To think there’s a real crisis in men being able to express how they truly feel about life and society?

[TheGentleSwan]

It feels like, in the West, men are struggling to be honest about their emotions, their frustrations, and how they view the world. Whether it’s societal pressure, fear of judgement, or just a lack of spaces to talk openly, it seems like many men keep things bottled up. AIBU to think this is a real issue?

When I was suicidal I thought that if I told anyone, they’d take my children away.

Maybe we should have popped out to brunch with girlfriends to chat about it. That’s all it takes for women apparently

on a serious note I’m sorry things got that bad for you and I hope they’re better now ❤️

Thank you, and you too.

And yet we had to study Lord of the Flies at school in the 80s and there isnt one female character in it. Pissed me off but we had to suck it up.

What are men saying that you think isn't being listened to/liked?

This did make me laugh 😂

Re. dating This is how entitled some of them are Despite this poster stating in her dating profile that she does not date people with children, he hid the fact that he has a child hoping she would "fall for him" first.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4722491-he-has-a-son

Agree with this.

I’ll also add when women do talk about issues, it’s not taken as seriously; women’s health and crimes against women being prime examples.

I often wonder if the reason there is more concern over men is because they are more of a danger to everyone including other men than women are when they’re angry, feeling sad/isolated, and hard done by whether they realistically are or not.

It's helpful to have some evidence that the problem is what it's purported to be.

Are you joking? Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 30. This is a known fact - what more evidence do you need?

For me personally, I want to know what I can do to ensure that none of the amazing men in my life become a statistic. I'm glad someone has started a thread to discuss it.

Respectfully, that's you. In the main, women are more likely to discuss things than men are...

Because it's largely irrelevant.

I mean, are we seriously getting into a debate about what 'kinds' of men are taking their own lives and passing judgement on whether some are 'any great loss'? Sorry but that's utterly vile rhetoric that I'm not getting involved with.

I'm just interested what we can do to stop men (the focus of this thread!) killing themselves.

It’s me and the majority of women I know.

I've already posted about male suicide a page or so ago, so I'm not going to repeat myself. Suffice to say, I do not accept male suicide stats as evidence of a crisis of good men enable to express their feelings, and actually consider it disrespectful to women bereaved by suicide.
So, yes please, I do want more evidence. Evidence that men do not have a platform upon which to express their feelings, and that this is causing a crisis situation.
Then, like you, id like to know what we're supposed to be doing about it that we're not already.

I agree with 5128gap

So much has been done in the attempt to lower the suicide rates in men and to encourage them to talk about their feelings.

Men's MH has been a huge focus for years. In my area alone, there are male only support groups, male only psycoeducation groups such as emotions for men, social groups like football, male only walking groups, cinema outings and so on. Then we have men sheds. There are also hubs where men can go to talk in a crisis as well as the crisis phone lines and a program with intense support for men who are suicidal.

We do have a MH crisis on our hands, but it includes women and young people too. In my experience, when men of a certain age are suicidal the risk is taken very seriously by the professionals around them (if they are involved of course).

My husband has severe mental health problems and almost ended up in hospital due to his high risk of completing suicide recently. If god forbid, he becomes a 'statistic', it won't be because he didn't have the space and opportunities to talk, or the inability to express himself.

Well the first thing you could do is educate yourself on the risk factors. Which are poorly treated clinical mental illness, drug and alcohol use, financial difficulties, and, in later life, there an increased risk for men who are lonely and isolated. Then, once armed with the facts, and free from the myths like they just need an opportunity to express themselves, you could get cracking on things that might make a difference. Research MH services in your area. If they're poor, lobby your MP. Look at campaigns aimed at education around drugs and alcohol. Donate to charities offering support for people in debt, such as Step Change or Citizens Advice. Join a befriending service run by Age UK. If you want to help individual men directly, volunteer for the Samaritans, MIND or one if the many drug, alcohol or gambling support charities.

I would think a leading cause of male suicide is the end of a relationship and losing access to their kids. My brother recently lost a friend of his to suicide-I had never met him, didn't know anything about him but when my brother started telling me what happened I could already take a wild guess-his ex had left him and took his kids. And of course that's what had happened.

We could go back to having sex with them whenever they want to and live a life we do not want to with them so they are served and treated like man children?

That would work as that is what they are pissed at. Mediocre men are annoyed they are not entitled to a woman as was promised in the past to mediocre men. They are annoyed their promised entitlement hasn't appeared.

Please link me to your campaign I will gladly share it on my social media.

I don't think we have a mental health crisis. I think we have an issue with society. We have created a society where it is phenomenally expensive to live day to day, where we are bullied, oppressed, controlled, worked like dogs, shown perfect lives on social media which is impacting on our less than perfect lives. We have an NHS crisis so people are living without treatment for routine things making life unbearable, we have a school system which pressures kids too much, We have people living with sexual assault, DV, coercion, discrimination etc. Living in a society like that and we wonder why people display signs of distress? I do not think that isn't mental health, that is a normal response to a fucked up world that we have created and live in and in which people want to escape.

The end of a relationship is a major risk factor in men ending their lives for sure. We take that risk very seriously.

It is not often women keep kids from men. Some do but it isn't common for no reason. Usually it is because of abuse which is the right thing to do. Usually men who are abusers claim they have been kept from their kids to paint her as the perpetrator. The other main reason it is claimed is because telling your mates you've left your kids and not bothered with them isn't going to go down well so saying you cannot see them paints you out then not to be the issue.

The reason we believe it is common for women to stop men seeing their kids is because abusers will say that often as abuse is common and protecting kids is common and abusers like to play DARVO.

So was he the victim or was he the perpetrator and she was about to squeal. Who knows? It could be either.

I can't disagree with any of that.

And this is why I believe labelling people who react to such environments as being abnormal and broken is an issue. They are not broken or abnormal they are reacting normally. We need to stop using stigma and stop the labels and stop saying it is their fault as that is what we are doing when we are saying it isn't the environment you are in it is a problem with your brain so they carry on in the same environment exposed to the same harms as before all while being told your brain is the problem and you are abnormal and need to change.

Definitely-she must've had valid reasons.

I once spoke to the most unbelievably stubborn guy online-not an abuser I don't think but didn't really have much to do with his kids who were teens, but would tell everyone how he loved and missed his kids. He kept saying how they didn't care about him or make any effort. He was very depressed because of this. I literally had to remind him he was the parent and maybe he could actually try reaching out to his teenage kids. And that they're probably thinking he doesn't care about them. Nope-wasn't having any of it, would rather wallow about how no one cares about HIM. Absolutely infuriating.

Of course they do. Don't you know us women are here just to be walking therapy units?