To think my husband is being unreasonable

[householddog]

im on a diet since having a baby 9 months ago I wouldn’t really call it a diet just cutting out rubbish and making healthier choices. Last month my husband asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I said yes grab me something nice he came back with chocolate and crisps galore. I thanked him but said I couldn’t eat any of this as I’m eating healthy. He then said well what could he have got me and I said my favourite magazine a melon some nice bubble bath some flowers etc. I’ve done so well to loose some weight so far I’m not huge but the biggest I’ve ever been and since having the baby I had resorted to sugar to keep me going and relying on snacks for fuel. Today he text me while I was in the middle of dealing with the baby and preparing dinner to ask if I want anything so I text back saying yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me. I had to rush off as baby was crying and then left my phone up stairs so couldn’t say what I wanted. Hes come back with chocolate galore again profiteroles Pringles and sweets. I said I can’t eat any of that but that I appreciate the thought. I’ve had a hard day with the baby I’m also in a lot of pain with my period on codine and taking morphine when he’s home to keep an eye on the baby. I just wanted a nice treat and he’s done it again. He also randomly brings home junk and offers it to me and I say no. I haven’t fully restrained myself I had some cake at my mums birthday I also had some pudding when out just us too for our anniversary. But I’ve made it very clear that I’m being really determined at home. He says I’m being unreasonable and how was he to know as I didn’t say what I wanted

FFS just say what you want. Equally say what you don’t want. It’s really not hard. Send him a bloody txt. Baby or no baby.

This! Morphine? I take morphine for cancer pain!

Edited: sorry, didn’t see you have endo. That’s horrid.

Just be clear what you want next time, then there will be no mix up, chocolate, sweets or junk.

Sorry, but most people don’t have the headspace to commit to memory the details of others’ temporary, non-medical dietary restrictions (particularly if they will sometimes still eat cake, and/or ate chocolate the last time you got some, etc).

If you’re being particular about what you will and won’t eat, then you need to be specific in your food requests from other people.

Sorry OP, you are the unreasonable one I think. at least remind him you don't want sweet stuff or rubbish.

If someone something nice or a treat then it's something edible, it wouldn't occur to me to get a melon though..

It’s not period pain @Sherararara@MarySueSaidBooits endometriosis it’s one of the top 20 most painful conditions I pass out from the pain giving birth was less painful that what I go through every month surprised no one’s heard of it. I’ve had surgery for it 3 times last time they couldn’t remove all the endo as my ovaries and other organs where stuck to each other they where shocked I managed to conceive naturally

as others have said give him a list. As your habits have changed so you both need to adjust.

unless you have a habit for wanting melon as a treat. It’s not going to be his go to. Nor is he going to remember after mentioning it once in passing.

You need to cut him some slack

"I once said surprise me. He got me a huge multi pack of sponges for washing up. He was made up, they were on offer and the "posh" ones." This made me laugh out loud, thank you (and bless him)! 😂😂😂

Just tell him next time. Yes love, I'd love some of my nice bath soak, the magazine I like and some melon slices for later.
If my DH asked me for a treat I wouldn't take that as magazine/bath stuff and we are both healthy eaters too. I'd think him asking for a treat would be him wanting a night off for some nachos or something.

My disappointment level if I asked for a treat from the garage and got a melon.

Blimey, tough crowd. Well done @householddog on your willpower. Yes, endometriosis is excrutiating. Just ask for some nice flowers, next time. 💐

😅

This exactly. If you must ask for a surprise treat at least specify it is not to be food based.

I would say you need to tell him what you want next time.

If my partner went to the shop and I said suprise me he would definitely bring back a load of chocolate and sweets etc unless I told him otherwise.

I almost quoted your first post @householddog then thought better of it.
My mum would eat healthy and cut out sweets and do well and every single time my dad would bring her home a box of chocolates - the kind she couldn’t resist.
I never would’ve noticed it if she hadn’t pointed it out, but it was true.
She called him a ”diet saboteur.”

I think that’s the issue though, OP did say that to him the first time he came back with junk exactly the sorts of things she’d like but sounds like her DH is incapable of remembering that simple info.

@householddog I think people have been a bit harsh with you. I don’t think YABU at all once DH has been told what constitutes a treat or something nice when you’re on a diet. It’s crazy he can’t surprise you sometimes flowers, sometimes fruit, magazine etc. Also crazy he constantly brings back junk for you knowing full well you’re cutting back and politely told him not to.

