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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

185 replies

JadeyFlies · 09/06/2025 19:37

I haven’t done it for a while but prior to having
my 2 DC, I used to attend weekly pole fitness classes. These were really fun, and what made it brilliant was how supportive the environment was and how everyone encouraged each other.

I’ve mentioned in passing to a couple of colleagues about how I used to do this when we’ve been discussing fitness and routines etc. They seemed intrigued and the conversation moved on.

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

The photo was on the instagram page of the fitness group I used to attend and was from 6 years ago!! I have no images of this on my own social media, this is private, rarely used and I have no work colleagues on there.

It was a group photo so I was with 3 others but we were in ‘outfit’ so to speak so I wasn’t wearing loads of clothes.

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business. So my female colleague had obviously shared this photo with them before.

I haven’t left a workplace in tears since I was 16/17, but I was so upset on my way home and felt humiliated by my colleagues.

I don’t think this is just ‘banter’ and in my view it crossed a line so I’d be worth considering reporting this? Or do you think I’d be better laughing it off as it won’t get anywhere

OP posts:
Srubag · 09/06/2025 19:39

They are very mean, but I don’t know why you would bring this up in a work environment. I’d also contact the old instructor and ask them to remove scantily clad images of you from the internet.

Original poster
JadeyFlies · 09/06/2025 19:42

Srubag · 09/06/2025 19:39

They are very mean, but I don’t know why you would bring this up in a work environment. I’d also contact the old instructor and ask them to remove scantily clad images of you from the internet.

Sorry, I should have said in my OP - conversation was outside of work and they’d specifically asked what fitness related stuff I do/have done. I didn’t expect the conversation to go any further.

OP posts:
Missanimosity · 09/06/2025 19:43

How nasty of them. Tell them if they don't drop it now you will go to HR and mean it. What you do im your free time is none of their buisness and sharing a pictures of yours they went digging for is plain nasty. Don't you dare being ashamed, you did it for fitness not for money, even if it was for money is still not their buisness. I see girls in gym wearing less then strippers, same with dancers who the hell takes pictures of women and tease like that? Bunch of pervs, that's who!

blubberyboo · 09/06/2025 19:43

Disagree with first poster.

You brought it up in a fitness sense

Your colleagues made derogatory and sexual comments about your clothes and implied you have some sort of shameful second employment...false.

If we mention at work that we've been on a beach holiday would we expect a male colleague to bring up a bikini photo from Facebook and imply that we are ladies of the night etc? No

Definitely report. It amounts to sexual harassment

Notyomama · 09/06/2025 19:45

Are you able to talk to them about it and tell them how it made you feel?

It's so disappointing when people you thought were nice behave like dickheads.

That said you have nothing to be ashamed of. They have plenty to be ashamed of. Idiots.

Gizlotsmum · 09/06/2025 19:45

Raise a complaint!! I do Pole fitness, some people at work know.. others don’t but nothing negative has ever been said. It is really hard to do it well..

Missanimosity · 09/06/2025 19:45

Srubag · 09/06/2025 19:39

They are very mean, but I don’t know why you would bring this up in a work environment. I’d also contact the old instructor and ask them to remove scantily clad images of you from the internet.

Don't tell anyone to take picture off. That would mean you are ashamed, why would you? I have each bikiny pictures on my facebook no one ever dared to make inappropriate comments at work about them. Is called every day life, if they can't be grown up about it they shouldn't be in a working environment.

LegoAirlines · 09/06/2025 19:46

Tell them to drop it, and let HR know if they don’t.

But… this is why you should be careful of the photos that end up online.

SummerEve · 09/06/2025 19:46

Srubag · 09/06/2025 19:39

They are very mean, but I don’t know why you would bring this up in a work environment. I’d also contact the old instructor and ask them to remove scantily clad images of you from the internet.

Give over. OP has done nothing wrong. The behaviour of her colleagues is absolutely shameful though.

LoveNRoses · 09/06/2025 19:46

I don’t understand this. Either you’re pleased to have done it or embarrassed. If embarrassed then why bring it up? If embarrassed then why did you do it in the first place. So odd.

cosmicbabe · 09/06/2025 19:46

Maybe they are jealous? Quite a sexy thing to do and is actually very hard physically. Just own it x

notacooldad · 09/06/2025 19:46

Going home in tears is not going to help.
Why are you not giving as good as you got back.
The 'stripper' comment you should have replied ' mate, you are talking out of your arse if you think that's stripping, jeez wise up!
I dont know your do but in my team it would be perfectly acceptable to tell them ' to get to fuck, you dickhead! But I appreciate every work place is different.
( I may have said this once or twice to the clowns I work with! )

It's not bantering back, it's about not being intimated by their shit talk and holding your head high.

