To think my husband is being unreasonable

[householddog]

im on a diet since having a baby 9 months ago I wouldn’t really call it a diet just cutting out rubbish and making healthier choices. Last month my husband asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I said yes grab me something nice he came back with chocolate and crisps galore. I thanked him but said I couldn’t eat any of this as I’m eating healthy. He then said well what could he have got me and I said my favourite magazine a melon some nice bubble bath some flowers etc. I’ve done so well to loose some weight so far I’m not huge but the biggest I’ve ever been and since having the baby I had resorted to sugar to keep me going and relying on snacks for fuel. Today he text me while I was in the middle of dealing with the baby and preparing dinner to ask if I want anything so I text back saying yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me. I had to rush off as baby was crying and then left my phone up stairs so couldn’t say what I wanted. Hes come back with chocolate galore again profiteroles Pringles and sweets. I said I can’t eat any of that but that I appreciate the thought. I’ve had a hard day with the baby I’m also in a lot of pain with my period on codine and taking morphine when he’s home to keep an eye on the baby. I just wanted a nice treat and he’s done it again. He also randomly brings home junk and offers it to me and I say no. I haven’t fully restrained myself I had some cake at my mums birthday I also had some pudding when out just us too for our anniversary. But I’ve made it very clear that I’m being really determined at home. He says I’m being unreasonable and how was he to know as I didn’t say what I wanted

You need to say what you want at the time. Or write a list of viable options, screenshot it and send to him when he’s going to the shops.

Oh ffs, when someone asks if you want something and you’re going to be awkward about it then tell them what you actually want. This nonsense “oh surprise me with a treat,” is just setting him up to fail. He clearly means food, do you want any food and you say you want a treat… which usually means something a bit unhealthy because that’s a bloody treat. If you don’t want that then don’t say it and answer with “bubble bath please.” You sound like such hard work.

I don't think it would be too difficult for you to give him some ideas OP.

YABU
"Get me something nice" is so open to interpretation.

A favourite magazine a melon some nice bubble bath some flowers etc

Do you not see how those things differ?? Give the man a break and open your mouth, you could have said "get me a melon" - weird but its direct!

You set him up to fail.

Not sure how ‘do you want a treat’ means expensive flowers - no other woman would ever suggest that!!

If you want a banana ask for a banana.

Healthy food isn’t a ‘treat’ your husband got the treat part right.

Poor bloke, thought he'd done something nice. Just tell him what you want next time.

I think there's been a miscommunication overall. If me or my h is at the gorcery store and we ask for something it's usually food related and junk. Or cheese and crackers which is also not that healthy.

If I want I special treat I have to be more specific. But my H can be pretty dense with buying gifts and things like that. He needs diagrams, pictures, screens shots and a map. He will still often get the "wrong" thing. But he tries. He's pretty decent in all other areas, in gifts and treats he's clueless.

I once said surprise me. He got me a huge multi pack of sponges for washing up. He was made up, they were on offer and the "posh" ones. And couldn't see why I was although amused also annoyed.

Yeah I think this is on you OP.

Even when dieting, if I asked my DH to get me “a treat” or “something nice” and he came back with a melon I’d be very put out.

Is he a bit on the chubby side himself? Maybe he's trying to sabotage your diet. More common than you'd think. Or he's just being a man and not thinking, so next time he says do you want a treat, reply something like "I'd really like something like fresh strawberries, or a couple of those fresh fruit pots they sell next to the berries."

If I asked DH to bring me something nice back from the shop I can guarantee you he wouldn't even go near the bubble bath section. That's so bizarre.

You clearly knew what you wanted so you should have just asked for it.

Sorry OP. I agree.
The fact you are still eating some sweet treats (ie cake) I can totally see why he'd buy you a sweet treat when you say you want a treat. Especially after a rough day. It's something you have eaten, you do eat, you enjoy.

@householddog

" I’m also in a lot of pain with my period on codine and taking morphine"!!

morphine, for period pain? gosh, is this standard now?

"grab me something nice" is not specific enough, really.

"He says I’m being unreasonable and how was he to know as I didn’t say what I wanted" he's not wrong

You need to tell him specifically what you would like. Fruit or flowers gives him a bit of leeway to surprise you.

I think there is also an element of him not understanding that fruit or flowers can possibly described as a treat.

Agree this reads like you're trying to catch him out. I would hate this vagueness.

My dh wouldndo this if I asked him for something nice. Think you just need to be a bit more precise.

Yes please dh, can you get me something nice that isn’t food related’

You might be dieting but you said treat. Thats a nice bubbly drink or indulgent dessert or chocolate not bubble bath or a melon.

A melon would only been seen as a treat if you couldn’t normally afford one to me.

Just tell him what you want then. Treats or something nice mean different things to different people

I said to him in the car I would have some cake at my mums but only a small bit as It was my mums birthday I’ve made it very clear I’m on a diet. He keeps buying junk food for me and the house even when I say I can’t have it. I would have suggested what I wanted had I not been dealing with a tearful baby who’s teething and screaming the house down.

I think you are being unreasonable, if my DP asks if i want something from the shop he 100% means food and if I said a treat or something nice he would buy my favourite chocolate. He would never think of bubble bath or the like. Be more direct next time

She doesn’t need to do this. He is actively sabotaging her so will just ignore direct instructions.

Do you want anything?

Oh yes can you grab some melon slices and that lavender bubble bath love ya x

Or as I do to dh. On your way home from work can you grab X Y Z. Thank you x

Sod the chocolate - how on earth are you taking codeine and morphine for period pain??!?!

Your DH isn’t being unreasonable, you are! You ask for a treat, he brings you one and you tell him he got it wrong. Just tell him exactly what you want next time

Just tell him what you want next time.