AIBU - siblings at parties!

[Cat345]

AIBU to think it's outrageous to bring a sibling to a party and then put them on the table to eat with all the kids that were actually invited. Then take cake and party bag for them!? I would never do this but I don't know if I'm being mean about it.

It's cheeky to expect them to be part of the party, such as getting a party bag or food, when they weren't invited. Young kids won't always realise why they're not getting a party bag etc too so party giver feels pressure to include them too.

It's quite rude not to at least ask first. However, we have had a few people turn up with siblings saying they aren't going to join in or whatever and we always say just join in and have some food etc. Because we've never had a party without a couple of last minute cancellations or even no shows, so we've already paid for the extra child. Tbh I find the no shows ruder

Edit to add: we also give party bags as we already made then up for the no shows or cancellations

Yeah it's CF territory, but the reality is most birthday will actually know the siblings and may well play with them regularly.
I recall that at one of the parties I held ( at home) every single invitee turned up with a sibling AND the parents all shot off before I could say "Hang on a minute, I haven't got space for little Johnny"! But I did know all the DC, and it was at home, I did have spare party bags, and redistributed the contents, and the kids did all have a good time.
After that, I made the bold move of reducing the party bag right down to a slice of cake and and a bottle of bubbles, and I think everyone else was relieved because they all started doing the same.

All the class parties I've hosted or been invited to have been either village hall or soft play type ones. Village hall ones siblings are always welcome and pretty much expected but everyone knows they don't eat until the main invitees are done and they don't get party bags.

Softplay siblings also welcome and expected but the parents pay for them seperately

It is cheeky but outrageous is a little strong, just in my opinion there’s no need for people to get angry at the people who do this as they’re generally people who are low in money or there’s some form of an issue

So 90ish -100 kids at each party then? Where in the world are such parties?

Well no from what I've seen they do have issues such as being an entitled tight arse but there is no correlation between affordability and often the less off will be the most considerate and will make arrangements. What you say is almost always done by people who aren't very nice. If you watch their behaviour, you'll see those people are often quite nasty and bullies beyond the surface.
It's really, really rude and poor form. People who don't host themselves and are never generous enough to invite themselves are often the ones spouting how okay it is.

How big are your classes? Class is about 28 kids. Always some who can't make the date so say 24 max. Then a few will bring siblings. Hardly any have more than one sibling and that includes babies so maybe another 6 or 7 extra.

How are you getting to 100?

Same here, that’s why I’m a bit lost with some of the replies to be honest 🤷‍♀️

In which case they'd invite that sibling if they wanted to, it's not up to the guests to decide who the birthday kid has or has not at her own birthday.

Host your own party for 20 or 30 then decide who to invite and make sure you invite all the siblings but somehow I doubt you'll ever do.

I hate it when people do this. It puts the birthday child's parents in such an awkward position.

Yes it’s cheeky. Not a hill I would die on in the world of kids parties though

Copying the reply for you ...
"All the class parties I've hosted or been invited to have been either village hall or soft play type ones. Village hall ones siblings are always welcome and pretty much expected"

Who is that a reply to?

I think you have to judge each party separately. Sports activities where it's a certain number of kids, no way. Village Hall party I probably wouldn't assume but might ask if I was friendly with the parent. Softplay where venue is open anyway to the public, yes I'm bringing my other child and would pay separately for them, but they wouldn't be in the room for food or in the line for a party bag. It's common sense usually. It's difficult because my DS is 5 and at prime whole class party age and gets a lot of invitations. My DD is 8 and autistic and doesn't get invited to parties anymore so if she can go too I jump at the chance as it makes her happy. But I wouldn't assume.

Anyone who asks if siblings can come?

It seemed quite a specific reply though

I have a lot to say about this one!

Personally, one of us takes our invited child, the other does something else with our other child. When either me or my DH has been on our own with both, we ask the host in advance, making it clear we understand if it’s a no to bring the other and pay, we also offer to just drop off our invited child. The problem here is even though my eldest is in Year 1, nobody will drop and go. I would be very happy to host a drop and go or leave mine, but nobody will.

Here it seems to be the norm that parents pay sibling entry if it’s at soft play but they join in with the food (I don’t mind that as there is always far too much food). I did find it rude 2 parents didn’t let me know they were bringing a sibling though.

Funnily enough, my DD has just had her first party with an entertainer (limit 20) in a hall. She made it very clear she explicitly wanted siblings invited, as she knows a lot as they are her older brother’s friends. I went with this, and also as they are only 3 I did prefer parents to stay, so thought fair enough as they may have nobody to look after the other child. 2 single Mums did let me know in advance, they were so polite and really checked if I minded, explained their situation. Actually, 1 who came with all 4 children was amazing, her elder ones were a huge help with the younger ones and she offered to help me clear up after, they were a pleasure to host. For me it’s all about the communication in advance, not just turning up with extra guests.

So there were 16 children at DD’s party, but it did make me wonder when she makes more friends as she gets older how this will be with entertainer limits. It ultimately should be about the child who’s birthday it us surely- would they like siblings as part of the total guest number or not? I feel that’s got lost a bit. My parties as a child were just for my actual friends in my class.

My son’s soft play party cost £250 for 12, it would have been another £100 if I’d had to pay for siblings on the day, so it is unreasonable to expect the host to do that. I would never expect another parent to do that. One actually offered to have cover my DD recently (son’s best friend), as someone couldn’t make it, I wasn’t even planning on taking her so it was a lovely gesture and bonus, but absolutely not expected.

Some parents here have found the sibling/total number issue so awkward that they have opted out of doing parties altogether, which is a shame.

Maybe the quote dropped off, it happens sometimes.

People should ask really. I would never impose another child myself but recognise childcare can be an issue. However, when we do parties we always make provision for few extra.

It’s a tricky one as I understand it isn’t always possible to stay if you have another child. My beef is when they change the party dynamics. At my last DS birthday we had two sibling toddlers who constantly ran around with the party kids then screamed when they accidentally got knocked over. Then screamed again when they were not chosen by the party planners. Then screamed again when cake came out and it wasn’t for them. Parents didn’t have to stay either.

Some parents here have found the sibling/total number issue so awkward that they have opted out of doing parties altogether, which is a shame.
That is a shame. It's never been awkward in my experience. Someone messages and days "thanks for the invitation, I'll need to being [sibling] too, obviously will pay her softplay entry. Hope that's ok" and you reply "of course, no worries". Because it doesnt affect the party at all.

If it's a village hall one it's similar but they will usually say something about don't worry about feeding sibling and the host will point out there's always food left over so it's also no big deal.

It's a really minor issue.

If it was a pay per head activity that's different but they don't tejd to happen here till they are a bit older and as they've got older parents don't stay anyway so it's an issue with a short shelf life.

All the parties DS has been to have been full of siblings. It seems the norm where I live. When DS had a party I made extra food and party bags for them all and it wasn’t a problem.

They’ve all been village hall type parties though - no big, pay-per-person type places.

Why? They would have asked your other kid if they'd wanted her or him there. No invite = you are not invited. No need to ask.
You are earning yourself a CF reputation. Are you prepared to invite their siblings in return or is it only for you as you are so spesh?
Sounds like you should be supervising your 5 year old rather than 8 year old? And making sure the 5 year old plays with friends rather than with the sibling - which is why thr bitthday kid invited her? Thr birthday kid might not want that other kid there, taking away from her playing with her friends. If you ignore the fact you are just crowding the party.
What happens then to the invitee and the uninvited sibling when they go in the party room for food, cake, bags, etc?
Rude, so rude.