Notyomama · 09/06/2025 19:47

LegoAirlines · 09/06/2025 19:46

Tell them to drop it, and let HR know if they don’t.

But… this is why you should be careful of the photos that end up online.

Totally disagree. I hate that attitude of 'what did you expect'?

I, personally, expect people to behave like grownups, not nasty schoolchildren.

Bournetilly · 09/06/2025 19:48

It’s really strange that they have found photos of you from years ago but I don’t think they said anything bad/ mean, they are implying you look good.

CheeseWisely · 09/06/2025 19:48

They sound like dickheads OP, and childish ones at that. I also used to do pole fitness and I do have some pictures on my own social media and people at work know, just as I know that a colleague does boxing, and one plays tennis. If anyone I work with felt the need to bring it up in a derogatory way they’d get the sharp end of my tongue at the very least.

Hatty65 · 09/06/2025 19:49

I don't know whether I would just leave it now having gone home and (presumably) not said anything at the time. I suspect I would simply drop it and not expect to hear it mentioned again by anyone..

However, if it were brought up again at work with any kind of similar comment I would say calmly, 'That's extremely offensive and inappropriate in a work setting. I expect you to apologise immediately otherwise I shall raise it with HR as a complaint. It's unprofessional to make that kind of remark to coworkers'.

Sometimeinadifferentworld · 09/06/2025 19:50

It sounds like sexual harassment to me OP.
Totally inappropriate. Yes I would report it

Largestlegocollectionever · 09/06/2025 19:50

I’d report it and HR should come down hard on the person who sourced and shared the pic

Missanimosity · 09/06/2025 19:50

LoveNRoses · 09/06/2025 19:46

I don’t understand this. Either you’re pleased to have done it or embarrassed. If embarrassed then why bring it up? If embarrassed then why did you do it in the first place. So odd.

She is pleased she did it but the colleagues made her feel embarrassed. What is so hard to understand?

Redburnett · 09/06/2025 19:55

The only reason HR are likely to be interested is if they think these images of an employee are likely to bring the company into disrepute.
OP not only did you do this, you told colleagues. Given the connotations of pole dancing it should be no surprise that they went looking for photos.
Hold your head up high, say nothing and hope they quickly move on to some other gossip.

Notyomama · 09/06/2025 19:56

Redburnett · 09/06/2025 19:55

The only reason HR are likely to be interested is if they think these images of an employee are likely to bring the company into disrepute.
OP not only did you do this, you told colleagues. Given the connotations of pole dancing it should be no surprise that they went looking for photos.
Hold your head up high, say nothing and hope they quickly move on to some other gossip.

It should be no surprise they went looking for photos?? Really?? What sort of people do you hang about with? I don't know a single person who would behave like this.

Missanimosity · 09/06/2025 20:01

Redburnett · 09/06/2025 19:55

The only reason HR are likely to be interested is if they think these images of an employee are likely to bring the company into disrepute.
OP not only did you do this, you told colleagues. Given the connotations of pole dancing it should be no surprise that they went looking for photos.
Hold your head up high, say nothing and hope they quickly move on to some other gossip.

No. Just, no. No way someone should go digging for pictures of someone doing pole dancing for fitness. Is an exercise, just like dancing. Is not normal.

2021x · 09/06/2025 20:01

Sign them up for a class as a work event with real task master for a teacher, it will soon wipe the smile off of their faces

2021x · 09/06/2025 20:02

Bournetilly · 09/06/2025 19:48

It’s really strange that they have found photos of you from years ago but I don’t think they said anything bad/ mean, they are implying you look good.

Give over they are calling her a stripper.

slidingsideways · 09/06/2025 20:03

You have done nothing wrong. Pole fitness is exactly that, fitness. There are plenty of other sports and activities that involve skimpy outfits (swimming. Gymnastics, skating etc), why is this any different? It has nothing to do with your work, even if you are open with your colleagues about it. You did nothing wrong by telling them about it. There’s nothing wrong with the picture being online. Any comments saying “what did you expect” are victim blaming and I’m actually amazed at the number of people who have voted for YABU. These people are the ones in the wrong, for searching for pictures from 6 years ago (which is just strange why would they), for the comments, and for making you feel like you have done something wrong. I think I would have been completely blindsided too and wouldn’t have known what on earth to say. What has happened to you is completely wrong and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I think you should take it to your HR team, I hope they take it seriously, and I hope it doesn’t make going to work too uncomfortable for you in the meantime. But hold your head high - I’ll say it again though just in case - you have done nothing wrong.