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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 06/06/2025 02:51

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/06/2025 00:08

No prizes for guessing why this Dick's marriage broke down.

He's not the one for you @Tulipsdaisy , there are better out there.

I am happy for his ex that his pathetic parenting is less her problem, presumably she used to have to cover all the times he just didn’t feel like parenting. I think you should find someone else- it’s not just the attitude to you and your kids as irrelevant compared to his wants, it’s the attitude to his own kids. Bleugh.

AnonMJ · 06/06/2025 02:53

In the bin he goes
have a great weekend with your kids

Starlight7080 · 06/06/2025 03:17

Longterm he definitely sounds like a keeper.
Like he will be one of those great step dads. Especially going by how lovely he is to his own children .
Good choice

namechangealerttt · 06/06/2025 03:59

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 23:50

I've read back the messages and noted him saying he would prefer to do "no kids" and I'm now wondering whether he was hoping I would bin off my kids and join him for a kid free weekend. No chance would that be happening.

To be honest this is how I read it, he is dropping a big hint that you could leave your kids behind somewhere. He doesn't want to cancel his own weekend away and punish himself.

Your priorities are so entirely different, you and your kids are a package, they aren't something that can be picked up and dropped off when it suits you, so the hint went over your head.

You do not share the same values so this guy is not a keeper.

Zanatdy · 06/06/2025 04:04

Definitely doesn’t bode well for the future does it? I’d be pretty annoyed too how little thought he gave to the cancellation of plans. I’d be going away with the kids regardless and reconsidering whether I wanted to continue a relationship with someone who had little regard to me or my kids. Don’t disappoint your kids like he has.

SparklyGlitterballs · 06/06/2025 05:38

I would have an extremely low opinion of someone who did this. Not just him expecting you to let down your DC at the last minute, but also him opting out of parenting his own DC on his weekend with them. He's showing you who he is OP. Can't think why his previous relationship failed (sarcasm!) I'd get out now and find someone less selfish.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 05:55

You can jot stay with a man that behaves like this op. None of this is fair on your darling children.

Tell dc something has gone wrong and they can pick anything they would like to do, and give them a weekend to remember! The best weekend.

I would never speak to him again. If you continue this relationship your dc will really suffer.

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 06:02

He is very selfish. Incredibly selfish to hurt and upset your dc like this. I doubt his dc even did much to deserve this, it’s just he can’t be bothered and needs a me weekend.

The relationship is still new, you can bail out now without an issue, I suggest you take your chance. Now you know why he was single in the first place.

Original poster
Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 06:05

For those who missed my second post the trip was a perk from his work so not something I could have just taken over myself. I will be doing something else now, I'm not letting him spoil my DC's weekend aswell as his own.

I would put money on this being a total over reaction on his part and highly doubt his DC have done anything deserving of a total cancellation.

He is not getting a chance to do this to my DC again.

OP posts:
Confuuzed · 06/06/2025 06:12

So you're dumping him then?

Because he will do this again. He doesn't give a shit that he's ruined your kids weekend. Selfish arse.

RealPearlDuck · 06/06/2025 06:13

Go without him!!

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 06/06/2025 06:13

Tulipsdaisy · 06/06/2025 06:05

For those who missed my second post the trip was a perk from his work so not something I could have just taken over myself. I will be doing something else now, I'm not letting him spoil my DC's weekend aswell as his own.

I would put money on this being a total over reaction on his part and highly doubt his DC have done anything deserving of a total cancellation.

He is not getting a chance to do this to my DC again.

I'm glad you are not letting your DC be disappointed, and REALLY happy that you are not going to give him a chance to do this again.

It is so annoying when someone thinks it's okay to torpedo a whole weekend that many are looking forward to doing because they are having a mad-on.

Empress13 · 06/06/2025 06:15

What an inconsiderate arsehole I would just go with the kids and ditch him when you get back this will be your life going forward

Fitasafiddle1 · 06/06/2025 06:19

Good. I am glad you have woken up seeing this for what it is, and his true colours.

He will eventually ruin every single day op if you stay with this toad. Throwing tantrums on Christmas morning, ruining your children’s birthdays, family events, holidays. A life of abject misery and disappointment awaits you and your children as he will never ever put any of you first or care about the impact.

You have a golden opportunity to protect your children from this now. His poor children are saddled with him indefinitely, but yours are not.

I am assuming he only does 50/50 to save himself money and resents it very much by the sounds of it, and the amount of actual parenting he has to do. How awful.

Sadly I am the adult child of a man just like this. My father ruined everything because he couldn’t put anyone else first. He made no effort to parent. Constantly threw tantrums and created arguments out of nowhere. It was a terrible unstable environment to live in. We were constantly let down. Your children will grow to really hate him, as will his, and they will resent you with good reason for bringing him into your otherwise happy lives.

Even if he caves op I wouldn’t go this weekend, you know exactly who he is now. Don’t give him access to harm your children, in the way he is harming his.

pilates · 06/06/2025 06:23

I would be reevaluating the relationship. He sounds cold and selfish.

BonfireToffee · 06/06/2025 06:29

If his selfish tantrum and total lack of consideration for you and your kids (and his own) wasn’t enough to make me say dump him, the fact that he left you on read is. What an arrogant, selfish POS.

I hope you can have a good weekend with your boys, OP, and that losing this horrible man doesn’t sting too much — 16 months is a long time but the rest of your life is far longer. Get him binned x

dottiedodah · 06/06/2025 06:33

You say you are quite laid back. However you can be too soft and asy going. He is taking the piss! You have been dating a little over a year,he has already been flaky on a few occasions and bow this.I .

sesquipedalian · 06/06/2025 06:33

“I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.”

He’s not a keeper, OP, especially not if he has form for this sort of thing. You and your DC deserve better.

GuevarasBeret · 06/06/2025 06:35

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/06/2025 21:49

Why are you cancelling? Go without him!

Totally this!

He is obviously a but volatile. Maybe he’ll be back in track by tonight.

GingerPaste · 06/06/2025 06:36

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:21

He has cancelled plans before, at my inconvenience, but I'm quite laid back so am happy to rearrange on the odd occasion.

I feel a lot more strongly about him doing it to my DC 😔

This guy is going to let you and your kids down when it really matters. You should seriously consider whether to end it (for your kids’ sake, if not yours, you probably should). Ultimately, you can’t rely on him…

Clarabell77 · 06/06/2025 06:43

Looks like you’re finding out why he’s a part time dad in the first place…. Bin.

Soal · 06/06/2025 06:43

Must be nice to be able to just opt out of parenting for a bit when your kids are playing you up, what a lucky boy.

Yeah he sounds hard work OP.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 06/06/2025 06:43

You can’t be in a serious long term relationship with someone who behaves like that when there’s kids involved. No wonder he’s divorced.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/06/2025 06:44

What a thoughtless prick

Starseeking · 06/06/2025 06:48

You say to the children, “Mr X and his children aren’t coming away with us for the weekend anymore”, then you and your children go somewhere else fabulous and enjoy yourselves.

it sounds like he has form for this sort of thing, and you’ve forgiven it because it only impacted you. It’s inconsiderate behaviour, and doesn’t suggest much care for you. Want for yourself what you are angry about for your children; basic respect and courtesy.