It’s a shame with all the work you’re currently doing already you cant even look forward to a surprise and have to think yourself then clinically ‘order’ it through him. You’re not a complex character, typical girly/pampering things - only stipulation being no junk food! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh my DH does this. I always say “a surprise” knowing full well I fucking hate surprises in general. I’m the problem, it’s me. The corner shop sells junk, and then I get junk. Then I eat it and rinse, repeat.

“do you want me to get you anything?”
”no thank you darling” EVERY TIME.

I am trying to find a way to silence the “food noise”. I have realised that unless I can do this I won’t succeed. Soup it is… 😟

Knowing he'd "got it wrong" (sort of) the first time, you were a bit daft not to be more specific the second time. He's not going to bring you back an apple and some Ryvita for a treat.

Some awful responses on here re. your endometriosis pain. I had severe endometriosis amd adenomyosis and also had to have oramorph/ morphine sulfate tablets and frequently diamorphine injections for utterly horrific pain which would make me vomit and faint. Was so glad to have a hysterectomy and ovaries removed at age 27. My empathies OP, it's truly dreadful when it's that severe.

Re. your treats. You're being very unreasonable so you need to specify what treats you're requesting.

😂 multi pack of sponges: so funny

re the endo pain - OP literally said in her OP (I went to check) that she was having pain from period and not endo, so it is not UR that people are picking up on that.

we all have to be pragmatic sometimes: if you know your DH is either trying to sab your healthy eating, or is too stupid to read your mind know what you consider a treat, then use your words and be specific. It is not rocket science.

If this was me, I would chat to partner about it. Explain (again) that you are trying really hard to make healthy choices and explain that when you fancy a ‘treat’ you are trying to choose fresh fruit, a fancy yoghurt etc.

and also explain you are trying to also enjoy non food ‘treats’ as a way to still treat yourself and indulge. Be specific. A Fancy bubble bath, a nice body cream, a magazine, a new lip balm , a scented candle etc.

im sorry to hear you are in such pain OP, extreme period pain is no fun and it must be really hard to manage that level of pain with a little one to look after too. I imagine that level of pain along with raging hormones and a teething baby have you at the end of your tether, and have made this interaction with your partner feel really frustrating and a bit ‘bigger’ than it might feel if you were feeling well.

you sound like you don’t feel you are being heard, And you are working really hard to eat well and maybe feel a bit sabotaged by him bringing you junk food?

Maybe sitting partner down and directly telling them why you felt frustrated by them bringing you this and offering direct suggestions to them of a more appropriate’ treat’ for you might help?

No idea if your partner is a reasonable sort, but if they are this might help?

im sending you a hug x

Maybe he could have asked her to clarify, in the absence of her caring to do so herself...

But the thing about being on a diet is that, very occasionally, many people will still have a special treat to keep their morale up. In the absence of any clear communication, he could have thought that this was one of those occasions.

It's not like admitting that you're an alcoholic, and so you must obviously NEVER have any booze again; choosing to generally eat a better diet doesn't mean that you can't still push the boat out every now and again.

@householddog I have a lot of sympathy for your pain from endometriosis, one of my sisters has this and so know it’s very difficult. She is in her 60s now but tried to get pregnant for decades without success.

I have been married for 30 years to the kindest man, he has been a great husband. I have told him since we met that my favourite flowers are a bunch of tulips, or really any single flower in a bunch, supermarkets often have this in buckets. I don’t like the big fancy mixed flower bouquet florists do. Every time he buys me flowers he clears out the local florists, it’s a massive bunch with 10 different exotic flowers, it takes 4 or 5 vases to accommodate them. I just roll with it now. My point is this is a small thing and easily solved, as everyone is saying be very specific (stop with the surprise me stuff) and then say thank you. He clearly means well.

A favourite magazine
A melon
Some nice bubble bath
Some flowers

Etc

Men are unusually hopeless at figuring out the things we want from the shops without a definite list

So this is your fault @householddog
🤣

You cannot expect your husband to read your mind. I've been married for 45 years and I wouldn't take a chance on my DH managing to bring home bread and milk without a written list and even with a list he'd forget the milk.

And as for "Etc" - in my experience, men don't understand "Etc".

This thread has to be peak Mumsnet: a man fulfils the brief that he's been given when doing a woman a favour, in the way that most people would; and he's still wrong/stupid/bad/useless!