Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

[Tulipsdaisy]

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

He’s treating you and your children as if you were inconsequential. You deserve better than that.

I reckon he’s not given this idea a second thought… if he’s not willing to try, he’d be dumped on the spot for me

My thoughts exactly.

Going forward, if we stayed together then every time we make plans I would be wondering whether they'll go ahead or not. I would definitely not feel able to plan anything for my DC that he would be an important part of.

It's 100% right that he's treating me and my DC as inconsequential.

I've read back the messages and noted him saying he would prefer to do "no kids" and I'm now wondering whether he was hoping I would bin off my kids and join him for a kid free weekend. No chance would that be happening.

No prizes for guessing why this Dick's marriage broke down.

He's not the one for you @Tulipsdaisy , there are better out there.

He’s cancelled the weeknd OP. At the drop of a hat. For selfish reasons. Not nice to punish his children like that. And yours. I’d not be giving him a chance to do that again.

I certainly wouldn’t be waitng to see if he’s changed his mind. And I wouldn’t be asking him if he can wangle the weekend just for you and yours.

I would take it at face value and not contact him again, Simply get busy for the weekend with your own children. No need to let him punish them as well.

If he does try to contact you, tell him sorry but you are busy. Or ignore.
He’s not good enough OP. Don’t inflict him on your children.

Well he's not going to win 'Father of the Year' is he? Sees his kids 50% but because one has been a bit cheeky decides he wants a child-free weekend. Punishing his DC by sending them to their grandparents is an insult to both kids and grandparents!

This! Now your being as bad as him OP by not taking your own kids

Tbh, I didnt read it any other way OP. Definitely thought 'no kids' meant not yours either.

If his fuse is that short with his own very young children, he’d have no qualms rolling out the same behaviour with your children, to whom he owes a lot less, should you blend your families in any way.

I agree with this pretty much totally. But there are kids involved who think they are going away for a weekend break, so for that reason only I think it is worth pushing whether you can go on your own with your children. But for this weekend only, then after that, you know what you have to do, sorry.

He’s a selfish nob and doesn’t sound like a good dad.
Dont understand why you’ve decided to cancel. I’d book a caravan or lodge for a couple of nights and go without him.
Also, you can’t ask for a refund off your dog sitter. It isn’t their fault.

My thoughts exactly.

That's just what I thought. Do go without him! You might enjoy it.

Definitely ditch the guy, he has shown his true colours. I feel sorry for his kid but you ..... you are free! Yippee.

Go without him and message him to say that you expect him to catch up later in the morning.
With his children he needs to make up, then get up, dress up, pack up and show up.
When he does show up, do not entertain any conversation about how difficult things have been for him. Inform him that he needs to grow up. He is a parent and has chosen to have an adult relationship with you. If he can't manage his own life he needs to ship out.
If he is a no show - give him the flick. He has exposed himself as a dick head.

Oh I get. Well you can still go somewhere or do something with your children, surely. Please try and think of something.

I read he has cancelled things before, you weren't so bothered because it didn't affect your children but it still shows a pattern. He doesn't want a real relationship. Please tell us it's over between you.

I got the no kids thing immediately and was thinking he still wants to go, but without any kids.

So he's not only a terrible boyfriend, but he's also a terrible father. His poor kids.

Bin him.

He gets a break and a rest 50% of the time. A lot more than most parents, including you op. Why does he need more of a break when he already has half the week free from parenting. He can’t even handle his own dc half the time. Pathetic. Seems to me that he is: 1 lazy ,2 can’t parent his own dc, 3 acts like toddler when faced with any slight difficulty, 4 puts himself above everyone else, including his own dc and you and your dc. As you know, when times get tough with dc, you suck it up and carry on, you don’t put your own needs before theirs and take to your bed.
Is this really the type of person you want to be with?
If your relationship progressed to moving in together, how would he manage to live with your dc full time when he can’t even handle his own 50% of the time? This has disaster written all over it.

He doesn’t care about letting you and all the dc down because he’s selfish and thinks everything revolves around him and his feelings are paramount. Red flags are flying high op. I don’t want to be a mn psychologist but there is a name for people like this and it begins with an N.

Take your children for a lovely break with you as planned.

You have dogcare in place, your plans are set - let him sulk in his immature emotionally disregulated stew.

Do not let his tantrum govern what you do with your children.

That is the thin end of the wedge with controlling behaviour.

What a total arse !! You don’t muck your partner abour , let alone kids about ,

hope you can go alone

is he usually this selfish ?

if it’s his weekend with the kids yet wants adult time

@Tulipsdaisy why can't you go without him? Is a hotel booked? I'd dump him, btw. Sounds like too many 🚩🚩🚩

Don’t let your children down because of this. You have to still go!

He has “ no kids” half the time anyway, yet can’t cope when he’s supposed to be doing the caring. Lazy and selfish springs to mind. Plan some nice treats for you and your children.

Do you have camping equipment? That's always fun for kids. Have a lovely weekend making memories with your DC.