Husband masturbating to messages

[Sunsh89]

This is very niche so bear with me.

My husband and I have a ring camera in our bedroom- we use it for security as we have a glass exterior door. I went to check as I had a missing parcel supposedly delivered.

While scrolling through looking for the evri delivery, I noticed DH masturbating. I could see his phone screen and there were messages on there. He intermittently stopped, looked at porn and then continued to message this person throughout.

I spoke with him and he admits it looks weird but says he was just messaging his friendship group chat. I’m struggling to believe this and don’t feel I can move on until he has shown me who he was messaging at that time.

I can’t eat or sleep with the worry of this. I’ve been cheated on before and have really worked hard to overcome the impact it has had on me. Now I feel like I’m right back in it.

AIBU to ask to see who he was messaging?

Get a grip.

@Sunsh89 I am more curious about why he has gone to a bbq and you havent gone with him??? does that happen oftem??

That's right. It will be a camera for ever and ever.

I honestly don't think men are that good at multitasking.

I'm trying to imagine if I myself, obviously as a woman, could do such things.

Baring in mind I'm not that visual so don't really need porn to wank...but even then could I just stop mid way through and type on my phone? About some mundane crap like football or what Gary from IT said in a meeting..?

No. I couldn't. The only way you could wank and text is if the content of the text was sexual and basically facilitating the wank.

It is is cheating. I have had this done to me. Beyond painful. He is lying to you about the messaging. Go through his phone, take pictures of the messages and demand an explanation. If he still does not own upto it and tries to gaslight you over it then leave him. I got more and more depressed to the point where I was suicidal don't let it get to that point. No one deserves this shit and he should be fucking ashamed of himself.

😂

He has got a grip that is the problem!

Nope. None of this. Batshit.

You are not being unreasonable. He knows he has been caught and if you see the message it will defo confirm what you already know in your gut that he is upto no good. I would demand to see the messages and if he does not throw him out.

Good luck @Sunsh89 , does sound like a webcam girl to me or something similar. It's very disappointing that he won't show you the evidence of it being completely innocent. I remember once my husband made a comment to me, implying I'd been up to something, I immediately showed him my WhatsApp to show him the conversation between me and my male mate. It was completely innocent, nothing going on. You DH is being a dick by playing it how he is.

How can you trust him after this? He is taking the fucking piss and taking you for a mug.

Nah he needs to show you. You're not being unreasonable asking that. People who aren't cheating wouldn't even think twice to do this - would they? DP never asks to see my messages but if he did I would hand it right over.

"You need to trust me" is just bullshit gaslighting. Trying to make it seem like its your problem to fix.

Nah fuck that. Doesn't matter the reason if reading a message will put your mind at rest there is 0 reason for him not to show you.

Next line from him I bet is he was discussing a surprise for you or having a moan about relationship stuff ... text book. Don't fall for it.

He won't show you because he wasn't posting on a group chat with his mates. If it was innocent, he would definitely show you. Men who say 'trust me' are normally untrustworthy.

Yes, you definitely should have. Little hypocritical to accuse others of being unintuitive, when it's pretty obvious most people think of ring cameras as external

Boredom/multitasking wanks aren't limited to men. But he should want to reassure you.

Sorry you're going through this op.
People with nothing to hide don't refuse to cooperate. Someone mature who realises particularly the anxieties this would cause you would be sitting down and saying what do you need im an open book.

I would personally have an issue with the pornography but its your relationship so if that's a non issue to you then it's irrelevant but may play a part if he was using ai chatbot to create pornography. Then you have to ask what is it so specific that he can't already see that on the Internet.

Ring doorbells go OUTSIDE ON THE DOOR/FRAME not inside !!!😂

The point being that you can see who is there and speak to them omg 😂😂

He was probably knocking one out while on a video chat room ... it was 'private time' on which you shouldn't intrude, but just depends on whether or not that behaviour fits with your expectations of him/ the relationship.

I don't understand your whole camera set-up, tbh, but never mind)

Get rid of him asap OP . Get your ducks in a row first .
He's nothing but a prick .
He couldn't even wait till he was safe and unobserved to wank . What that is telling me is, he is hooked on it and is taking irresponsible chances just like any other addict.

🤣🤣

Sounds like your OH is a porn addicted wanker!

A traffic jam omg stop 😄 😆 😂

Well... I guess if the urge arises and you're bored .... kills some time I guess

Well it's recording him wanking on the bed. I don't have time to rtht, rather busy, so asked a simple question. 🤷 The OP might end up being shared on cam since she watched him on cam.

You are not being unreasonable you are asking for reassurance and he’s not giving it you. You’ve seen something that is causing you worry why can’t he just put your mind at ease? That said, if you are asking to see his phone all the time or constantly checking up on him then I’d understand his frustration at having to show you his phone. But if this is a one off then absolutely he should just let you check his phone! While your there go into his history and deleted messages - or not as this may open many other cans of worms! As for where you put your cameras that no one’s business! If you want one in the bedroom I see nothing wrong with that it’s kinky - that is unless your partner doesn’t know about it 🤣 Anyway good luck with finding answers it’s the worst feeling in the world but look out for number 1 which is you! Take care xx

He is probably doing exactly this or on a "singles" chat room sexting each other. He may well have no intention of being physically unfaithful but feel like he needs an outlet of some sort. Not saying that is right or wrong just thats how I see it.