Husband masturbating to messages

[Sunsh89]

This is very niche so bear with me.

My husband and I have a ring camera in our bedroom- we use it for security as we have a glass exterior door. I went to check as I had a missing parcel supposedly delivered.

While scrolling through looking for the evri delivery, I noticed DH masturbating. I could see his phone screen and there were messages on there. He intermittently stopped, looked at porn and then continued to message this person throughout.

I spoke with him and he admits it looks weird but says he was just messaging his friendship group chat. I’m struggling to believe this and don’t feel I can move on until he has shown me who he was messaging at that time.

I can’t eat or sleep with the worry of this. I’ve been cheated on before and have really worked hard to overcome the impact it has had on me. Now I feel like I’m right back in it.

AIBU to ask to see who he was messaging?

If he was telling the truth he would have proved it by showing you the messages he had sent. The fact he won’t just proves he’s hiding something. I don’t think anyone could w#nk whilst messaging mates.

How is it impossible? A camera set up in a room facing a door can still pick up other things in the room, it's not that narrow a lens.

It's quite sick of him not to put your mind at rest imo. It would put the whole thing to bed in minutes. As always, if it was nothing, he would WANT to show you and to protect you from the horrible, invasive thoughts. My partner trusts me 100% and if he ever had a worry, I'd want to reassure him. What harm could come from showing you? What damage can it do if he doesn't? He's choosing not to put your mind at rest, where's the respect and decency from him? Sorry he's put you back in the headspace you're trying to move on from.

Exactly, thank you! Seems everyone pent up on that one aspect. I’ve clarified further in my last post.

Yeah if its someone who youve got no business watching, but i think accidentally catching your husband wanking while messaging someone else, would be something I'd definitely zoom in on.

Its not a secret hidden camera.

Exactly, I would want to clear the air and not have any confusion. Honestly wish I’d never seen it as thought we were really happy.

It's her house, her room and her ring doorbell.

How is that invading his privacy? If he wanted total privacy he should go somewhere without a camera with a door that locks.

You shouldn’t really have a ring camera getting your bed in the shot. Or in the bedroom.

i don’t get why people always suggest men should masturbate in the bathroom? Why?

the only you will know the truth is to see his phone so ask him to show you. Or accept his explanation. But if you don’t trust him then have a look and put your mind at ease.

"If only you'd trust me enough to believe my lies."

If ever we needed a diagram OP, it's now, please.
Not of your husband, of the flat layout and camera placing.

Could it "only" be "Only Fans" and in some way he is intructing someone to do something for him? I think ex H did this.

Tell him you used to trust him, but all of a sudden you dont, because hes been messaging someone and wanking to it, which isnt very trustworthy behaviour. Tell him not to try and bloody reverse this as if its you that's done something wrong , not him.
Id tell him that fine, if theres no trust theres no point, so he can fuck off, since the more he refuses, the more the trust disappears and you can't be arsed with a cheater

It's also his house, his room, his dignity. Why should he have to go anywhere else?

@Sunsh89 ignore people having a go, I don’t think you invaded DH privacy at all. It was the corresponding strange action that made you look. If he were say as one might expect if they were gratifying themself, OP likely would just have dismissed it gone on with her day - she’s an adult and we all do it. However, I’m pretty certain we all would do a double take if we thought something sus was going on at the same time. Your brain and gut is there for a reason!

I agree he’s most likely sexting.
i guess the question is - is it someone he knows IRL or someone he messages online just for this kind of thing?? I have male friends who’ve told me about this - tho usually there’s also a camera involved but they never meet and often it’s a different person each time.

Appreciate you’ve been hurt before so this may also be a red line but I don’t believe any feeling is involved it’s more like interactive porn I guess.

sorry you’re upset @Sunsh89 - it’s tough x

Have you read my previous posts? I’ve clarified that the ring camera privacy cover is pulled over as soon as we get home. He has obviously forgotten. He was not supposed to be home hence I would have just asked him if the delivery had turned up.

It is the only place he could put it without damaging surfaces- it’s a rental- we aren't even allowed to nail a picture up without permission.

I don’t understand why people can’t grasp this concept. It’s an interior ring camera not one of the doorbell ones. It has to go inside we had nowhere outside to put one.

Missing the point but- your bedroom has a GLASS DOOR through which you can see the street (and therefore deliveries)?? And your husband was enjoying some private time where anyone could have seen him through the glass door from the street?? What do you do when you have sex?

Typical mumsnet picking up on minutiae and running with it. If he installed the camera and therefore knows it is there and turned on then he knew it was being recorded.

I hatepeople who gaslight and that is 100%what he is doing. You don't have to haveproof to leave him... Any children @Sunsh89?

Sorry if I’m being thick but I still don’t understand why camera is recording the inside of the flat. Isn’t the whole point that ring doorbells record what’s happening just outside your door? If a parcel can fit through the letterbox then you don’t need it videoed as it’s safe, whereas if a parcel is too big and so is left on the doorstep then that’s when & where you need the camera surely?
Anyway, sorry to hear that you’re feeling stressed by this, OP. I hope he is someone with enough decency to understand that with your previous history of being cheated on you would like to be reassured.

Why is it weird? Some people would find it a turn on

I think you might. And if he was having a filthy chat with someone I suspect attention would be focused on that rather that flipping into porn.

So I'm inclined to believe him.

Either way, checking his phone won't help, he'll have deleted any evidence.

FGS everyone leave the position of the camera and the layout of the flat alone. It is SO irrelevant and irritating.
OF COURSE she was not invading her husbands privacy. She was checking for a parcel being delivered.

Ah I just saw your update explaining that it is an interior one as there’s nowhere to put it outside.
So is the idea that it records what happens outside on your doorstep from the inside, recording through the clear glass door?

The delivery people walk round the side of the house to our entrance at the back and yes it is a glass door!! Why is that so unusual? Do no other houses have glass doors I’m genuinely confused why people are pent up on this?

When we are home we can pull a blind down! And we close the privacy cover on the camera.

I think a lot of you are missing the point.

I really appreciate those of you who have taken the time to reply to the actual question, I think I have my answer sadly.

Bingo!

Didn’t really think people would read so much into the layout or logistics, maybe I should have elaborated further in my initial post.

Please read the OPs posts she explains it clear enough