AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

I agree it’s rude and have never done this. I avoid taking DC to each other’s friends parties because I think it’s important they have separate social lives and understand they don’t always have to do the same thing, and to have some independence. I remember being a massive pain when I’d tag along to my older sisters friends parties and can understand how annoying and embarrassing it was for them to essentially babysit me instead of enjoying the party with their friends. I have been asked by parents if a sibling can join and sometimes say yes, sometimes say no depending on DC preferences, venue, age of the sibling, budget etc. I always appreciate and respect a parent for asking first, rather than just assuming.

When my children were a lot younger we tended to do village hall parties with no limit on guests and I would invite siblings of my children’s friends as I know it’s just easier to manage. Not they’re older primary school age we tend to do things like climbing, soft play where parents can drop
and run. They can of course pay for siblings to use the facilities. I’d always share left over food with siblings if they’re around too.

CF sometimes try this.
They are told absolutely not the door.

Infact some might write it on the invite so it is crystal clear.

Very rude to bring an extra child.

I've noticed there aren't as many class parties these days but I never put it down to the sibling thing. More cost of living making parties prohibitively expensive for some people and parents being busier as more people need to work more these days.

I always did a couple of extra bags if I had stuff left over. If no sibs turned up I'd give them to parents when I knew there was a sibling at home.

Anywhere where you are paying admission for example a soft play centre, leave a list of the invitees names that you are paying for at the reception/check in desk and be clear with the staff that those are the only entrants you are paying for. That way anyone else or uninvited siblings will have to be paid for by their parents. The first time we did a soft play party we invited 26 kids. When we went to pay the invoice was for 34 kids with food added on top mean g those extra siblings ha d cost us over £100. - some parents just see it as an afternoon of free entertainment for the siblings. We now always leave a list of names and our soft play has wised up to this too and ask parents to leave a list and check the kids on the list I to the party food room. Any extras not on the list are not permitted until the party parent has been asked. Sounds harsh but no worse than all the cf who take advantage. Nobody has to bring siblings. Just ask if it’s ok to drop and run or ask a friend d to supervise your child. As adults we would t want uni cited guests rocking up to our private party so why should kids have to accept it?

That's a kind thing to do, but any parents who expect this are being a tad entitled imho.

Don't you just drop and go? Assuming they are school ages kids?

Im not a single parent but DH worked Saturdays when most parties where so I had no childcare either. I would also drop and go if I couldn't find childcare for other DC. What if you have more than 2 kids - would you ask for all siblings? Where do you draw the line?

I always try to make sure there's somebody to look after my other DC if we get a party invitation, but on the odd occasion I can't then I would politely ask if it's ok to bring a sibling, and if I do ask, I always say in the same text that I would pay for and feed the other child, and no party bag is expected, etc. When I've had to do this, the parent has been fine with it and they've always given the sibling a party bag too. So when we've had parties I've done the same for any that do ask to bring siblings, just because it's nice.

This is very different to the CFs that just turn up and expect the additional child to be hosted without asking. Where it hasn't been asked, it is rude and annoying, and entitled!

We would go as 2 parents so one with each child. I would get my 8 year old food at the cafe. I'm not leaving her at home if it's an open venue. She enjoys softplay. She plays by herself as she has social difficulties and doesn't go into the party room. For my DSs birthday we had an open venue softplay and I said people could bring siblings if they paid on the door for them. I haven't taken her to any parties where numbers are limited and never expect her to get a party bag.

Why does it? Like I said whenever I have done it I have paid for my child, never would I expect the party child’s parent to pay. She doesn’t join in with the party due to her being very shy and autistic, she just plays alone then I will buy her food there if she wants it.

Link in with another parent whose child has been invited and see if your child can go with them? If it’s a friendship group you must know some other partners at least for some of these parties?

So at my DS’s last soft play party, despite a the invitations clearly stating siblings would need to pay entrance, one Mum stormed up to me very cross about this on the day. I stood my ground and calmly explained that yes, she would need to pay, I’d paid enough. But it ruined it for me, it upset and embarrassed me in front of other parents. Several who witnessed it said they now wouldn’t be doing one after how I was spoken to, they thought it was awful.

Another Mum actually wanted to do a Lush pay per head party for her DD, but told me she didn’t feel she could as ‘what would she do when people turned up with siblings?’ I thought that was such a shame that stopped her doing what her actual child ours like to do.

It's all very well saying that you bring siblings but they don't have food or a party bag, unless there happens to be spare... young kids naturally won't understand why the other kids (including their sibling) can eat and get a gift and they don't.

Also, it's hardly conducive to a fun atmosphere to have other hungry/disappointed (possibly moaning/wailing) children looking on longingly.

You've provided for everybody who was invited and accepted; but somehow it's still you who end up looking like the bad guy.

If you have a class of thirty and all thirty turn up and all thirty have two siblings then yes. But statistically that’s really not very likely.

And they, of course, take your payment - yes? No - unlike you they are too polite and tell you to bring her or him anyway. All other inconvenience and entitlement aside, the birthday child's wish not to have your kid there is clearly less important than your own convenience.
Absolutely not on and so rude.

You really should stop doing that.

But the food is paid for for the invited children. Our local soft play does the food on a plate for the invited children so it's cheeky to assume your uninvited child will be fed party food because you've paid for their entry separately! How bizarre!

Generally I’ve found there’s loads of food going spare at parties; the kids really don’t eat much. Must be excitement.

Ive never assumed @Tagyoureit , just that in my experience there’s been loads of food. At my DS’s third birthday party there was absolutely loads of food going spare and the parents had a good feast as well 😂

Totally rude.

It's a massive piss take. Unless they provide 2 presents (one from each child attending) Which is rarely done. Pure freeloading entitlement.

You and your dh go to parties with the invited child and her uninvited sibling?!
Why can’t the second parent just stay home? This is so unbelievably self absorbed.

If siblings were invited they would be on thr invitation i would think other os very rude to ask as that puts the host in an awkward position and that is unfair

If they say no then what?

If it’s at soft play generally there’s a list of invited children. So you turn up with Sophie and Amelia and Sophie is ticked off the list and you pay for Amelia. No anxious parent frets in the entrance saying ‘oh but you can’t possibly pay for Amelia!’