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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 21:49

Why are you cancelling? Go without him!

BeliesBelief · 05/06/2025 21:49

Why can’t you still go with your kids?

lazyarse123 · 05/06/2025 21:50

I echo the pps.

StarDolphins · 05/06/2025 21:50

Can’t you & the children still go? That’s what o would do.

Wanttobeanonhere07 · 05/06/2025 21:51

This is so selfish I’d end it.
Then go away for the weekend on your own with the kids

ohyesido · 05/06/2025 21:51

Go without him!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 05/06/2025 21:52

Don't you dare let him get his way on this! Your kids were looking forward to it so take them.

Rafting2022 · 05/06/2025 21:52

Your poor kids being subject to this arsehole’s whims. Do them a favour, dump him and go on the trip.

BCBird · 05/06/2025 21:52

You go with.your children

Dunnocantthinkofone · 05/06/2025 21:52

Why on earth would you cancel just because he’s thrown a strop?
Go and enjoy some fun with your kids

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 05/06/2025 21:54

Go on your trip

alcoholnightmare · 05/06/2025 21:55

You’re letting your children down here by not going… fuck him!

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:55

We wouldn't be able to go to the existing plans without him, It's hard to elaborate much without it being too outing. It's a perk connected to his job is all I can say.

I'm going to have to think up something else to do with mine 😔

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 05/06/2025 21:55

Yes, go without him. If this relationship is going to continue, you need to be quite clear that you are an independent person, you are not dependent upon him and you aren't going to put up with this crap.

Edited to say crossed with your update. Yes, definitely do something else with your kids.

myplace · 05/06/2025 21:56

As everyone already said, go anyway. Tell your dc that the others can’t come because they’ve had to sort something out at home.

I wouldn’t have fallen out by text because he could have been downplaying a more serious situation, but also might have perked up by tomorrow and decided to come anyway.

Unless he has form for flakiness, I’d worry about them more than be angry with them.

alcoholnightmare · 05/06/2025 21:57

Sorry, @Tulipsdaisywe posted at the same time. As you can’t go without him due to connection to his job, book something else… and ghost him.

staceyflack · 05/06/2025 21:57

See above ad infinitum 🫡

FloofyKat · 05/06/2025 22:00

He sends very selfish. I’d dump him and do something nice with your DC instead.

CotswoldSleuth · 05/06/2025 22:02

I’d book a cheap hotel somewhere close and do room service/days trips whatever is doable with your budget.

I’d also rethink my relationship - He’s let you and your children down, that would be deal breaker for me.

Subbyhubby · 05/06/2025 22:03

Could you go without him?

ohyesido · 05/06/2025 22:15

Well what a selfish wanker. Does he often do this?

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 05/06/2025 22:19

Selfish twat…take your own kids away without him…..it doesn’t have to cost the earth x

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:21

He has cancelled plans before, at my inconvenience, but I'm quite laid back so am happy to rearrange on the odd occasion.

I feel a lot more strongly about him doing it to my DC 😔

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 05/06/2025 22:23

He’s very petulant but agree you should still do something even if it’s just making the most of a day trip without the dog if you can’t afford a hotel.

Definitely worth looking at a cheap hotel though for a fun sleepover or something. Or if the kids are old enough dinner and late cinema?

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:23

I'm going to wait and see what (if anything) he says in the morning before I say anything to anybody about it being cancelled. I'm hoping he wakes up, gives his head a wobble, and says we are going as planned.

I don't think it's likely though, knowing him.

Esp now he'll assume I'll have already told everyone it's off.

OP posts: