AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

Whenever one of my 2 daughters gets an invite I always message the parent and ask if it’s ok to bring her sister. They are a year apart and getting childcare for one is quite hard. I always offer to pay for the sibling. I would never just turn up at a party with them both and let them join in without asking the parent first.

Of course YANBU.
People who do that are very entitled.
It's almost like invites need to have a disclaimer on them.

I think even asking if the siblings can come is cheeky. Puts the party parent in an awkward position as what it loads did that? They’re going to feel they have to say yes.

You always ask? Why?

Wholeheartedly agree.
In some cases it might be an invite to more than one child in a family, if you're friends outside of school for example, but then all the children invited would be named on the invite to start with.

Yes it’s really rude to just bring them, and I awful letting them eat the party food and take a party bag without the host saying they can. I understand childcare issues but people should the host first and if the answer is no then it’s no.

Presumably because she's a single parent without support and it's a case of either take both or the invited child doesn't get to go. That's certainly my situation. I hate asking but not sure what else I'm supposed to do!

Exactly this. That’s the reason I ask.
when my dds have parties I’ve had a few parents ask if bringing a sibling is ok and I don’t mind at all

If both siblings were invited then both names would be on the invite. Once the child is school age the parent doesn't normally have to hang around, so no need for childcare for sibling.
'Mikey is off to Jimmy's party now, shall we get some ice-cream/go for a walk/go choose some snacks/etc/etc while we wait for him?'.
If everyone took a sibling then party numbers double!

It's crazy, isn't it? It would be a bit like shops having to put up signs telling people that they must pay the price on the shelf in order to take the item - and informing them that they aren't entitled to just pick stuff up and walk away with it free!

Some people are just like this in life: every issue or desire that they have is always up to somebody else to resolve for them - and they don't even demand it in advance, but simply act as though it's a given.

Some adults really do behave like toddlers: automatically doing whatever they want unless somebody steps in and actively stops them from doing it.

Generally, most parties I’ve been to are at soft play and the sort of gentleman’s agreement is that you pay for the siblings entry and then they go up with the others and do eat but don’t get a cake or party bag although there’s generally cake left over.

My kids are currently both in the same class at nursery so it doesn't feel like a huge reach at the moment. I'm aware it'll probably change when the older one starts school in September. Can't wait for the drop and run age!

Agree - really bad manners to do this.

In many cases, this can only cause more of a headache for the host and it’s very rude to put them in a position where the onus is on them to say yes, or try to justify politely why it isn’t possible. The likely answer is that they just don’t want to be paying for extra kids when they already have 30 children in their house/ soft play, or sourcing different aged party bags for a whole host of kids they don’t know, and who not even the birthday child knows. Who would want a lot of strangers at their birthday party? Even parties at home often have an entertainer of some kind who charges more if there are, for example, more than 25 children.

If that means your child can’t make it, then that’s unfortunate but in many cases, unless your kids are close friends, it is frankly going to be a preferable outcome for the host.

Yes it is, but there are clearly people out there who do it, as happened to me at a few parties i did

That’s fair enough if the party is at someone’s house and a small number of kids but otherwise you could easily end up with a bunch of kids in a soft play or village hall (most common types of parties) you don’t really know charging round unsupervised. DS is four and not quite school age so maybe it will change but parents have always stayed at the parties I’ve been to.

If they're in the same class then I'd probably invite neither or both, depending on party size/how close my child was to either of yours. In that scenario I wouldn't invite just one of them.

Once they're at school most parents don't tend to stay.

Why can’t you just drop off and go? Assume your child is too young to stay, but as soon as they are old enough to be dropped assume you’ll stop asking. It is quite rude to even ask, and many places have a max numbers policy. I’d imagine that other parents might feel annoyed a sibling was invited and their child’s sibling wasn’t. It is rude to ask if your child is old enough to be dropped off.

You ask whether you can leave the invited child, as you have no childcare for their siblings. Then the host gets to offer, if that’s convenient for them.

It really wound me up the first time it happened, as I’d made a lot of prep- counted seats, bags, layers in the pass the parcel etc.

I learned not to try so hard, that people would fail to turn up and others would come without having RSVPd

I've had a mum do this. I was charged extra for the child she said she 'sneaked in' to the soft play venue!

I expect there will be siblings at parties for little kids. They might get some cake or party bags if left over. Same kid above cried when she didn't get one.

It's even worse when the siblings are significantly older or younger than the invited child - it really changes the planned dynamic of the party.

All of the parties they have been invited to have been soft play. I don’t think that is wrong or cheeky asking. I always pay for the other child to attend. They’ve never had an invite to a party where it’s drop and leave or I would do this and not ask for the other to attend. They are only 5 and 6 so maybe when they are a bit older that will
bs an option

I think unless it's a non-exclusive public venue and the sibling has been paid for then it's cheeky behaviour.

The only people who have done this for my dcs parties have had no childcare or child with additional needs. They never ask for cake or party bags either. I don't have a problem with it & think it's fine to ask.

There are three parents in DC's class who do this, only one of them asks. One of them brought their older DC, who just started senior school to a soft play party. He gets himself across London and back on public transport five times a week, but apparently couldn't be left at home for two hours.
It's so annoying because as a host you know that it's really unkind to leave a child standing there with no food, so you have to let them join in, but it means you basically have to over-cater every time.
We're the sort of parent group who look out for each others kids while they play out and so on, so I think it would be more polite to ask if they can drop and run, if they can't get childcare.