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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 06/06/2025 06:50

A day at theme park sounds great. Your kids are going to love it!

Leave him to sulk. He doesn't want a kids weekend because of his DCs attitude so now you crack on and enjoy your day out without him because of his attitude.

Dweetfidilove · 06/06/2025 07:19

So not only has he cancelled the day, he's also opted out of parenting? Nice ☹️.

Mere1 · 06/06/2025 07:19

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 21:49

Why are you cancelling? Go without him!

This

Hibernating80 · 06/06/2025 07:22

You need to be loyal to your kids. Do not go if they can't go, no matter how good the trip is. They will rightly feel punished if you go and they don't. They will remember it forever.

Loopytiles · 06/06/2025 07:22

OP has said the planned location / activities were connected to her boyfriend’s job, so she can’t do the same thing with them.

Clementine183 · 06/06/2025 07:24

From his message I definitely think he meant he still wanted to go away for the weekend, but just the two of you without the kids. So you may need to make it clear this morning that that isn't happening! It's way too late notice as well as being unfair on them obviously. I agree it doesn't bode well for his actions in future.

ChaToilLeam · 06/06/2025 07:27

What a prick he is, letting you down as well as your kids!

I couldn't be bothered with him after this. Selfish twit he is.

forgotmyusername1 · 06/06/2025 07:35

You and your kids go

GabriellaMontez · 06/06/2025 07:42

Find something great to do with your children.

Never contact him again.

Flaky and selfish. Not what you need in a partner. Have a great weekend. Don't let his behaviour drag you down.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/06/2025 07:48

Hibernating80 · 06/06/2025 07:22

You need to be loyal to your kids. Do not go if they can't go, no matter how good the trip is. They will rightly feel punished if you go and they don't. They will remember it forever.

She very clearly said she wouldn’t bin off her kids

Bestfootforward11 · 06/06/2025 07:49

Nope, he’s not being reasonable at all. Selfish all round. If this is behaviour that is being repeated, I think you should consider your options. He can make choices about how he behaves, as can you. I don’t think I’d wait for him to reply. Just sort something else out. On the vague chance he does reply that he’ll now go, unless it’s done in good spirit and recognises he was being an idiot, I’d say ‘thanks for letting me know but we’ve made other plans now’. This kind of nonsense is exhausting and life throws enough things at us and you don’t want to have to also deal with the whim of a grown man.

Todayismyfavouriteday · 06/06/2025 07:49

What a loser. I also read he was expecting you to leave the kids behind and join him in a child-free weekend last minute.

Definitely arrange something nice to do with your children over the weekend. Just say 'he's got to work and can't make the trip, so we are going xx instead.' Your children first, always.

Member968405 · 06/06/2025 07:51

I immediately thought he has lied about access to the perk - or hasn’t prebooked it - or has even lied about the job. Hence the last-minute cancellation for a rubbish reason.

I am a criminal lawyer though so inclined to think the worst!

Separately though - how awful for a parent in his position to say to his children ‘I don’t want to see you because I’m in a mood’. Really harmful,

Todayismyfavouriteday · 06/06/2025 07:53

Also, he's left his own child without a holiday for being 'cheeky'? Father of the year, indeed. You don't want them near your own children.

EdithBond · 06/06/2025 07:55

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 06:05

For those who missed my second post the trip was a perk from his work so not something I could have just taken over myself. I will be doing something else now, I'm not letting him spoil my DC's weekend aswell as his own.

I would put money on this being a total over reaction on his part and highly doubt his DC have done anything deserving of a total cancellation.

He is not getting a chance to do this to my DC again.

Quite right.

YANBU. Always put your kids first.

Always expect a partner worthy of you to put your kids first (as well as his own).

I agree, sounds like he was angling for a weekend away just the two of you.

Sounds like he mainly wants you as his girlfriend, rather than as the mother you actually are. IME happens with men who date lone mothers. Because it’s often why they’ve gone off their original wives - because they moved from girlfriend to mother.

SpryCat · 06/06/2025 08:02

His behaviour shows a total lack of concern for anyone but himself, he thinks he’s entitled to bin off the children because he’s stressed and even asked if you’d do the same for a child free weekend. No regard for his ex, who might have made plans, his kids will be devastated and blame themselves and he thinks it’s acceptable to ask you to do the same! He expects everyone to run around cancelling plans because he’s stressed and wants you to go with him so you can pamper and destress him.

He will cancel birthdays/Christmas celebrations at the drop of a hat because, either one of the kids has played up or you have done something and pissed him off, or even that he feels your not appreciative enough. He likes to be in control and if anyone steps out of line, god forbid! You will all end up walking on eggshells around him!
He might have DC but he’s not a family man, he will expect you to put him first and dump your DC whenever he wants.

He is showing you who he really is, your kids have only known him for 4 months so won’t be that upset if you end the relationship with him.
You and your DC are worth more than putting up with a childish, petulant, controlling man.

Cheersmedears123 · 06/06/2025 08:03

Have you checked how he’s feeling this morning? He could have just felt very fed up last night and now feels better having slept on it. If so you definitely need to find an opportunity to raise how frustrating that was for you.

If he still wants to cancel then he’s being an unreasonable dick.

arcticpandas · 06/06/2025 08:03

He wanted a childfree week-end so found an excuse by saying his dc was cheeky. Not father of the year is he?

Lifelover16 · 06/06/2025 08:10

Sound like he doesn’t care about you or your children. I’d wave him goodbye

BogRollBOGOF · 06/06/2025 08:12

He's selfish and unreliable.

Something that works well for a small family is a Premier Inn in a slightly obscure, businessy location. Rates will probably be good this weekend because we're just past half term. Two children have the breakfast included with an adult which is great value for a family. The great thing about the UK is that you're never far from touristy attractions even in random places.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 06/06/2025 08:13

Cheersmedears123 · 06/06/2025 08:03

Have you checked how he’s feeling this morning? He could have just felt very fed up last night and now feels better having slept on it. If so you definitely need to find an opportunity to raise how frustrating that was for you.

If he still wants to cancel then he’s being an unreasonable dick.

Sod that for a lark.

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 08:16

I have sent him the following message:

"Dropping that on me at 9pm the night before a planned trip is hugely inconsiderate, you haven't even explained what had happened. You fail to realise (or care) that there were three other people looking forward to this break, aside your own children that you are letting down out of spite."

I don't anticipate a response anytime soon.

OP posts:
tigerlily9 · 06/06/2025 08:19

If he can resent caring for his own children when he only gets to be with them 50% of the time, he’s not going to prioritise your kids is he. He is testing you to see if you prioritise him over your children. He wanted you to ditch the kids and join him.
I’m sorry but the relationship is over. If he changed his mind this morning would you go and enjoy the weekend after being messed around or in tenterhooks that everyone has a great time as he’s made a big effort by changing his mind, everyone needs to be soo grateful. Would you ever plan anything with him. Whatever the reason he’s showing you the real him.

Twelftytwo · 06/06/2025 08:20

Ugh selfishness/thoughtlessness is a very unattractive trait.

I'm totally with you - if he'd had a terrible time of it and really apologetically asked/explained if you could change the plans that would be totally different

LottieMary · 06/06/2025 08:22

Yabu to not just go

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