Work colleagues found photos from when I used to do pole fitness and are mocking me

[JadeyFlies]

I haven’t done it for a while but prior to having
my 2 DC, I used to attend weekly pole fitness classes. These were really fun, and what made it brilliant was how supportive the environment was and how everyone encouraged each other.

I’ve mentioned in passing to a couple of colleagues about how I used to do this when we’ve been discussing fitness and routines etc. They seemed intrigued and the conversation moved on.

Fast forward a month, sat on lunch in the staff area and one of the girls I work with showed me a photo on her phone and asked whether it was me. I confirmed it was.

The photo was on the instagram page of the fitness group I used to attend and was from 6 years ago!! I have no images of this on my own social media, this is private, rarely used and I have no work colleagues on there.

It was a group photo so I was with 3 others but we were in ‘outfit’ so to speak so I wasn’t wearing loads of clothes.

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business. So my female colleague had obviously shared this photo with them before.

I haven’t left a workplace in tears since I was 16/17, but I was so upset on my way home and felt humiliated by my colleagues.

I don’t think this is just ‘banter’ and in my view it crossed a line so I’d be worth considering reporting this? Or do you think I’d be better laughing it off as it won’t get anywhere

I think it would count as sexual harassment, should you choose to pursue it.

This is unfair. Op wasn't embarrassed to mention she'd been to the class for fitness reasons. Her colleagues scoured the internet for photographs and made stripper jokes.
Sadly a lot of men are all just teenage boys at heart.

It’s the female colleague that did the research from 6!!! years ago,

And maybe you should start treating men as the competent adults Theyre supposed to be instead of letting them get away with it ‘because they’re just teenager at heart bless them’.

I'm in HR. This is sexual harassment and I think you should speak to your HR. To me it's beyond unacceptable to go searching for an old photo and share it with other colleagues for it to be joked about. Protections against sexual harassment are so much stronger than they have been before. Employers have a duty to prevent sexual harassment. I don't think commenters would brush it off so quickly if colleagues were making racial jokes.

I really think it is victim blaming to be telling the OP she should have slapped this down as banter.

Some colleague telling you they have gone to the trouble of SM stalking you to find a photo of you doing fitness 6 years ago, another alluding to your professionalism with clients and calling you a stripper.

Bloody hell.

I don't know how some people on MN are used to being spoken to, but it really isn't the OPs fault that she was shocked, humiliated and cried in shock afterwards.
I think a lot of women would be initially appalled and then both furious afterwards.

I really think it is a serious HR matter.
Whom exactly do these people think they are?.

They need to be both firmly made aware of how seriously they have fxxked up.

OP, you would not be unreasonable to call ACAS tomorrow and tell HR you are going to seek outside advice on this.

I believe any half decent HR department would take this very seriously.

I would own it. I wouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. My friend used to go to pole dancing classes,alongside some other classes - she did it for fitness and lost loads of weight. She was in her 40s at the time and looked amazing, she put her photos and videos on fb! However the crude comments from colleagues are unprofessional and inappropriate and I would pull them up on it.

I don't think they expected some who does pole dancing for fun to take a few comments so seriously. Be proud of it and rise above.

Yes, and not everyone feels able to ‘stand up for themselves’ in that situation. The point is, you shouldn’t end up in a disciplinary for your reaction, and OP shouldn’t be criticised for her tears. Both responses are valid. Fortunately, they don’t have to because we have laws and that help people asset their rights even if their emotions overtake them in the moment.

Absolute tosh.

HR and I'm sure the CEO will be interested because they have a legal duty to be (worker protection act 2023). If anything will bring the company into disrepute- it will be that.

I would just call them out on bullshit but I do get how hard that can feel when it's colleagues. However I'm in my mid 40s now and just can't be fucking arsed to take shit.

Knob heads! They’re probably just jealous. The comment about getting more clients was entirely inappropriate!

I do pole fitness, well I’m happy to call it what it is pole dancing, in fact I’ve just finished as I have a pole in my house. I’m proud of it! I’m nearly 40 and I’m fucking strong 💪 and loving my favourite hobby.

I don’t post pics online of me in too racy outfits as I’m a Probation officer but I certainly do in gym shots and a crop top.

I have only had nasty comments from one person, well to my face anyway, and that person is no longer a friend 😡.

It’s a fitness class, not sex work that is providing you a second income. If they say anything again, absolutely call them out on it.
‘What do you mean?’ ‘Sorry, can you explain why you think that?’

One of my other colleagues (male) chirped up and asked me if I realised I need to declare second jobs to our boss (as in I’m a stripper), and another one said I should wear that outfit in front of clients as it would help us win business.

This is straightforward sexual harassment. You can warn your colleagues if they repeat this kind of comment you will go to HR, or just report them immediately.

I am so sorry this was done to you.

Send an email to HR recounting exactly what has happened: from the original out of work conversation and the context (being asked aboutfitness), to the searching for photos without your consent or knowledge by your colleague, and her bringing them to the attention of other colleagues within the workplace, and all of them making derogatory and sexualised comments about them in connection with your job. And the distress this has caused you within the workplace.

Because people sometimes chat about non work stuff with colleagues? Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean it’s not a perfectly normal thing to do.

OP they are bullies what horrible people.

They are calling her a stripper, internet stalking her and making sexualised comments towards her at work.

They are creeps.

I said sadly a lot of men, not all men. Think you've misunderstood me. I just envisioned some horrible immature pricks laughing at pole fitness. Didn't intend it to be an excuse for them.

They’re calling her a stripper because…she is pole dancing. Which is what strippers do…

I bet they are just jealous

You're being ridiculous. Pretty sure you know you are too. What are you getting out of being like this?

This is great advice.

Not pole dancing, pole fitness classes, nothing to do with stripping. But then you knew that.

Laugh it off. Own it. ‘Long time ago, before I had kids. Loved it actually, was good fun and met some super fit women.’

I'd also report. The fact this girl trawled through 6 years worth of social media to find this and then shared it with colleagues before bringing it to you is a pathetic attempt to 'slut shame' and bully you. I would report it to hr and then tell her directly that you've done so and why. She was hugely unprofessional.

This was my exact thought. The only one that should've gone home crying is the one that used their time to stalk photos of their colleague from 6 years ago. That is actually quite disturbing. If they bring it up at all again I would frame it this was also. That you find colleagues stalking old photos of you doing exercise creepy and are considering reporting to HR for the future safety of everyone at the company. Put them in their box!