AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

I’m not sure by what you mean telling me to get over it. It is extremely rude to take a sibling to a party

The very people who need an education in manners are the one’s who won’t be told.
”Get over it” as they bulldoze their way in wherever they fancy 😂
Other people only indulge this fuckery so far, though.

Their kids end up welcome nowhere, rather than everywhere as they fondly imagine.

The things people will get worked up about; with our kids' parties we've always just done a bit more food and a few more party bags than the number of kids we know to be turning up just in case a few do bring siblings. It's not like we're feeding them caviar and sending them home with Cartier watches, and having a few extra kids larking about on a bouncy castle or whatever makes no difference to the 'dynamic' of the event at all, the more the merrier so far as we're concerned. I'm pretty sure others in our friendship group take the same approach too; maybe there's just something in the water round here.

And yet there are still plenty of us happily incorporating siblings into village hall parties and considering the siblings that have been brought and paid separately at the parties we've hosted to be not even noticeable as any kind of inconvenience.

But we must be lying or unfathomably stupid when we say we don't mind in the least.

It's the not asking that I find rude. I wouldn't dream of just turning up with a sibling without prior warning. But I was brought up with very good manners 😁
(talking about non-public spaces here).

Agree - we’ve hosted plenty of village hall type parties and I genuinely don’t mind if parents bring siblings along. When it’s the kind of event that you’re not paying per head, it really makes no difference to me.

I agree with you so why are you telling me to get over it?

Nope, the parents don’t stay. My kids are older now but I always did this . I always invited siblings and still do as it can make it easier on the parents . Of course if it’s at a big expense financially say something but if it isnt 🤷‍♀️

It sucks for the child who wanted a play date with their friend and is now stuck with a sibling in tow though.

Why ? My children were happy out with it , they love having lots of kids over. They actually ask! If they didn’t I would respect and listen and they have plenty of play dates with just one friend. Also they have each other so are used to having kids around them, ultimately the vast majority of children want to just hang around and play with other kids anyway 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, it’s really bad form
I’ve had a few people do this at my kids parties.

I only ever ask if my other child can come if I literally have no childcare. I always make a point of saying they won’t need feeding or anything as I’ll bring my own food.

I once messaged a Mum and asked if I could bring my youngest along to a party (she was 3). The Mum said no as she was worried numbers were too high. I was a bit taken aback initially, but then I thought no, fair play to her. I asked and she gave an honest answer. Can’t expect more than that!

I thought @Caravaggiouch meant that the invited child might be annoyed at having to lug a younger sibling along rather than just getting time with their friend.

I'm raising three under ten totally alone so it can be hard when it's just one invited to a party.

Up until this year, I've always rented a party place with a 50 person cap for a flat fee so we can invite everyone - parents, siblings, etc - and then I just pay for the extra food.

Then when we get invites I always ask about sibs in an either/or way to avoid pressure: "Hi! Invited Kid would love to come! Thanks so much! I just wanted to check, would it be better if I drooped Not Invited Kids off for a playdate with their cousins or bring them? Either way works for us! Thanks again!"

When there's a cap on invites, like at my son's last party, parents asked if they could bring sibs and just cover the extra cost themselves which was totally fine, I just made sure to get enough food because they'd do the same for me and I really appreciate it. It's hard when the kids are littler and parents have to stay rather than just drop them off and then pick the kid up at the end of the party.

I had no childcare when mine were little, absolutely none, still don't, but they are old enough to not need constant supervision these days!

If it was a parent I knew well, id ask if I could pay for sibling to attend the soft play. Otherwise I'd decline as no childcare for sibling, honestly a lot of the time the parent would say it was fine to bring them along.

When they were younger it was a lot of soft play whole class parties. Unfortunately they were pretty clingy as little kids and a drop and leave would have resulted in a meltdown.

Honestly my heart would sink when I got a birthday invitation, because it meant either saying no and one of them missing out or (if I knew the parent a bit) being a CF and asking if sibling could come, and I'm really really not a CF type of person.

If either way really does work for you there’s no real reason to ask if your child’s siblings can go, is there?