To think my husband is being unreasonable

[householddog]

im on a diet since having a baby 9 months ago I wouldn’t really call it a diet just cutting out rubbish and making healthier choices. Last month my husband asked if I wanted anything from the shop. I said yes grab me something nice he came back with chocolate and crisps galore. I thanked him but said I couldn’t eat any of this as I’m eating healthy. He then said well what could he have got me and I said my favourite magazine a melon some nice bubble bath some flowers etc. I’ve done so well to loose some weight so far I’m not huge but the biggest I’ve ever been and since having the baby I had resorted to sugar to keep me going and relying on snacks for fuel. Today he text me while I was in the middle of dealing with the baby and preparing dinner to ask if I want anything so I text back saying yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me. I had to rush off as baby was crying and then left my phone up stairs so couldn’t say what I wanted. Hes come back with chocolate galore again profiteroles Pringles and sweets. I said I can’t eat any of that but that I appreciate the thought. I’ve had a hard day with the baby I’m also in a lot of pain with my period on codine and taking morphine when he’s home to keep an eye on the baby. I just wanted a nice treat and he’s done it again. He also randomly brings home junk and offers it to me and I say no. I haven’t fully restrained myself I had some cake at my mums birthday I also had some pudding when out just us too for our anniversary. But I’ve made it very clear that I’m being really determined at home. He says I’m being unreasonable and how was he to know as I didn’t say what I wanted

Next time say yes please can you get me a Diet Coke (one suggestion, which I know is unhealthy but it’s near the snack food and it’s 0 calories) or some chewing gum or can you just get me some fruit? Melon or strawberries if they have them.
He might stop asking which would be worse!
Im stressed out at the moment and live with my son and the lodger. I’m always gutted if my son comes home from the shop and hasn’t picked me up anything because I haven’t got the energy/ time to pop back out.

Period pain is horrible. Sympathy.
When you're feeling better why not text him a list of things you'd like as treats that he can select from when he wants to? Then he'd have it to hand. I'd usually assume dh wants chocolate or similar if he asked for something nice but would appreciate some options if he had something else in mind.

I've come home in two instances with oramorph when it's landed me in A&E needing an iron transfusion.

I'm assuming that it has been prescribed by her GP because you can't get it over the counter. Maybe she has dysmenorrhea.

I admit I should have told him exactly what I wanted but I didn’t that’s on me. The fact being for the last 3 months I’ve not brought any rubbish told him repeatedly mentioned every other day atleast that I can’t have any chocolate or no I won’t eat the ice cream I’m on a diet. I buy myself treats from the shop when we both get paid and he knows what I get and like as we’ve only just spoken about it. It just makes me think he doesn’t listen.

If this was the first time then I'd gently say this is you over reacting as most people when they hear the word "treat" think chocolates/snacks etc and basically food related EVEN if you are clearly on a diet. Given you've had this specific conversation then I think he needs to take a bit of the blame but I'd probably chalk it up as a miscommunication and make it very clear that when you say "treat" you specifically mean NOT food related then give each other a hug and forget about it.
I'd also tbh if you are struggling with your period and in pain have a bit of chocolate! I've a chronic condition that also requires daily morphine and sometimes only chocolate will help 😋 you can be good again tomorrow x

Is he trying to sabotage your diet? What are his diet and weight like?

I'd be cross too OP. You have previously explained what you'd like instead of unhealthy food, which will un do all your hard work. Also, it's OK to have small treats on your terms, when you decide to as that won't derail your diet. Very dark chocolate is lower in fat/sugar but hits the chocolate spot, especially when your hormones demand chocolate. Long walks with the pram are what kept me sane and trim when I had my two babs. Hope you feel better soon.

@beetr00it is for me I only take it for 1 - 2 dosage for max 2 days a month and only when I desperately need it my endometriosis has me passing out and being sick from the pain so the morphine stops that happening and allows me to function just enough to look after the baby

If my husband came back from the grocery store with treats like bubble bath I hit him round the chops with it..and I follow slimming world 😂

THIS! Fucks sake OP, he’s not a mind reader 🤣

😂😂😂 I’m glad I’m not the only one. Strawberries… maybe? But melon??

Not that unreasonable if her partner knows what she would want when on a diet. My partner knows I don't like sweets and bought cake so brings me things like mangos or a nice yoghurt. Spell it out better OP. Though popping to the shop doesn't mean expensive bunches of flowers normally.

Yabu

I know he should know, but he's your chosen life partner, the father of your baby. You can focus on the bit he got wrong and being cross on top of being exhausted and in pain, or you can try to improve the bit he got right (buying you a treat). Other people are annoying, especially the ones we're closest to, but you can make a difference here by giving feedback kindly, clearly and in writing. Do it with love and feel better.

How can you possibly know that when all he's done is bring something that most people would think fits perfectly with the very vague request for 'something nice'?

She does clearly eat 'naughty' treat foods sometimes, so how is he to know that she hasn't decided that this is one of those times? I'm sure he trusts that she knows her own mind; and it isn't like she's a strict lifelong vegan and he's suddenly brought her a fillet steak.

If she had been wanting a special treat of chocolate, crisps, sweets or whatever, having figured that it had been a really challenging day and she 'needed' something indulgent... can you imagine the responses on here if he came back with a packet of celery or a bottle of handwash as 'something nice' for her? He'd be painted as the most dreadful, horrid, clueless, controlling bastard ever.

You text your mum. You’re sad in pain bring me a treat mum. She bring a water melon and take that 🤣

or she brings a hot water bottle a chocolate bar and a share bag of (favourite crisps)

I know what I pick.

I’m often on a diet and would go nuts if I asked for “something nice” from the shop and got melon.

BUT he should buy you flowers if that’s important to you!

It takes as much time to type “ remember I’m off junk food but flowers and fruit please” as “yes please a treat would be lovely surprise me”

Your doctor prescribes morphine?

Sorry you are having a tough time, @householddog .

There is a difference between being witless and being deliberately sabotaging.

I think lots of husbands can be a bit witless at times. (Whereas all wives are perfection 😉).

So now you know, he wants to treat you - which is nice - but you have to be massively clear with him.

Take a deep breath, and let it go.

@householddog @TomatoSandwiches

god, that's horrific for you both.

Hands up to my ignorance to your pain, many apologies. 😞

Yes he does otherwise I would end up in a and e after passing out screaming I actually found contractions from having a baby easier to manage than my period

agree
most people would interpret a treat as something nice to eat, even more so if the person was calling from a food shop!
why didn't you learn from the first time?
How hard would it have been to say 'yes please get me something nice but not food related,' or 'yes please get me some of the low calorie icecream or a nice magazine,' or whatever.

"AIBU to be annoyed my husband isn't psychic?"

Not really.

A "treat" for someone on a diet would be a one off chocolate bar or something, so he probably thought he was being nice.

@householddog just be specific next time with what you wan.

Ask for something healthy next time