Husband masturbating to messages

[Sunsh89]

This is very niche so bear with me.

My husband and I have a ring camera in our bedroom- we use it for security as we have a glass exterior door. I went to check as I had a missing parcel supposedly delivered.

While scrolling through looking for the evri delivery, I noticed DH masturbating. I could see his phone screen and there were messages on there. He intermittently stopped, looked at porn and then continued to message this person throughout.

I spoke with him and he admits it looks weird but says he was just messaging his friendship group chat. I’m struggling to believe this and don’t feel I can move on until he has shown me who he was messaging at that time.

I can’t eat or sleep with the worry of this. I’ve been cheated on before and have really worked hard to overcome the impact it has had on me. Now I feel like I’m right back in it.

AIBU to ask to see who he was messaging?

I don't understand how you say this looking at the ring doorbell. How would you see what's on his phone?

Do you know what date and time it happened? Ask him to see the messages?

You don’t carry on messaging the group chat while you’re knocking one out. Trust your gut.

He’s having a wank while messaging a group chat? He must REALLY like his friends!

The ring doorbell is inside our room, pointed at the door. The bed is in shot and I could see his phone screen too…. Not enough to read but enough to see it was a messaging app.

I do know the date and time… I have asked him to see the messages but he says I’m being unreasonable.

Why would anyone want to chat with their friends in the middle of that? Surely messages with friends can wait a few minutes, or if not, it's important enough that you'd stop until another time.

I wouldn't believe him for a minute, I'm afraid.

This is what I said. He admits it looks weird but is refusing to come clean.

Yeah my gut is telling me it’s bad. I’m struggling to get him to admit any wrongdoing though

But surely he knows their is a camera in their.

After seeing your second message, I'd insist or leave him. He knows your history and understands why this will be worrying you. It's in his power to show you, if he was only messaging friends, but he refuses. The only reason for that, in my view, is that he's lying to you. I'm sorry, but I can't see any other explanation.

Yes he does. I never look through it and I suppose he didn’t think about it

I think you’re right. He’s trying to say that if I don’t trust him then what is it worth…. Without trust there’s nothing etc. I feel like I’m being gaslit.

I’m absolutely heartbroken.

Call his bluff. If there’s nothing to hide then he won’t mind showing you he was replying to messages in that group chat. You deserve more OP. Don’t let him throwing a wobbler deter you.

My take on this is, mind your own buisness and leave him some privacy. The man has a bloody camera in his bedroom, he might have been on a chatroom, who knows. How would you feel if you were having private time and he was looking at the camera and questioning you on it.
Masterbation is healthy.

He’s already said no judging from her responses.

It's highly unlikely he was masturbating to a group chat discussing football or work unless he has some kind of weird kink.
He was probably sexting someone.

Either way there's no way to move forward unless he shows you the messages.
The trust has gone.

100% agree with this generally- master action is healthy and we all deserve privacy, however aexting someone is cheating in my book. I didn’t go out looking for this (in fact I wish I’d never seen it) but I can’t ignore it now I have.

Honestly although it looks bad, and it very well might be, I can’t believe you watched that.

What a fucking gross invasion of privacy.

Yeah he is claiming I should trust him and not let previous history impact my current relationship

It’s impossible to look through the history of the camera without passing it by. We both consented to it being there so we can keep an eye on the back door. He is the one that installed it and set it up on our phones. I didn’t intend to see this and I wish I hadn’t.

Nah sorry, you don’t watch it in real time, you flick through it. And the moment you see someone having private time, you bloody bypass it. Not stop and look close enough to see what’s on their phone.

Having a camera pointing at your own bed is weird and grim frankly.

We all know men can't multitask, so there's no way he's chatting to the lads while knocking out a hand-shandy.

I'd be just as angry that he thought I was dumb enough to believe that if I were you.

I'm not sure if it's weirder to have a wank while you're WhatsApping your mates or to watch your other half do it on the Ring doorbell in your... bedroom?

he is absolutely right because you don't trust him and YOU are absolutely right not to. So yes without trust there is nothing and he has forfeited yours.

Bizareness of a camera in the bedroom aside, I don't think it's totally outwith the realm of possibility that he was messaging his mates, I sometimes idly scroll on my phone with my hand in my pants. But the fact that he's adamantly refusing to prove it says it all.