Husband masturbating to messages

[Sunsh89]

This is very niche so bear with me.

My husband and I have a ring camera in our bedroom- we use it for security as we have a glass exterior door. I went to check as I had a missing parcel supposedly delivered.

While scrolling through looking for the evri delivery, I noticed DH masturbating. I could see his phone screen and there were messages on there. He intermittently stopped, looked at porn and then continued to message this person throughout.

I spoke with him and he admits it looks weird but says he was just messaging his friendship group chat. I’m struggling to believe this and don’t feel I can move on until he has shown me who he was messaging at that time.

I can’t eat or sleep with the worry of this. I’ve been cheated on before and have really worked hard to overcome the impact it has had on me. Now I feel like I’m right back in it.

AIBU to ask to see who he was messaging?

Why would you need to look for an Evri delivery through a bedroom camera? Is the front door of your house in your bedroom? Also, what previous history is he referring to?

I don’t know how many times I can say it- it’s not pointing at the bed though, it’s pointed at the external door which is by the bed. It’s sat on the only surface we can see the back door from. I am here a lot on my own and the area had a lot of burglars in the new year. He bought the camera, set it up, pays for the subscription and is the one that actually wants it.

I don’t sit flicking through videos of my door for fun. I wasn’t even aware he was at home at the time (he was supposed to be at work), and if I had known he’d been at home I would have just asked had evri knocked the door!

It was impossible to miss the phone and the action. I wish I hadn’t seen it and I will be throwing the camera in the bin.

sexting. 100%. He is a liar.

The front door of the house is for the apartment above. I have my delivery settings to deliver to back door- which is my front.

Previous history is that I was cheated on by an ex. For quite some time. It took a lot of hard work and time on my part to get past it.

...and he knows this and is using your vulnerability.

I think he's lying.

If you know when it was from the ring camera then you can look at his WhatsApp group chat and see if there’s logs of him sending messages at those times.

He can delete messages but he can’t create messages from the past.

I wouldn’t ever look through his phone though… I’ve asked him to just show me the messages from the time on the camera but he’s refusing and saying I need to trust him

Him looking at porn is enough for me to file for divorce. I would not accept that in my marriage. If he had nothing to hide, he'd show you the message. The fact he won't show you the message proves he is cheating and is guilty. I could not move past this at all. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

Could he Have been messaging AI? Rather than another person? Which tbf I'd be mortified about. (Definitely not my kind of thing)

Not sure if I'd consider it cheating if it was an AI chatbot. Not sure how I'd feel tbh. But like you I'd need to know, who, what and why.

If this was my husband he would be handing over his phone and asking me to check to prove his innocence. I’m really sorry but if he’s refusing to show you then it’s probably not good news…

Was he knocking one out on the front step?

I couldn't imagine having a recording camera in the privacy of the bedroom.
Very weird.
Not because I want to pleasure myself but I might want to pick my nose or pluck a nipple stray hair.
Put the camera outside the patio.

So he’s basically trying to guilt trip you into letting this go then.

You have somehow missed the point of the thread. Totally.

I can’t get past the fact the you have a Ring camera that can see your bed. So every time you have sex in your bed it is being picked up on the Ring and stored on Amazon’s servers??? Why isn’t the Ring placed outside covering the outside of the door only?

This

I f the camera is pointing at an external door how does it catch your bed as well? Are you saying your bedroom door is all glass?

I would be 99% certain he was sexting. I don't think he's going to admit it. The next step is to decide what you want to do.

If I'm completely honest I would almost be more turned off by his lack of intelligence in wanking under the eye of a camera he installed himself that you have access to than the sexting itself. But I accept that's a bit of a cynical view. I'm old.

But the point is most people would realise it was odd or impossible for door camera to record your bed/bedroom.

No issue with the porn or masturbation - perfectly normal part of life and never met a guy who didn’t do both (no matter what they claim!).

The messaging is weird, but I guess I’ve answered messages before as well during, erm, private time.

But the refusal to show you those messages…he should be keen to clear up your confusion, not telling you that if you loved and trusted him, you wouldn’t need to see them.

I’m so sorry, OP, but that would be a red line for me.

How is looking at her own ring doorbell video a gross invasion of privacy

I am usually very much one for privacy around my WhatsApp chats etc but I think if my boyfriend caught me messaging while I was, er, doing that particular activity, I would absolutely show him the messages if they were innocent.

it's still weird!

I know how cameras work. I can kind of understand why in a flat you'd have the camera inside instead of outside.

No flipping way would I have my own camera recording my own bed. If you use that back door, the bed cannot be literally against it?

I would move the camera in such a way it doesn't record my bed. And people having sex in it presumably?

It's even grimmer than your husband, who installed it, decided to masturbate in front of it.

Thank you. Seems like lots of people confused by this.

Can I just clarify one final tiem for everyone who is confused- the ring doorbell is pointed towards the door I enter into my house from. Yes it is all glass. The house was split in 2 apartments and I had the downstairs one accessed through this back door. Yes we have to enter through the bedroom. No it would not be my first choice but we rent.

My husband was not supposed to be at home- he was supposed to be at work.

The privacy cover for the camera is generally pulled over as soon as we get into the house. So it’s only recording while we are both out for security purposes- as I say we live in an area which has had lots of burglaries. He obviously forgot to close it when he came in.

It IS NOT pointed at the bed, but takes in a wide view angle of the bed which is beside the door,

it cannot be mounted onto a glass door and due to various logistical reasons, as well as the fact that we rent, we found the only place to put it was on a shelf facing the entrance.

I hope that clarifys this for everyone.