kudos to women having the strength to do it; it's hard!) They've exposed themselves as ignorant, unpleasant idiots.

It’s still a work environment. I wouldn’t report to HR though..yet. I would tell them personally that I wasn’t comfortable. If it happened again I would report them.

I probably wouldn’t report it if it were me ( kind of a last resort in my mind ) but if I was embarrassed I would shut the conversation down ( as soon as you felt uncomfortable) “ In what world is this an appropriate conversation?” And then silence… give it a bit of a sharp tone. Don’t let knob heads like this make you feel lesser OP. Sadly it is almost 100% guaranteed that if you mention a class like this that some idiot will make a case joke. You’ve got to stomp on it and shut down the conversation.

I think you should try to be proud over your pole competence and ignore the twats. It wasn't nice trying to embarrass you but it only works if you get embarrassed. Tbh I wouldn't have been. I would have asked on of the girls who found the picture if she's got form for stalking collegues on the internet.

Can you inform company HR about this bullying?

Report- they were out of order. Ballet classes involve leotards & tight fitting clothes, as does ballroom dancing, swimming, athletics etc. these are the type of guys that yell at female joggers.

The men sound like sexist creeps and the women sound jealous.

If they continue to mock you OP speak to your line manager, or someone you trust. Nasty bullies.

Don’t be daft. It’s sexual harassment. OP mentioned it in the context of fitness classes and they’re trying to turn it into something sleazy.

A colleague of mine does this. It looks absolutely amazing, and I'm very envious of her flexibility. I don't think anyone would say anything like this to her but if they did, I imagine she would have found the first bit funny - I certainly would if it had happened to me, though I wouldn't have had the bravery to do it in the first place. The best response to the blokes would have been to suggest they dress up like that in front of clients first, and if it worked you'd do it too.

But this is just by way of a different perspective - I do recognise that I'm very thick skinned and this is clearly something that's really upset you. So for you, what is a good outcome? Is it formalising a complaint, knowing that will have a long term effect on your relationships, but will underline the seriousness of how you're feeling about what they've said? Is it just making them understand that you're upset, and the depth of that? Or are you just hoping for support, or perspective (if not, apologies for my first para)?

How did they know where to find the pics, did you tell them the name of the place you went to?

They are just joking. They don’t actually think shes a stripper because she went pole dancing.

I'd wait and see. If the comments continue tomorrow, then report it to HR.

Yes. Full on stalker behaviour. I would embarrass her right back and then report to HR.

Your colleagues sound like they have no life. If I found out a colleague used to do pole fitness I wouldn't even bat an eyelid. It's pretty commonplace now isn't it? I'd probably be impressed as it involves physical strength and fitness. Nothing to do with stripping!

Some jokes aren’t funny though.

Especially if it’s their intention to try and make the OP feel embarrassed.

Surely most adults know the definition of bullying?

I am sorry they are such arses. I am in awe of you for doing pole. The DC's old childminder did it and she was crazy fit. Hopefully your colleagues just had a moment of stupidity and they won't repeat it. x

Pole fitness, not pole dancing.

It’s odd if they deliberately sought out the photos of you, but I would have just laughed off the comments if it were me.

But it’s not a joke if OP isn’t laughing. Their actions and comments made the OP feel like she was being mocked. It doesn’t matter if they thought it was a joke, they are bullying her and it’s not ok. It’s not a group of lads taking the piss out of each other down the pub, they are at work and need to behave like adults and have some respect.

I would speak to HR and mention bullying and sexual harassment. You're there to do a job, not to be called a stripper. And how creepy are these people tracking down old photos of you. Wtaf?

I thought everyone knew that pole fitness is pole fitness and not stripping. Plenty of women in my old office did it and proudly shared videos of their achievements on social media and people were mostly impressed. I was anyway, it's a badass hobby and requires hard work if you want to be any good. Your colleagues suck, OP.

The op didn't find it funny though.
This is work, not the pub.
The way they behaved was really unprofessional.
Op is well within her rights to report them.