AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

Fine if that's the case, but I'd not bring a sibling along expect them to be fed.

My 2 don't even go to each others parties as ds is 11 and dd is 5, she can't go to his laser tag type parties and ds would hate to be with 30 5 year old kids 🤷‍♀️

They would feel obliged to say yes and not have their name slandered by greedy entitled mums. Single mums i can understand, if there are two of you leave the others at home!!!

This is exactly what we started doing. That way only the invited child could come in, parent was forced to pay for sibling. I would make it very clear to the play centre staff that if anyone says ‘my child should be on that list’ they don’t listen to that and insist they pay.

I think the only way to ask for siblings to come is if you say ‘Im sorry, I haven’t got childcare, happy to drop off x if that’s easier but if parents need to stay I’ll need to bring sibling, obviously they’re not part of the party but I haven’t got any other childcare’

Because it's an open venue. I'm paying for her. Anyone can go if they pay on the door. She enjoys softplay. Why should she stay home while her brother enjoys himself. It's not a private party. She's not in the party room. She's no different from any other child going in the softplay that day who aren't part of the party. She's not bothering anyone at all. We don't do that for village hall parties or limited number parties. Just one parent goes with invited child.

This exactly!

If they wanted siblings at the party, they would say so. Don’t put them on the spot.

It depends on the party. Cinema or church hall party where you book the room fine just don't expect a party bag. Soft play or something that costs per head I say ' really sorry but numbers are limited. If you want to bring them in a private capacity that's perfectly fine but if you can please supervise so they stay out of the party room that would be amazing'.

It’s quite cheeky to ask unless you are close with the hosting family, and it’s extremely rude to turn up with additional uninvited siblings.

If I wanted to invite Olivia’s sibling the invitation would be addressed to Olivia, Tom and Maisie. But it wasn’t.

I’ve had to turn down parties or make reciprocal arrangements with other parents that they take my child and I’ll take theirs next time if I can’t sort the other two out.

Children deserve to have things that are just for themselves, and not always have their brothers and sisters in tow.

@Tagyoureit to be honest I was wondering if that was what people were envisioning. Because obviously if it’s a cinema visit or a laser tag party or a very select number of children that’s different. But I’d say 95% of the parties we’ve been to have been soft play and the venue has been open to the public as well as the party guests so it’s really no different to happening to be at a big soft play when there’s a party, and it’s so normal and accepted. It isn’t just that some parents are on their own, it’s simply that it’s a nice activity for them both.

Although my DS did once join, uninvited, a party - I’m still not totally sure if it was a genuine error as the birthday boy had the same first name as one of his friends or he was chancing his arm a bit but he sat down and sang happy birthday with great gusto to the kid and was given a party bag and cake … which I did return when he came to me very pleased with himself

I honestly don't mind when people ask me. It's my DD's birthday soon and I've just presumed when doing the invites that some of her friends' parents will ask to bring other DC. Maybe it's because it's really common here - almost all my DD's friends' parties I've been to have some siblings too. Just turning up with them though is really bad manners.

Do you know in advance that the soft play hasn’t been hired for exclusive use? I’ve done this a few times with a limit on numbers and parents have brought siblings without mentioning it and then also expected food. It’s rude.

And don't forget the obligatory 40-50 parents as in those imaginary cases often more than one parent is welcome to stay. So about 150 people in a village hall or soft play. I'm sure it happens all the time.

That isn’t true here. Drop and go isn’t until Year 2. In Reception and Year 1 parents stay.

And if it doesn't and only "some siblings," the why are Mary's sisters and brothers staying but Mabel's aren't .

I check with the venue. They're normally mornings or early afternoons. The private parties are normally the later ones where parents pay more for exclusive access. I'd only take her if I knew it was open to the public at that time.

When my children were little and my DH was travelling a lot I did this. I just asked another parent (who I knew well enough to ask and would be happy to reciprocate for) if they would supervise my child for the party. I use the phrase ‘supervise’ lightly as I seem to recall is parents all used to just chat whilst the party was on as we were only there just in case we were needed.

We invite siblings that we know anyway, and where the numbers don’t matter I’ve been happy to accept others that have asked (only happened twice). If it’s one with limited numbers I say so on the invite.

I’ve never had an uninvited sibling before and never been to a party where this has happened either. It’s something that only seems to happen on mumsnet! But yes I would say it is rude.

I’m hoping though that this year is my last time hosting a big party and we can move on to small group activities- fingers crossed!!

Yes I do pay!

I put on the invites - sorry but no opportunity to bring siblings

I think on threads like this it's often people who have never hosted parties for their kids own friends or* *haven't hosted for about 20 years or more and don't realise how things have changed from small parties when typically kids were dropped off to a birthday party across the road, no parents of course staying, and only a small number of parented rather than gentle-parented children who knew how to behave were attending.

Even cheekier.
I was at an inflatable place party last week- you had to select the number of children going on the rsvp and a meal. Also select the number of adults as food would be prepared for them too.
parents had booked exclusive access to the venue.
1 parent in the glass rvsped for 4 children and 2 adults then didn’t show up!

Some of the dads munched on the extra meals!

It's rude to ask and rude to just turn up with them.
Had a party years ago for my son. One child who was invited had 4 siblings. Mum turned up with all 5 kids....then disappeared when I wasn't looking and left them all! The youngest was still in nappies! Several of us tried unsuccessfully to contact her, she turned up 10 minutes after the party had finished, then was annoyed that her other 4 kids were upset because they didn't get a party bag...
We had words.....

Or drop the invited child off and do something with the other child.

There’s been quite a few posts on here about this very thing.
If the sibling isn’t invited then they don’t go. The birthday child should have the party they want with their friends not siblings of friends. This would mean age differences and a different dynamic. Cheeky fuckery at it’s entitled worst for me.

Good for you, glad somebody has stood up to it.

Out of interest, where was this party?